Apologies after breaking heart ♡︎

Chapter 9: Self control

Khaotung pov:

I was crying. (Yes it was my fault but-but i truly care about him... Even tho I did it without his consent, i tried to make it up for him. Am i a that bad person. I know i should not care because I never loved him. But.... It hurts to see him cry...it hurts to see him suffering. But why?

Maybe I'm feeling like this because I don't want to be a bad husband? Maybe I just like him because he's my husband?

But ....never in my life I have cried for someone except for my mom and my dad. So, does that mean i...I like him?! No no it can't happen. )

I was busy with my thoughts and I was panicking alot. My breath became unstable. I wasn't able to breath properly. So as I was already walking out of my room, i directly went towards the balcony in 3rd floor. It was big so I thought of having some air so that I can calm down.

I went there and saw the moon shining. It was calming and soothing. It felt good to see the moon. I leaned on the fence of the balcony and finally my breath was stable than before. My tears have stopped. My tears dried on my skin and the soft wind blowing made me shiver abit. The weather was calmer than usual and cool.

I took out the packet of ciggerates and lit a ciggerate with my lighter. I took it in my mouth and started blowing off the smoke into the fine air.

Suddenly I felt hands around my waist and a head on my shoulder hugging me from behind. I turned around to see First hugging me from behind with his closed eyes.

"First!? What are you doing here baby? You should rest! You're not completely we'll right now." I said hugging him back carefully so that I don't burn him with the ciggerate in my hand.

He turned his head up and directly looked into my eyes. I swear i felt like kissing this boy straight away right now. His beautiful doe eyes are my weakness. But.... it's not the correct time tho.

He saw the ciggerate in my hand and took it in his own hands.

"What will you say if I say that i wanna smoke?" First said.

"No no! I mean it's your choice but it's bad for your health. Please don't smoke baby." I said him patting his head softly.

"If you know already that it's bad for health then why are you smoking?" *Sigh* "i know ....I'm sorry for whatever I said few minutes ago.... i just - I just wanted to show you that I'm little angry with you but it turned out something else. " First said with a sad face. He then threw away the ciggerate.

"I...I'm really sorry. I never and ever saw anybody having a panick attack before and so I still don't know what to do? So somehow I just managed to get up and come to you." He said smiling sadly at me.

"It's okay baby now I'm totally fine. Don't worry na? It's not like it wasn't my fault.... I- I ruined your wedding night. You're sick because of me. Aren't you really disappointed with me?" I asked him with my red eyes.

"Yes I am. But not disappointed. I was angry to be honest. Not gonna lie I felt terrible. But now....it's totally okay dear hubby. I forgave you the moment I saw you so much stressed and doing so much for me while I was lying on the bed. You're my husband after all. And you did that to me without knowing so....I'm thinking of to forgive you. Atleast you're guilty that's all that matters." he said and came near me.

He gave me a peck on my cheeks.

"I... you're such a good soul. I'm really sorry. I don't know how to apologise. I don't know how to control my alcohol addiction and my sexual arousal. You forgave me so easily?"

" Yes I forgave you. But not easily though. There are many reasons why I forgave you so you better don't be sad anymore.
And you know- *cough*  actually i really like- * cough* *cough* you and i..."

"Baby you're coughing! Don't forget you're sick. Come I'll take you to bedroom! You should rest." I said worried looking into his eyes.

"But but-"

"Not buts! Come here" I said and held his waist. I carried him to our bedroom in a bridal style. I swear when I was carrying him in my arms he wrapped his hands around my neck so nicely and was straight away looking in my eyes with full of passion ~
After that I went inside our bedroom and made him lie on the bed. I covered him with a soft blanket and increased the temperature of the AC so that he don't catch a cold again.

When I was about to turn and leave he held my hands and stopped me. He looked into my eyes with a puppy face.

"Come to sleep soon. It's late already. I don't want to sleep alone* he pouts.

"Yes yes my cute baby I'll come soon. Now you sleep. " I said and kissed him on his forehead. Not gonna lie but his forehead temperature lowered than before.

He blushed when I kissed him. Nodded to whatever I said and smiled at my revealing his cute dimples.
(OH MY GOD WHY HE HAS TO BE SO CUTE!?) I thought in my mind.

I opened the door and closed it gently so that I don't wake up my cute husband who was sleeping peacefully. I went out to the stairs and I was thinking some things again!-

Sadly as everyone knows that i cannot sleep without alcohol or without taking sleeping pills. Since my sleeping pills were finished long ago and I never bought so I thought of drinking abit.

(No I should not drink....just one drink won't kill me ... But-but what if I do that to my First again? What if I sexually force him again!? No no... I'll keep my calm this time.

This time I won't do anything to him....but it's better if I don't drink....

But I like to drink! I can control myself! Yes! I will drink.... whatever will happen we will see tomorrow.

But....what if I do something really big this time? Will he ever forgive me again?)

I was busy with my thoughts. I was fighting with myself whether to drink or not and at last as everyone knows....

An alcoholic person, an alcohol addict or you may say? A drunkard? What will you expect from him?

Yes ....

I thought of going down and drink a bottle of fine red wine before sleeping.

3rd person: What do you think guys? Will Khaotung be able to control himself this time?

Author's note: Hello my lovelies 🌝👋🏻💞 how are y'all?
Sorry for the late update uwu 😭 this author is actually still studying in school so I've alot of assignments nd homeworks to do. ANd I was preparing for my mock test.

I hope y'all are not disappointed in me. Please don't loose hope naaa 🥺. Love u guysss 💋
Wanna know what happens next? Stay tuned ~

Take care na khab 🌝👋🏻💞