Apologies after breaking heart ♡︎

Chapter 17: Again apologies

First was sweating. It's not the first time First is getting a nightmare of his father abusing and torturing him in a dream.

He was very badly traumatized because of the mental and physical abuse his father used to do to him.

It's not like First used to have nightmares everyday. But he used to have nightmares when something in his mind keeps on disturbing him. Which cause him not to have a peaceful sleep leading to non linkable nightmares.

Yes non linkable because First don't lives with his father anymore yet he's getting those nightmares back.

Poor First wasn't able to wake up from the nightmare and kept on kicking in the air, slowly small tear drops sliding through his cheeks. Sweat forming on his forehead and getting anxious really badly.

Where was Khaotung?

"K-khao...." First murmured in his dream.

But sadly there was no Khaotung to rescue him in his dream.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Khaotung pov:

"Fuck... Im having sleeping problems again?" I was still not able to sleep. First was sleeping peacefully beside me hugging me. He looked so cute.

Such a pure innocent soul. Even though I abused him on our wedding day, not able to control my damn sexual arousal.... Still he is being so good with me.

Meanwhile Mew.... Who raped me again. Even though we broke up 7 years ago, still? The same thing happened again. Am I still his servant? Am I still trapped?

I want to forget everything about that bitch Mew. But I always get so weak infront of him. Just why? Why am I so pathetic? Why this happened to me when finally everything was going to be alright?

I guess its karma. No wonder, i deserve this after doing this to First. He's so understanding in this young age that he didn't even ask me any questions and only tried to give me comfort.

I don't deserve him. He's too good and too pure for me. But- but I don't want to leave him. I want to stay with him.

I like him.... No... I think

I LOVE HIM.

Yes love.... Im finally loving someone after 7 years of toxicity in my life. Who won't love him? Just look at him. He's so kind, lovely, caring , beautiful... Everything about him is perfect.

All these kinds of different thoughts which makes me cry, laugh, sad, emotional, angry, happy.... Different emotions were going inside my mind.

That's what happens when you have sleeping problems.

*Sigh* I think I need to take a gulp of wine so that I can sleep.

I looked at First. He was still sleeping. I don't want to hurt this pure soul. What if ... What if he is disappointed with me?

But I can control myself even if I'm drunk. But .... Oh god my mind is full of doubts.

Atlast i slowly tried to get up without waking up First from his sleep.

I went down to the hall without making any noise, carefully and slowly.

I was having it on my mind.... Just a little bit of drink to make myself fall asleep. That's it. Not too much.

I took out a bottle of wine and poured it in a glass. After drinking a glass of wine I wanted to drink more. I wanted to vanish those memories. Those vast memories of abuse, torture.... Always being the left out one. I wanna forget everything.