Of unsound mind.

Part 11

Saying goodbye to Pierre James Lattimore.

It was a sleepless night for Pie, I woke up around three in the morning, and he wasn't in bed, I got out of bed I knew where to find Pie, he was in PJ's room in his bed holding a picture of our son, I got him to come back to our room and try and get some sleep. Later I woke up and again Pie wasn't in bed, I looked at the time, it's after ten, I got out of bed and went into the bathroom and put some water on my face, I looked at myself in the mirror, and said it wasn't my fault.

I heard a voice saying don't do that to myself it's Bash, he said Pie told him he can come up here, Dyland came behind him and said he knows me and he's not going to let me blame myself.

I told them if I hadn't put PJ in that place, he would be here with us, Bash said I don't know that the way PJ was acting, he hurt a lot of people and he was going to kill me and Ekim.

I told them I know there trying to help, but right now nothing seems to help, Dyland said Chandler is blaming himself and so is Pierre, and none of us is the blame so get it together, he walked away. Bash asked me am I going to keep blaming myself for a grown man who chose to go in that path, he's not a father so he doesn't know what it feels like to have to bury a child, but he knows he blamed himself when his mom died, and it took him to meet me to move on and someday I'll do the same.

No, we don't forget about them, we just think of them in good times and leave the bad behind, Bash walked away. Maybe someday I can, but not today, I walked out of the bathroom and went to find Pie, I checked PJ's room he wasn't there I also checked Chandler's room neither one of them were here.

I went downstairs and Pie and Chandler were having breakfast, Chandler said good morning to me, and Pie said he thought he'd let me sleep in after being up late last night, he told me to sit down and eat something. Something was different about Pie and Chandler, I asked them are they okay, Pie said he's fine he looked at Chandler and asked how about you son.

Chandler said he felt much better and later PJ will be at peace because he asked for God to forgive him. I asked him how he knows that, Chandler gave me a paper he said he found it in the old house in the woods.

I told him I don't want him going there anymore; I'm having that house torn down, I read the paper, it said dear God I've done some bad things in my life, and I may do more until I'm stopped. I know that me killing myself would be the worse sin I could ever do, so when you're ready I'm ready. P.S. Please forgive me and take me into your kingdom and watch over my brother Chandler so he won't ever feel like he's alone again.

Tears went down my face, I said if only he asked God to help and heal him from himself, Bash said at least we put it in PJ to know God. Manny and his family came into the room, CJ hugged me and asked am I okay, I looked at my family sitting at the table, I told him it hurts but someday I will be.

Okay Mr. James, sit down and eat, Liz said as she put a plate on the table, I asked Manny have they had breakfast yet, he said that's why there here Liz told them to come and have breakfast with us as a family. They sat down and I thanked Liz, she always knows what I need, we ate and just talked no one mentioned PJ, after breakfast I went upstairs and showered and got ready to say goodbye to our son.

I went downstairs and the family is waiting for me, Pie said PJ is gone, but we'll never forget him, and we have to go on he needs me and so does the rest of my family, we left and went to the Alexander compound, reporters were everywhere we went around to the back gate where the family plots are.

The car with PJ's body was already here and the Alexander family was waiting for us, everyone got out of their cars, Pie and I stayed in our car, Pie said remember we're in this together, he kissed me, I asked him how he can be so strong, he said who says he is, we got out of the car.

 We sat down and the service began, as the minister was reading God's word, we heard I hope he rots in hell for taking her son's life, it was Mrs. Bush, Reese went over to her and said we weren't welcome at her son's service and she's not welcome here, only God can judge PJ, security walked her off the property.

Pie said he doesn't blame her she's still grieving over Jax, the service continued there were a lot of tears, but Pie and Chandler didn't cry, I hope there alright. After the service we went to the main house, and family said nice things about PJ, but the only one who really knew what PJ was capable of was Ekim. He didn't share with the rest of the family what PJ tried to do to him.

 Later we went home, I asked Pie why he didn't cry at the service, he said he's all cried out, and we're going to get the help we need so our family can finally heal, no he'll never forget PJ, but we have to live our lives.

Pie said he's not going to take the blame for our son's actions, and I shouldn't either, he had a good talk with Chandler about feeling guilty, he thinks it sank in, but it will take time.

I told Pie he's stronger than I thought he would be, he said he has to be, I didn't marry no punk, he took my hand, and we went upstairs and made love, something we haven't done since our problems dealing with PJ. After we finished, we just held each other, he said soon Chandler will have his own family and leave us, I knew what Pie was thinking, I told him let's just wait for a while and enjoy us, we have Chandler and Manny and CJ.

Pie said this is CJ's last year of college he'll go on his way, I told him we still have Bandit, bae laughed and said OKAY he'll slow down but maybe down the line we could think about another child. I told him not to replace PJ, but just to love another kid maybe adopt later, he said that's fine with him, he said for now just hold him and he'll take a nap it's been a long day. I did what he asked maybe someday we will adopt, or we won't I just want to bless the family I have.