Of unsound mind.

Part 14

The surprised visitor

After I left my last class and headed to see Doctor Richards, when I got there Keith was leaving his office, we didn't say anything to each other he kept walking. I sat down, Doctor Richards asked me how I've been, I told him alright no drama going on in my life, he asked me am I dating I never mentioned anyone. I told him there's no one, he said I'm young I need a friend, anyway, did I think about what we talked about in our last session, I told him I had a busy week so not really.

He asked me did I love PJ more than a brother should love his sibling; I told him no like I said he was my brother that's all, why does he keep saying that. He said because from my tone when he mentions that I get upset, I said who wouldn't, how would he feel if someone kept asking him did his brother make him have oral sex or penetrate him.

 Chandler I never said that, now sense you said that let's talk about how you felt when that happened.

I never said that, I was just saying if that did happen, Doctor Richards said I asked him how he would feel if that happened to him, he said he would feel violated that someone did that, and more than likely they used that to have power over a person, they can control things. I said that's just who PJ was, always manipulating me into doing what he wanted, and I couldn't tell my parents, or they would send me away.

I looked up and Doctor Richards was looking at me, damn I just told him what he said is true even though he already knew. Okay I let PJ do those things to me, he asked me how old we were and how did I feel about what happened to me. I told him it first happened when we were fourteen, PJ said all boys experiment with each other and better it be him than some stranger who could tell our parents, I didn't want to do it but PJ had a way of putting things, and when he said our parents would send me away I was afraid that would happen all I knew were my biological grandparents and they were gone, so all I had was PJ and my dad's, I didn't have anyone else so I went along with it.

And when we turned fifteen PJ wanted to penetrate me, he said he knew I was gay, and if he did that, I wouldn't want to be gay, and my parents would hate me, so I let him and I hated my brother, but I also loved him not because of the sex just because he was my brother if that made sense.

Doctor Richards asked did it make sense to me, I told him yes, and no, am I sick to have loved my brother after what he did to me. He said loving PJ as a sibling isn't sick, but did I love him in another way, I told him PJ wanted me too, but I couldn't love him that way.

Doc said but deep-down PJ loved me that way, but I have to understand PJ had issues for a long time, and once he found me a part of him felt complete. I asked him is that what PJ told him, he asked me why I asked that, I lied and told him during the weekend I found some of PJ's notes and he said he talked to him.

 Yes, I talked with Pierre James, but I won't tell you what we talked about, Chandler said but I kind of did because I asked about them loving each other. I told him I mentioned that to see if he would be honest with himself, so that he can heal from that as well as the guilt he feels. Chandler's phone rang, he said he knows how I feel about cell phones during our session.

I'm sorry doc it won't happen again, I cut the phone off, Okay doc you got me on that, he asked me how I feel now sense I opened up and told him the truth, I told him it does feel better that I got that off my chest, I've held that in for so long. He said good he checked his watch and said our time is up what day do I want my next appointment to be, he has a two o'clock on Thursday open and a three thirty on Friday, I told him Friday is fine for me, he wrote it down and gave me an appointment card.

I asked him about that kid who left when I came in, he said never mind him just work on myself and find a friend, I have to move on, I told him I'll see him next week and left. I turned my phone back on and it's an unknown number, I checked the voice mail and it's Keith saying maybe he could try and take my dick, and I was looking so sexy when he saw me. I just deleted the message.