"How is the pain?" He asked as Shehnaaz sat opposite to the doctor in his cabin, while Siddharth looked at her.
Shehnaaz turned her head to Sidharth moving it in a denial. "Its bad, I can feel it. Pretty much making me cry!" She spoke as she looked at him. "I didn't have pain before this. I mean the...."
"Abortion?"
"Yeah. Its been bad ever since. "
Shehnaaz lay on the examination table as the doctor walked in. "Are you comfortable?", he asked as he looked at her.
"Yeah!"
"Mr Sharma can stay here!" He looked at Sidharth as he spoke and then back to Shehnaaz.
"This is Maitli, she is a nurse with our department. She'll be present throughout the procedure!" The doctor started with the formal procedure he was supposed to follow as per the guidelines.
Shehnaaz shook her head, her legs parted as she lay on table. "I am alright, you can proceed".
Shehnaaz closed her eyes as she felt his fingers move closer to her pelvis. "Stay calm, Shehnaaz. It'll take a minute or two.." he spoke not looking at her face, focussed on his work. Sidharth stood in the corner as he saw all of that happen. He saw her close her eyes, the slight discomfort, he wondered if that was specific to a male doctor or general for anyone in that spot. It was a procedure to have a chaperone present in case the examining doctor was a male, he didn't feel it was weird. The entire procedure was mechanized, he could see that the patient , here Shehnaaz, was just a patient, she wasn't a woman or a girl.
"Alright! " that's fine the doctor spoke removing his fingers from her, as he looked away and stood up. "I'll leave , you can change and then we'll see you in the cabin!"
"I hope its not endometriosis!" She spoke walking over to the couch he was sitting in. Sidharth had made them chicken soup while shs had slept for an hour or so.
He looked at her. "Pain hai abhi bhi?", he asked as she sat next to him, while he passed her the bowl.
"Na. Its medicine toh abhi better hai. " she spoke placing her head on his shoulder.
"The doctor said, its not that!"
"Ha, but he said it could be too early to detect. " Shehnaaz curled up closer to him, as he placed his hand on her head, patting it gently. He could see she was tired, probably in pain. Maybe she missed her people, her home.
"You know, endometriosis is painful. And its been associated with fertility issues." She spoke a moment later, taking a deep breath. Shehnaaz had never dreamed of kids, children or a family but the idea of never having that was scary, even to her.
Sidharth turned his head to look at her, "You want to have children? "
"I don't know. Myabe!" She spoke taking a spoon of soup, she felt low. All of this had been exhausting, Shehnaaz had spent almost all of her energy in the last few months. With the arrival of Sidharth had come, the baby, the loss of the child, the pain and then confusing, conflicting emotions.
She turned her head and looked at him, his eyes already looking at her. His eyes were soft, calm and full of empathy for her. Just as their eyes met, she felt her body shake, tears rushed into her eyes. "What the fuck is happening to me. For the first time in my life I am scared, I wasn't that scared even when I had nothing and no one. This is so messy, I am scared. Pta nahi kon sa baandh tut gya hai, I have all control with that child. Kuch bhi control nahi hai, i can't handle a thing. All I want to do is sit in a room and watch the snow fall...."
"Shehnaaz?", he spoke, as his hand held her face. His fingers gently caressing her cheek, his eyes looked at her with kindness.
"Do you think this is happening because of Sheeraz. Do you think that I am being punished for making Lata suffer. She was right, haina..?"
