Iris ↠ l.h.

And i dont want the world to see me...

Have you ever been through a part of your life where everything just all seemed so horrible, then finally your life seems to finally, after everything, be at peace.

Only for it to all go downhill?

It's kind of like climbing up a mountain.

The way up seems like one of the biggest challenges you can face, but you still know you have a grip on things.

Then you get to the top and you're on top of the world. Everything in your sight. It feels like nothing could ever ruin the moment.

That you can face any challenge.

Then you remember you still have to go down.

And going down is faster, not as stable, it's all coming at you at once and you don't have a steady grip on anything.

It all feels like it's life or death.

Then you get to the bottom, you barely made it.

This was Luke.

Luke was only beginning his journey down the mountain.

Unknowing of what was about to come next.

But at the same time, he knew it was something bad. It was one of those gut feeling sort of things.

You know something bad is going to happen, you just don't know when or what.

But it was definitely coming.

"Iris? What are you doing here?" Luke questioned, opening the door for her as she walked into his house.

"Can we go to your room?" She asked, looking down at her foot that was tapping nervously against the tile floor.

"Uh, y-yeah," he said, walking to his room as Iris followed.

Luke shut the door as Iris took a seat on his bed, him taking one next to her.

"What'd you need to talk about?"

"Nothing," she replied, shaking her head as she chewed on her bottom lip.

"Are you sure? You seemed kind of nervous like 5 seconds ago," he chuckled forcefully.

Something wasn't right and he was nervous.

Of course he was nervous.

He had the feeling in his gut.

And he had Iris, who seemed like she was about to be shaking from some sort of fear that was consuming her.

But all Luke could hold onto were some bed sheets.

This was his trip downhill, only about to get worse.

"It's nothing, I just-sometimes you're nice to be around, makes me feel kind of normal," She said quietly, still looking down at the ground.

"There is no normal, Iris, everyone's a little screwed up," Luke replied, lifting his hand up so he could gently tilt her head, so she was looking at him.

"Can I?" He asked, glancing down to her lips as he ran his tongue across his lower lip.

"Please," she breathed out, as Luke automatically placed his lips on hers.

Iris wasn't lying when she said he was nice to be around.

She wasn't lying when she said he made her feel like she was kind of normal.

But she still couldn't feel any sort of emotion.

For anything.

Pain was already becoming rote for her.

Her lips synchronized into the kiss, as Luke leaned back onto the bed. Iris hovering on top of him.

All she was really thinking was that she needed to feel something.

Her hands followed the thoughts of her mind as they traveled to the hem of his shirt, beginning to pull it up over his torso.

But she felt Luke's hand on top of hers and he pulled away from the kiss.

"I don't think I can, Iris," he said, leaning up from this bed, his weight resting on his elbows.

At this point, a girls heart would've dropped, would've gotten insecure.

But all Iris was, was curious.

"Why?" She asked, furrowing her eyebrows together.

"I just, I promised myself," he responded, running his fingers through his hair.

"That you wouldn't have sex?" She questioned, letting out a small chuckle.

"No, that it would be love, Iris, it sounds stupid but I've been through this too many times."

"I thought that you loved me," she stated, watching as he closed his eyes and let out a sigh.

"Yeah, I do," he alleged, "but you don't love me."

Maybe saying it would make it real.

"Luke, I do lo-"

"Don't just say it because you want to have sex, Iris. I thought you would be different than that," he scoffed, getting up from the bed.

"I'm not just saying it to have sex."

She was saying it because she wanted to.

She wanted so badly be in love with Luke.

She just wasn't.

And it was killing her every second of the day.

"Really? Then just tell me what we are, Iris, and I'll do it. What are we, Iris? A couple? A fling? Something that you're taking control of? Stringing me along as I fall for you until you say enough? Iris, this is so hard for me. I want to do this, I do, but I can't do it with someone who knows we aren't going to last. Whatever we are, I don't think I want to waste my time on it."

Maybe it was good that Iris couldn't feel anything. Because she was sure this would hurt like hell.

But, at this point, she wasn't really sure if she wanted to feel anymore.

Maybe it was easier this way.

Maybe she should hide.

Maybe she was someone who shouldn't be seen.

Maybe she just didn't want the world to see her.

Maybe she just wanted to hide herself forever.

But in ways, she couldn't. Because she was like the moon.

A part of her always wanting to be hidden, until she realizes that she just can't hide forever.

"Luke-"

"Iris, please, just go," he whispered, looking up at her.

She noticed his eyes were red and watery.

And it was because of her.

All her.

How could she live with that?

"Okay."

She couldn't.

"I'll... I'll, uhm, see you tomorrow, Iris," he said, watching as the girl he loved left the room.

The worst part?

He wouldn't see her tomorrow.

Or ever again.

Because Iris realized that the only way to keep the world from seeing something, the only way to keep her from hurting people, was to get rid of it.

Permanently.

Forever.