cherish | lee heeseung

°˖➴ #𝟭𝟰

Distress

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THE NEXT FEW DAYS were a blur for Haneul. She moved through her routine like a ghost, her mind heavy with thoughts that wouldn't let her rest. The confrontation with Minho had left her a sour taste, and the confusion surrounding her feelings for Heeseung only added to her unease.

At the library, Haneul went through the motions of helping patrons and organising books, but her heart wasn't in it. Her usual enthusiasm had waned, replaced by a persistent sense of doubt and self-consciousness. She found herself second-guessing her choices, from the clothes she wore to the way she interacted with others.

"Haneul, are you okay?" Chaewon asked one afternoon, noticing her friend's distant demeanour. They were in the staff room, taking a brief break.

Haneul forced a smile. "I'm fine, just tired," she replied, but Chaewon wasn't convinced.

"You seemed off for days now. Is everything alright with Minho?" Chaewon pressed gently.

Haneul hesitated, glancing around to make sure no one was within earshot. "I don't know, Chaewon. Things with Minho... they're not good. He's changed so much, and I don't know how to deal with it. And then there's Heeseung...."

Chaewon nodded, her expression empathetic. "You don't have to talk about it if you're not ready, but I'm here for you. We all are."

"Thanks, Chae," Haneul said softly, appreciating the support but feeling unable to articulate the whirlwind inside her.

Outside of work, Haneul avoided social interactions as much as possible. She didn't feel like explaining herself or pretending everything was fine. Instead, she spent her evenings in her room, trying to find solace in the pages of her books but struggling to focus.

She became increasingly self-conscious, doubting her worth and the choices she had made. Each day, she scrutinised herself in the mirror, wondering if she was doing something wrong or if there was something fundamentally unlovable about her.

On one particularly tough morning, Haneul stood in front of her mirror, pulling at her clothes and sighing deeply. She felt a lump in her throat as the weight of her insecurities threatened to overwhelm her. But then, her phone buzzed with a text message. It was Heeseung, checking in on her.

'Hey, Hana! How's your day going? Just wanted to see if you're doing okay.'

She stared at the message for a long moment, feeling a mix of emotions. His concern was genuine, and it made her feel a bit better. But she couldn't bring herself to respond. Not now. She put her phone down, taking a deep breath. She didn't want to deal with more confusion, so she decided to ignore the message for the time being.

One evening, unable to stand the oppressive quiet of her room, Haneul decided to go for a walk. She found herself once again in the park, seeking solace under the canopy of trees and the distant hum of the city. The cool air was refreshing, but it did little to clear the fog in her mind.

She wandered to a secluded beach and sat down, her head buried in her hands. The weight of her thoughts felt almost physical, pressing down on her shoulders.

Haneul tried to process: Minho's behaviour, her growing confusion about Heeseung, and her own sense of self-worth. The confrontation with Minho replayed in her mind, each hurtful word echoing with renewed sting. She remembered how he had grabbed her wrist, the anger in his eyes, and his accusations about Heeseung. The memory made her heart ache, not just from his harshness but from the realisation that she couldn't see a future with anymore.

Her thoughts drifted to Heeseung, how his presence had stirred old feelings. She thought about the quiet moments they had shared recently, the way he had looked at her, the simple act of him helping her reach a book. Was she reading too much into these moments? Did he feel the same way, or was he just being a good friend?

Haneul sighed deeply, feeling tears prick at the corners of her eyes. She knew she had to make some decisions, but she felt paralysed by the fear of making the wrong ones. She needed clarity, but it seemed so elusive.

As the silence stretched on, Haneul felt the dam inside her begin to crack. The weight of her emotions, so carefully held back, became too much to contain. She tried to keep her composure, but the effort was futile. A single tear escaped, followed by another, and before she knew it, she was sobbing uncontrollably.

In the solitude of the park, her cries echoed softly around her. The gentle rustling of leaves and the distant hum of traffic were the only witnesses to her breakdown. Haneul buried her face in her hands, feeling utterly alone and overwhelmed.

She cried for the confusion and the hurt, for the love that seemed to have soured, and for the feelings she didn't quite understand. Each tear felt like a release, a small piece of the heaviness in her heart being let go. The flood of emotions was unstoppable, years of pent-up frustration and sadness pouring out all at once.

Haneul's sobs eventually began to subside, replaced by the occasional hiccup and deep, shuddering breaths. She felt drained, as if she had cried out all the emotions she had been holding inside. Her tears had left her feeling raw and vulnerable, but also strangely lighter, as if the burden had been lifted.

She wiped her face with the back of her hand, trying to steady her breathing. The park was quiet, its tranquil atmosphere a stark contrast to the turmoil inside her. Haneul took a few more deep breaths, feeling the cool night air soothe her flushed cheeks.

As she sat there, her mind started to clear. She realised she didn't have to have all the answers right now. It was okay to be confused, to feel lost and unsure. What mattered was that she was acknowledging her feelings, giving herself the space to process everything.

Haneul looked up at the sky, the stars twinkling above her. She felt a small sense of hope, a flicker of determination to take things one step at a time. She knew she needed to confront her feelings about Minho, to figure out what she truly wanted from their relationship. And she needed to understand what Heeseung's presence in her life meant to her now.

Just then, a very familiar voice calls out to her, breaking her gaze at the sky.

"Haneul..?"

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