The next day followed the exact same – Taylor refusing to eat or speak. She had not even had a sip of water. The team knew they had to act on it. The next morning, Taylor was woken up at 7am for the twice weekly weigh in and blood tests. As the nurse explained what they needed her to do, they expected her to ignore them again but instead she pushed her body up out of bed, following them silently. She stepped backwards onto the scales, hearing them sigh at her weight. She held out her arm dutifully as they took bloods, then when they led her to the dining room for breakfast she shut down, staring down at her lap the entire meal again. She ignored every attempt to engage her, deciding that if they were going to keep her here, she would just ignore them until they finally decided to leave her alone and let her go home.
When she refused breakfast she felt incredibly smug. She hadn't had anything to eat or drink since the banana and coffee at her house the other morning so she had managed an entire 48 hours now without anything touching her lips. She let herself be led back to her bedroom, ignoring the black spots creeping into her vision. Once she had been left alone, she began to do sit ups and star jumps – knowing they would intervene soon and force her to ingest something so deciding to try and burn extra calories to get ahead.
What she didn't know was that right now, all of her team was meeting to discuss her care. They had invited Tree in, knowing she would have to agree to any measures necessary.
Tree arrived and was shown back to the meeting room, the team introducing themselves one by one.
Finally she turned to the doctor "So, how is she?"
The doctor hesitated "we have had some challenges. It is always an adjustment for anybody when they come into a hospital – the routine changes, there is a battle of wills..."
Tree narrowed her eyes "so she's not really eating?"
The doctor nodded "she is not eating at all. She is refusing all food and fluids"
Tree's eyes widened "as in, she is not drinking either?"
The doctor nodded again "she is refusing anything, including water. That is why we needed to call this meeting today – I think as a team we need to devise a plan, we obviously cannot let this continue..."
Tree nodded "what are her reasons for refusing?"
The doctor looked down, slightly uncomfortable "she isn't giving us any reasons. She hasn't actually spoken since she got off the phone with her Mum when she was admitted.."
Tree nearly gasped "so you are telling me that since she got here – she has not spoken, she has not eaten and she has not even had a sip of water?"
The doctor grimaced "correct"
Tree leaned forwards "and you expect me to believe this is the best place for her?"
The doctor shifted "we will take action today. She will have an IV put in to hydrate her, we will use an NG tube if we need to. We just need you to consent..."
Tree clasped her hands "Let me see her and talk to her"
The doctor shook his head "I don't see how that would be helpful – she is trying to exert her control, seeing you will give in to her. We need to show her that we are in charge here"
Tree's eyes darkened with rage "she is an adult, not a toddler having a temper tantrum. If she is not speaking, that is because she is completely shut down. Punishing her more will not help you to gain her trust. She needs some familiarity, some comfort. Taylor needs gentle nudging but if you push her too far, she just shatters. It's a fine balance"
The doctor considered it, agreeing with the team that something needed to change. He sat back "if she does not eat and drink today – we will be forced to step in."
Tree nodded "I don't disagree – but give me a chance first to see if I can help, she will respond better to me."
Soon after the doctor came to see Taylor and discuss the outcome of the meeting "Good Morning Taylor, how was breakfast today?" of course he already knew the answer but he was desperate to get the blonde talking. Taylor just smiled politely at him, not making any effort to talk. When he realised he wasn't going to get anywhere he sighed "Do you know where I have just been?"
She continued to stare at him, raising one eyebrow expectantly. He smiled back – a smug expression on his face "I have been for a meeting, to talk about you and what we can do to help you settle in here." Taylor continued to stare, unsure of why he thought she would care about this. He continued on "it was me, your dietician, some of the nurses who have been supervising you, our psychiatrist and finally, Tree..."
Hearing Tree's name shot a dagger through her heart – her face must have reacted slightly as the doctor smiled "I am sure we can let her come and see you, for a few minutes – if you agree to eat something."
Taylor was torn, she really wanted to see Tree but she really didn't want to break her fast. She wanted to try for another day of nothing. The doctor sensed she was close to breaking "Of course, we cannot let you go another day without eating or drinking – this meeting was to discuss what measures we will take. So even if you refuse – you will be having something today. It may be more pleasant to take control – to choose to have it yourself..."
Taylor swallowed, trying to decide what to do. Finally she croaked out "what?"
The doctor was surprised she had given in "do you mean, what do you have to have?"
Taylor nodded, biting her lip. He weighed it up "I want to work with you here Taylor. If you think you can manage some breakfast – great. If you don't then I am happy for you to try half a supplement and a glass of water..."
Taylor thought about it – weighing up how many calories she would actually be ingesting before she realised that she needed to see Tree if she was going to convince her to take her home so reluctantly she nodded. The nurse rushed to grab the supplement, hoping to capitalise on this opportunity.
Taylor stared at the small amount of liquid in the cup, knowing logically she could drink it in a few mouthfuls but her brain was screaming at her – telling her not to. It seemed like a huge task to her. She hesitated, reaching out to take the cup before dropping her hand back down. This cycle continued until she was brave enough to lift it to her lips. She hesitated again before the doctor spoke up "10 minutes with Tree for every sip you take". Taylor stared straight at him, wincing as she took a small sip. She was about to put it back down when the nurse rubbed her hand "just keep hold of it – it's easier if you don't have to start from the beginning after each sip"
Taylor nodded, lifting it to her lips and sipping it slowly. After 15 minutes she had finished the supplement. The doctor agreed to bring Tree in now if Taylor agreed to drink the water while she was with her.
Taylor laid down while she waited, berating herself for giving in and drinking the supplement. A few minutes later, the door opened slowly and Tree poked her head in. Taylor head the door creak and pushed herself up, desperate to put on a good show for Tree – to convince her that she was OK.
As soon as their eyes met, Tree's eyes welled up. Taylor looked awful, her hair limp against her head – there were black circles under her eyes and her skin and lips were so dry from dehydration. Tree thought Taylor looked 10 times worse than when she dropped her off. She moved over towards the bed "Hey Honey!" She had tried to keep her tone light but instead it came out high pitched and frantic. Taylor's eyes welled up immediately "I'm OK", her voice was hoarse from not speaking and her lips cracked more as she spoke. Tree wiped her own ears and nodded, "I hear you've had a rough couple of days"
Taylor sighed, realising they were getting straight down to business, she nodded, her voice cracking as she spoke "I hate it here..."
Tree smiled sadly at her, sitting on the edge of the bed "You're here because we were all desperate. We didn't know how to help. Your little hunger strike has just made us all worry more"
Taylor went to protest but then took a deep breath, "I didn't mean to...I just felt like a zoo animal being watched then it got harder and harder"
Tree tucked Taylor's hair behind her ear "they said you weren't talking – that you went mute?"
Taylor looked down, embarrassed "Again – not intentional. I just feel so uncomfortable here. The anxiety is SO bad and I just can't trust them so I just...stopped"
Tree sighed "Taylor, they just want to help..."
Taylor nodded, tears clouding her vision "I am so uncomfortable"
Tree pulled her in for a hug "I told you before you have to keep pushing through the discomfort. It isn't going to be easy – it's going to feel really difficult, but if you keep challenging yourself, you will break those habits – I promise"
Taylor chewed her lip anxiously "Tree, I want to come home. I promi-"
Tree cut her off, her voice firm "Tay. You aren't coming home until you are eating. This is not up for negotiation. So either you can beg and I will get up and leave right now or we can sit and chat for a while."
Taylor looked down, blinking back her tears – having to fight the urge to try to explain and rationalise with the redhead.
A few seconds later, a nurse brings a glass of water to Taylor, smiling kindly as she sets it down.
Taylor made no effort to try and pick it up, so Tree nudged it closer to her "You haven't drunk in 2 days – you must be parched. It is nice and cold, go ahead"
Taylor stared at it, her lip trembling "I don't trust it..."
Tree frowned "What do you mean you don't trust it honey? It's water" she tried to hand it to Taylor but the blonde shook her head
"I don't trust they haven't put anything in it"
Tree was shocked, she lifted the glass up – "look – it's totally clear. There is nothing in there"
Taylor was unconvinced though "there are sachets you can add that dissolve. They give electrolytes. There might be ones full of calories and I bet if there are – they'd put them in there"
Tree wanted to laugh at how ridiculous she sounded but the terrified look on the blonde's face told her it was no joke – she really was petrified they were trying to sneak calories in. Before she could answer the door opened again – the doctor coming in, frowning slightly "Taylor you agreed to drink the water"
Taylor's voice escaped her again, she opened her mouth and shut it again like a fish – unable to explain to the doctor what was bothering her. Tree stepped in for her "she is worried there is something in the water. She is hyper anxious right now" Tree turned towards Taylor – desperate to find a solution "what about if I go and get you a bottle of water? It'll be sealed – you can see it. Will you drink that?"
The doctor shook his head before Taylor had a chance to process this, "No that wouldn't be allowed"
Tree turned to him "what do you mean not allowed? She needs to drink something!"
The doctor nodded "she has water right there that she can drink. This is all about control. She needs to realise she cannot control everything. Taylor, you have 5 minutes to drink the water, if you refuse to do so, we will put an IV in. You will receive fluids via a drip. The choice is yours." He walked back out, leaving them alone for a few more minutes.
Taylor turned towards Tree, panic in her eyes "Don't let them do an IV – they'll add glucose in, I know they will!"
Tree rubbed her hand gently, desperate to calm her down – she had never seen Taylor like this before "OK well then you need to drink the water"
Taylor stared at it, shaking her head slightly "Tree I can't"
Tree reached out "Yes you can, come on – one sip, just try one little sip for me"
The blonde shook her head, staring intently at the water, trying to see if there was anything noticeable in it. She looked back up at Tree, tears in her eyes "you try it..."
Tree frowned "Tay..."
Taylor arched her eyebrows "You try it. If there is nothing in there then I will drink it..."
Tree sighed, realising how paranoid the blonde actually was, she took a small sip – keeping her face neutral "There is nothing in there honey, I promise. Just water"
Taylor studied her face, realising she was telling the truth. She reached out, hands shaking, she gripped the cold glass, staring intently at the water before Tree interrupted her thought "go on, they'll be back any minute. If you want to avoid an IV – you need to drink up"
Taylor took a deep breath, quickly drinking the water before leaning back in the bed – exhausted by the mental battle going on. Tree squeezed her hand gently "You are being so brave. Tay, sweetheart. I need you to eat"
Taylor was about to protest – to explain why she couldn't, but Tree stopped her again "No – I don't want to hear it. I really want to take you home, but I cannot do that until I know you can do it. So I need you to eat, to prove to me you can. Then we can get you home. Can you do that for me?"
Taylor bit the inside of her lip, not sure she could, but she knew she wasn't getting out of here while she carried on like this, so slowly she nodded "yes, I can do that"
