I can do it with a broken heart

The fear

Andrea's latest scans had revealed her tumours had grown, this meant more treatment, more surgery, more recovery. Taylor was understandably devastated by the news. They all supported Andrea through the treatment – the only goal was to get her better.

Her surgery had gone well and Andrea had recovered well from it but the rest of the treatment would be spread out over a few months. Taylor had returned back to her own house, but promised to come and visit often.

When she arrived home, the younger blonde began to research things that may help Andrea to feel stronger throughout her treatment. She wanted natural remedies, plus good, nutritious recipes and holistic practices. Anything that could ease the burden of treatment. The general research became an obsession for Taylor – giving her the feeling that she had some control on the situation which in reality was totally out of control.

Her research extended from remedies to causes which in turn led to an obsession about preventing cancer.

Taylor was determined to do everything she could to keep herself fit and well – knowing she could only support her Mum if she was in her best health. The recipes she found for Andrea's healing led her into more research about foods which were linked to cancer.

Immediately Taylor began fixated on removing these foods from her diet. It began gradually but as time progressed, it became more and more restrictive. The internet could spin anything into a danger – but so could her anxiety. Suddenly she found her diet basically consisted of fresh fruit, vegetables and water. She had cut out carbs totally, reduced her meat intake to nearly nothing. She made sure there was nothing processed in her diet – she read that nothing should have more than 3 ingredients so that's what she stuck by. All the research also suggested being overweight had a link to cancer, so Taylor became fixated on reducing her weight – despite being firmly in the healthy weight range already. She also read about the importance of exercise so she stepped up her training schedule – she had been on a workout ban throughout recovery but now she knew it was for her health, she felt it was justified. Despite everything becoming restrictive and controlled again, Taylor kept telling herself it was to make herself healthier – she constantly justified it until eventually she believed it too. She rationalised that her Mum was going through something awful and she needed to help her and keep herself healthy too – that's why it was taking over her thoughts again, anyone in her position would feel the same. What she wouldn't admit though, was that it had totally spiralled again.

Taylor was still having weekly therapy and during her latest session, she mentioned that she felt her mum's treatment was out of her control which was making her anxious so she had been doing a lot of research into dietary choices and their impact on overall health. When the therapist tried to probe this further, Taylor shut down – knowing she was being led into a trap. She denied changing her own diet, swearing that she was just passing all the information onto her mum but the therapist could sense the lies. She could see that Taylor had lost weight and her anxious demeanour was concerning her. The therapist sat forwards "I know this isn't going to be something you want to hear, but I am going to contact your medical team – we will discuss the dietary changes and I will request they do a physical check on you"

Anger flashed across Taylor's face "I told you – I haven't changed my diet!"

The therapist smiled "well then there will be no concerns. It is my duty to act when I am concerned you are in danger though and right now? I do"

Taylor sat like a sullen child but finally nodded, "OK..."

The therapy session ended soon after and Taylor's mood had shifted, she had become slightly defensive and angry – frustrated that her new secret was uncovered.