The nurse came in, placing a tray of food in front of Taylor "You have 30 minutes" She turned to Tree "call if you need us".
Immediately with the food in front of Taylor, she shut down, staring at the blanket vacantly. Tree moved closer to her "Come on Taylor, you need to eat"
Taylor bit her lip "it's hard.."
Tree nodded "I know, but you have to do it"
Taylor picked up the fork, twisting it in her hands gently, trying to summon the courage to eat. Tree gave her a minute but when she realised that Taylor wasn't going to move past this point she spoke up again,
"Taylor – you really do not have a choice here. You need to eat. Now, if you do not eat – they will come in, they will put a feed down the tube – your body will get the calories. Take back some of the power – do it for yourself"
The first bite was always the hardest – trying to summon the courage to give in, but hearing that she really did have no choice meant Taylor knew she just had to do it. She slowly lifted a bite of food to her mouth, chewing it slowly before swallowing it and taking a sip of water. She repeated this a few times, before dropping the fork down. "I'm done"
Tree didn't even have to look at the plate to know she hadn't eaten enough "Tay – you're supposed to eat the whole thing"
Taylor clutched her stomach "I am too full..." Tree smiled sadly "OK – let me go and tell them you're ready for them to give you the tube feed now". Taylor watched as Tree stood up, as the redhead reached the door Taylor finally gave in "FINE! I'll eat the rest"
Tree smiled kindly "great choice". Taylor grumbled but picked up the fork again, forcing down some more of the food. As she finished around ¾ of the plate, she began to get anxious about the food in her body "I can't do it while you sit there – just watching me!".
Tree took a deep breath "It's either me watching you – or we can get a nurse to come in? What would you prefer?" Taylor glared at her "I'd prefer to be left alone.." Tree shrugged "right now – you're not well enough to be left alone. You're almost done – keep going!"
Taylor wanted to argue, but Tree's stern face left her no opportunity. Instead she picked up the fork, slowly making her way through the meal. The nurse popped back in "Time is up Taylor". All of them looked down at the food – the blonde had about 3 bites left. The nurse looked guilty "you haven't completed your meal so you need half a supplement..." Taylor's head shot up "NO! I have eaten most of it...". Tree rubbed her face – irritated that they were pushing her too far again "Look – she ran out of time, can you give her an extra 5 minutes – just for today? She has tried really hard to eat that all." The nurse contemplated it – finally nodding "OK, eat those last 3 bites for me and we don't have to give you the supplement". She stood there waiting while Taylor ate, hands shaking as she lifted the fork. As soon as she was done, the nurse grabbed the plate – walking out quickly.
Tree turned to Taylor – a big smile on her face "WELL DONE! You did it!".
Taylor looked down at her hands "that was the first meal I've eaten since I've been here". Tree nodded, squeezing her hands "I know – you did amazingly!" Taylor nodded, blinking back tears. Tree noticed "Hey, do not be upset. I know it feels like you have failed – I am sure those voices are screaming at you right now. But what you did was really brave". Taylor nodded, more confident this time "If I have 3 meals a day – and I eat it all. How long until I can come home?" Tree sighed slightly "Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. I would need to speak to the doctors anyway. But I would guess that they will not discharge you until your bloods are stable, you have gained some weight and you are consistently eating everything at every meal. No skipping anything."
Taylor groaned "can you just ask them? If I know – then I have something to work towards but right now it all feels so hopeless."
Tree stared at her "You don't get to eat, just to come home and repeat this process. When you come home, you will still be undergoing treatment Taylor!"
The blonde nodded "I know – but I realise that anything is better than here. If I am going to have to eat anyway – I may as well do it at home, with food I actually like."
Tree nodded, holding back a smile. There was the rational Taylor they all knew "I'll speak to them. I mean it though. I need to see consistent results before I agree to discharge you. I am not letting you just go back to old habits Taylor. I will drag you through recovery, kicking and screaming if I have to."
Taylor smiled slightly at her "I know. Thank you."
Tree headed out for the afternoon, visiting Andrea to see how she was and to update her on Taylor. The bad news was that Andrea needed another surgery and they decided they would schedule it for later in the week. It meant she would have an even longer stay in hospital. Tree knew she had to tell Taylor – but she was worried about her reaction, knowing she would be panicking.
That evening Tree visited for dinner time. She was slightly more subdued than normal, concerned about how to break the news to Taylor about her Mum. Taylor noticed immediately "what's wrong?" Tree rolled her eyes "nothing, just tired". She was hesitant to tell Taylor about Andrea before the meal – worried it would make her too anxious to eat. Taylor continued to push though "I can tell something is wrong, your lips are doing that thing they do when you're lying" Tree laughed "My lips don't do anything!" Taylor giggled "yes they do – they do this" She then attempted to imitate Tree, both of them laughing loudly. Tree's face grew serious and Taylor stopped laughing immediately "You are right though. I have something to tell you.."
Taylor swallowed, nodding slowly "Just tell me, you're freaking me out". Tree took a deep breath "It's your Mum. She needs another surgery..." Taylor's face fell "why? What's wrong?" Tree explained all the information she had and Taylor fought back tears "she's really sick this time isn't she? What if she doesn't make it through – what if it's too dangerous?" Tree held her hand "She is so strong Taylor, they wouldn't do it if they thought it was too dangerous. It's what she needs". Taylor considered it for a few minutes, sitting quietly. She looked up "Tree? I need to see her". Tree had already thought about this – knowing Taylor should get to see her before the surgery just in case. Andrea was adamant still that she couldn't until she was eating. Tree had tried to bargain with her but Andrea had told her 'if this isn't enough motivation – nothing will be. This will be what forces her to get better, we just need to stick with it'. Tree had reluctantly agreed.
She took a deep breath "I spoke to your Mum about it. Her surgery is Friday. If you eat everything for the next 2 days, you can facetime her Wednesday afternoon. That is as good as she is willing to offer..." Taylor's face showed all her hurt "she doesn't want to see me?" Tree squeezed her hand "she REALLY wants to see you – but not until you're doing better. Now I know it's hard for you, that it must feel incredibly unfair – but think of it from her point of view, she needs to focus on her own recovery – she can't be worrying about you. So she thinks by keeping you away – she is protecting you and herself". Taylor stared for a few seconds, biting the inside of her cheek. Logically she knew Tree was right – but it still hurt. Taylor looked down, playing with her fingers anxiously "I can facetime her? For definite?" Tree nodded "If you eat everything – you can facetime her, for definite, on Wednesday". Taylor nodded, looking sad and defeated and although Tree felt awful – she really hoped this was the turning point for the blonde.
When her dinner was brought in, Taylor sat for 30 seconds or so then bravely picked up the fork – forcing down the food. Around 2/3 of the way through the meal she slowed down, taking longer to chew – drinking more water in between but she didn't give up. Eventually the whole plate was gone. Taylor laid back in her bed, the guilt written all over her face – Tree rubbed her arm gently "you did so well". Taylor nodded but sat silently, trying to fight the battle in her mind.
After another 30 minutes the doctor came in, telling Tree it was time to go home. Taylor said her goodbyes – then rolled over and laid in bed, thinking about everything she was missing out on by being here – all the people she couldn't see, all the tour dates cancelled, all the fun lost. She felt so helpless, being locked up – not even able to see her dying Mum and knew that this was it – this was her last chance. Recover or Die.
