Tree had rung and booked Taylor an appointment for the following day.
Taylor woke up in the middle of the night and had the niggling feeling she wouldn't wake up in time. She checked her alarms – making sure they were set properly. When she made sure she had 5 alarms set, she checked the volume to ensure it was on maximum. She locked her phone, laying down again to try and settle but the thought crept in again – so she picked her phone up, opening the alarm app before checking them. She force closed the app then opened it immediately to make sure that she hadn't turned all the alarms off. When she saw they were still set, she checked the volume again. She locked the screen, with the alarms still on screen – then unlocked it immediately. As soon as she had done that she felt settled enough so put the phone down, falling back into a dreamless sleep.
When her first alarm went off, Taylor woke up with a jump. Due to the multiple wake ups in the night she felt more tired than when she went to bed. Taylor was always anxious when she was tired and today was no exception – she could feel the nervous energy pulsing through her.
As she sat with a bowl of cereal in front of her she was pushing it round the bowl, feeling too anxious to eat. She finally gave in, choking down one more bite before throwing the rest of the food away.
She headed upstairs, brushing her teeth and getting dressed quickly before putting some light make up on. She checked her clothes to make sure they had stayed clean before going and checking all the doors and windows – making sure they were closed and locked.
A few minutes later, Tree arrived "you all ready?"
Taylor nodded, tapping her side anxiously as she headed towards the door. As she closed her front door, she pushed on it – double checking it was truly closed and locked.
The two of them climbed in the car and Tree looked over sympathetically "how are you feeling?"
Taylor shrugged "nervous"
Tree nodded, squeezing her hand "I know – but this is the right thing to do. It's good to face your fears"
They set off quickly and drove in silence. As they pulled up outside Taylor hesitated "can we just take a minute?"
Tree nodded "of course – take a few deep breaths"
The blonde did as she was told, closing her eyes and breathing deeply to try and calm herself. Tree noticed she was spinning the ring on her finger again but decided that now was not the time to challenge it. When Taylor had calmed herself down enough she opened her eyes "I know it sounds stupid, but it just feels scary. Like the only thing that makes me feel better is doing these behaviours and I know that she is going to say I need to stop..."
Tree nodded, knowing that was going to be the outcome but not wanting to stress the blonde out even more.
Taylor looked over "anyway, let's just get this over with"
They climbed out the car and headed inside. They were taken straight through and the therapist smiled widely "So I understand the last few weeks have been challenging, do you want to jump straight into that or do you want to catch me up on other things first?"
Taylor turned to Tree, taking a deep breath before looking down "let's get straight to it I guess"
The therapist nodded "OK, so tell me a bit about what has been happening from your point of view then?"
Taylor spun the ring 1,2,3,4,5. 1,2,3,4,5. 1,2,3,4,5. 1,2,3,4,5. 1,2,3,4,5.
"I have been feeling a lot of anxiety, a lot of intrusive thoughts. I have started to do things to try and calm that anxiety. Nothing bad – not dangerous. Just behaviours I guess you'd call them"
