Snarry One Shots

Sex Education

Summary: Because the Ministry once again failed to get things done, the teachers of Hogwarts suddenly have to take on the task of providing sex education to their students. Although Severus only has to teach the preparation of a contraceptive potion, he still hates every minute of this spectacle! And Potter's disinterest makes him particularly furious!

Ships: SeverusSnapexHarryPotter

All credit goes to Mabji_Goose on Ao3

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Why, oh why, did the teachers at Hogwarts always have to bear the brunt when something went wrong at the Ministry of Magic?
After three pregnancies among significantly underage Hogwarts students occurred in a short period of time, the Ministry had decided that the children needed to be educated about safer sex.
Previously, it was not only frowned upon to talk about this topic at school, but it was actually forbidden for the staff members to discuss it, unless the students brought it up first. This was completely absurd, considering that the teachers were allowed to start relationships with the adult students at the castle!
In any case, Kingsley had initially wanted to send healers to the school to individually address each year group. Naturally, that plan didn't work out.
Supposedly, there was just too much to do at St. Mungo's, although Severus considered this a bad joke.
The country was more peaceful than it had been in a long time! There couldn't be more than colds and a few household accidents to take care of.
Nevertheless, Severus was here, doing exactly what he did not want to do!
At least he didn't have to go into all the details. Minerva had already taken care of that, for which he was more than grateful. Heaven forbid he had to explain to a bunch of adolescents how exactly the birds and the bees worked. No one had explained sex to him either!
In his opinion, they should have just handed the teenagers a book on the subject and called it a day.
But he shouldn't get so worked up about it. He only needed to teach the idiots a simple contraceptive potion.

"For this particular potion, it is of utmost importance that you use only fresh ingredients. Inferior or old pomegranate juice, for example, could trigger the exact opposite effect in the potion than what you desire," Severus tried not to let his voice sound too bored.
He wasn't particularly interested in this potion, nor in the antics of his students.
If they thought they had to fool around without caring about the possible consequences, then, in his opinion, they were to blame and should live with it!
At least, that's what he thought about most of the students.
However, seeing Potter with his head on the desk, seemingly paying no attention to his words, annoyed him immensely.
Sure, Granger was, as always, a human sponge, absorbing all the knowledge she could. But that didn't mean the green-eyed man could just rely on his girlfriend.
Severus couldn't quite pinpoint why the relationship between the two bothered him so much.
Maybe it was because he always thought Granger was more like a sister to the Gryffindor. But since the end of the war, they were back at Hogwarts, constantly together, walking arm in arm and whispering, while Weasley was already in Auror training.
At least they didn't snog in public.
Otherwise, Severus might have been sick!
Still, a small voice in his head, which suspiciously sounded like Albus Dumbledore, kept whispering to him that it might be his libido that caused him to take such a keen interest in the private life of the world-famous Gryffindor.

Severus shook off the thought and lined up two potion samples on the desk.
"Here you see two samples of the same contraceptive potion. One I brewed last Tuesday, two days ago. The other, seven months ago. As you can see, the older liquid has a grayer color and is much thicker, almost coagulated."
The students craned their necks to get a better look. All except Potter.
"The older potion is no longer usable. It would only cause cramps and mild poisoning," Severus continued, piercing Potter's skull with an icy glare.
Granger nudged him under the table and nodded toward the Potions Master when the man lifted his head to look at her. Harry glanced briefly at Severus, shrugged, and then put his head back on the table.
"So if a potion shows significant changes, for example due to incorrect storage, or is simply older than four months, then you should simply throw it away and brew something new. Did you understand that, Mr. Potter?" asked Severus angrily, approaching the student's table.
Sometimes the idiot made him so angry!
And at the same time, Severus wanted to see Harry angry too. The faster the Gryffindor's heart beat, the hotter his skin became from pent-up anger, the more the teacher felt as if he could almost taste the student in the air.
Harry looked up at him again, but this time he seemed annoyed instead of bored.
"Yes, yes, dump it after four months, blah blah."
"Perhaps you should listen a little more closely, Potter. Maybe Miss Granger will get fed up with you at some point and then you'll be left with the problem of having to deal with the issue yourself," Severus hissed quietly, leaning forward with sparkling eyes.
The young man laughed coldly. "I don't think I'll ever have any problems with that, Snape!"
"It's Professor Snape to you!" Severus corrected Harry automatically, although it would probably be the fulfillment of his most secret dreams if Harry addressed him by his first name just once. Or better yet, moan his first name.
"And are you seriously so full of yourself that you think Granger will be blinded by your fame forever? Or is it something else? So young and already impotent?"
Severus simply couldn't help the nasty undertone and was pleased to see how passionate anger flared up in Potter's eyes, making him jump to his feet.
Merlin, he really loved it when Harry was so angry. Then he wanted to throw it over his desk and lick all over his body.
"Hardly, I can assure you!" Harry countered coldly. "And yet the topic is not of my interest, but that is not because of Hermione, as you have already insinuated twice now."
"Oh really? Then why do you think it's so beneath you to concern yourself with contraception?"
The smug grin on the student's face made Severus shiver inside, but nothing could have prepared him for his next words.
"Well, I just don't think an unwanted pregnancy would be a problem for me when I enjoy sucking big, hard cocks so much more than sticking mine in some woman!"
Severus didn't know what to say.
Granger, on the other hand, groaned in shock. "Harry, honestly. Your choice of words leaves a lot to be desired."
The Gryffindor turned to his best friend. "Then why don't they get it when I tell them I'm gay? Nobody believes me! Snape is just as ignorant as Ginny. Or Romilda! The only other choice I had to finally clear up any confusion, would have been to show him what I think about the male anatomy. But I believe you would have objected even more to a blowjob right here in front of your eyes. Am I right, 'Mione?"
"I wouldn't have objekted!" Severus said without thinking.
The heads of the two Gryffindors, as well as those of many other students, whipped around to look at their teacher.
But what really made the potions master's face heat up was Harry's look.
Slowly and carefully, his eyes wandered down Severus' body and just as leisurely up again. Here and there his contemplation lingered a little.
When their eyes met again, Potter licked his lips, smiling and lasciviously. Severus almost forgot himself and pulled the man by his collar across his table into a heated kiss. Only at the last second was he able to stop his fingers from grabbing and instead curled them into tight fists at his sides.
Then Severus noticed the deafening silence in the room.
Severus cleared his throat frantically and went back behind his desk.
"You have 30 minutes, after which I want a sample of the potion from everyone on my table. If you don't finish, you can look forward to a weekend full of detention!" he snapped sharply, causing a lot of movement among the students.
Only Potter stayed in his seat.
Grinning, Harry sat there and watched his teacher, who had to try not to stare at Harry too obviously and instead concentrated on keeping the others on their toes.

When the lesson ended, everyone packed up and left. But not without taking a look back at their classmate, who was still sitting in his seat without lifting a finger.
All he did was give Granger a bright grin as she took his school bag from him and gave him another distinct look.
Then they were alone and the door behind Granger was locked.
With a seductive grin that made Severus tremble with anticipation, Harry approached the teacher's desk.
"A whole weekend just for us, yeah? I'll be able to demonstrate more than just my tongue skills to you with all this time at our hands, Severus!"
Severus' breath caught in his throat as he allowed Harry to push him back into his chair, before the young man fell to his knees in front of him.