Snarry One Shots

A Night to Dismember: A Lovers' Tale

Summary: So here he was, caught sticky-handed with a disembodied penis sticking out of his bum.Humor, smut and nothing but. Harry decides to use one of Severus's spells in a very inappropriate way.

Ships: SeverusSnapexHarryPotter

All credit goes to Anonymous on Ao3

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Before moving in with Severus Snape, Harry had been led to believe that it was not for the faint of heart.

As this warning had come from Severus himself, Harry had taken it with a grain—or several—of salt. The former Hogwarts professor was clever in loads of ways, but accurate self-assessment was not, in Harry's opinion, within their number. Neither was a solid belief in the strength of Harry's feelings for him. After all, the man still looked shy and dyspeptic whenever they were in public and Harry asked to hold his hand.

"You'll hate the way I brush my teeth," Severus protested morosely.

"How do you brush your teeth?" Harry wondered, sitting next to Severus on the sofa at the man's Spinner's End house, which Severus was in the process of selling. They were taking a break from packing up his parents' things.

This wasn't their first discussion of the possibility of living together. They'd even narrowed their options down to a few flats they both liked in Diagon Alley and a house near Godric's Hollow.

Harry sneezed. They'd been doing dusty work.

Then he kept prodding. "Doesn't everyone brush their teeth the same way?" He cocked his head. "We could disagree on toothpaste brand, I suppose."

Severus's nostrils flared. "That was just an example," he answered tersely. "It could be that we never agree on what to eat for lunch. Or when to go to bed. Or the acceptable level for ambient noise. It could be any number of things. But there will be something, and you'll hate it." He crossed his arms over his chest and wouldn't meet Harry's eyes, seeming to believe that his point was irrefutable.

"Maybe you'll hate the way I brush my teeth," Harry pointed out, stretching out a foot to nudge one of his trainers against one of the other man's dragonhide boots. "I mean, I like to use a lot of foam. Excessive foam, you might say."

He paused. "But even if you do, we'll still be happy together, in the aggregate."

"The aggregate," Severus repeated with no inflection, glancing up at him again, dark eyes beneath the dark borders of his eyelashes.

"Yeah." Long words were one of the most direct ways to Severus's heart, Harry knew.

Another winning tactic that Harry had learned over time was to overwhelm the man with Gryffindor sincerity. "I love you, you berk."

The declaration caused Severus to look pained and slightly swoony, the way he usually did when confronted by that particular sentiment. "Potter," he pled in a soft growl.

"And it'll be more convenient for shagging," Harry added blithely.

Then he waited. He could hear Severus grinding his teeth.

"Fine," the older man finally answered with a glare.

There was a certain way that Severus glared at him that always made Harry want to climb into his lap and smooch him silly. It might've had something to do with the self-righteous quiver of his nose.

So Harry did, and they bought the house near Godric's Hollow together the next day.

~

It took a few months, but Severus did eventually seem to relax into their new living arrangements. Getting used to each other's work schedules, interrupting each other's concentration, negotiating space. Learning the delicate balance of when to close the door to the loo and when to leave it open.