My daughter -The Rookie

7- The next day

I woke up to my alarm clock and I was happy for a couple seconds, until I remembered what happened yesterday. I turned my alarm off and sat up. I was pretty dizzy. I hadn't eaten anything last night but I wasn't planning on eating anything now. I felt nauseous so I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I looked at my hands and then at myself in the mirror. My hands were still pretty red and blistered from yesterday so I held them under some cold water for a while. My eyes were also red. It took me a long time to fall asleep yesterday. I couldn't stop thinking, I couldn't stop crying. I thought about calling Tim multiple times but he wasn't allowed to see my burned hands. He wasn't allowed to see me like this. The redness on my hands had faded a little, but not as much as I had hoped. After that, I got dressed, put on some makeup to cover my eyes and left for work.

As soon as I walked into the station I saw Tim walking towards me. 'Chen.' He said and I stopped. 'You left your belt in the shop last night.' He said, handing it to me. 'Oh, thank you.' I said, quickly taking the belt of his hands. I didn't want him to see my hands, since I still had a couple burns. 'No problem, Roll call starts in 10, so if you're sure you want to do this shift, you better hurry.' Tim said, looking at his watch. 'Yes, I'll be right there.' I responded, walking off to change.

I changed and as I was walking towards the roll call room, I heard Grey shout my name. 'Chen, Do you have a minute?' He asked and I turned around with a fake smile on my face. 'Yes, of course. What do you need?' I asked. 'It's not about that I need. It's about what you need. Are you sure you want to be working right now?' He asked me unsure. 'Yes, for right now, I'm sure.' I responded. It was convincing but not the truth. Luckily Grey believed my lie, something Tim would have never done. 'Okay, as long as you're sure, but just know you're allowed to give yourself a break sometimes.' 'I know, I appreciate it, thank you.' I said before walking into the roll call room.

I sat down next to John and Jackson. Jackson wanted to say something to me, but I saw him change his mind when he met John's eyes. Another officer handed me a wooden back and memories came back when I saw what was in it. It was the box with block bands, officers wore if there was a death in their department. I put the box down on our table and all three of us grabbed one. I tried to put it on, but my hands were shaking, tired of carrying the load I had on me since the incident. John saw me struggling and offered his help. He pulled the black band over my badge for me. 'Thanks.' I said, my voice soft and sad, after he was done helping me. 'Of course.' He responded, his voice just as quietly as mine.

Grey walked in and the room, which was already quiet, got even quieter. 'There'll be time for grief later. We have a job to finish.' He said, avoiding my glance on purpose. 'Look, I know what's in your hearts. What you want to do more than anything. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it, too.' He quickly looked at me and although I appreciated it, I also felt attacked. 'Word is 'you kill a cop, you never see the inside of a cell.' But that's... that's not what Captain Andersen would want. Killing this loser won't honor her memory. Doing our jobs will. And we owe it to her to do it the right way.' He added. His words were inspiring but they also made me think about last night. Why did I do it? Did I burn to try and honor her or was there something else?

I snapped back when everyone around me started getting up. I quickly looked up to try and figure out what was going on and immediately locked eyes with Grey. He looked at me, worried, so I quickly looked away. I also got up and got the war bags. I loaded them in the boot of the truck and got in the passenger's seat.