My daughter -The Rookie

20- 2 PM

It was time to make our way to the cemetery. Everyone was standing in two rows next to the bus. The bus that would transport her body to the cemetery. It reminded me a little of the day that she passed. Exactly one week ago today, I was standing the same way while they loaded her body into the ambulance. After a moment, the casket finally came. It was being carried by 6 police officers. One of them was Grey, but the others, I didn't know by name. They slowly walked towards the bus and carried her inside. They closed the doors. The first step was complete. I looked over at Tim, who was standing on my right. He looked back at me and without talking, we walked towards his car. We got in and were the first ones to join the line behind the bus. After a couple of minutes we started driving. The drive took about 15 minutes and that whole time, I wanted to start a conversation with Tim, but I didn't know what about.

A sigh escaped me. I felt Tim looking at me but I didn't look back at him. I could only stare at the bus in front of us. 'Have you seen them?' He asked me and I snapped back. 'What?' I asked, looking at him. 'Your parents, have you seen them?' He asked again. 'They're not my parents.' I responded. I sounded a bit irritated, I don't know why, because anger was the last thing I felt, right? 'Okay, what do you want me to call them then?' He continued. I sighed, thinking about it. 'I don't know, let's just go with 'my parents'.' 'Great, but you still haven't answered my question. 'No, I haven't seen them. And I've asked my family too and they haven't either, have you?' I asked back.' A little more relaxed. 'No, I haven't.' He responded. It was quiet again.

Then it happened. For the first time today, a tear rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away but they kept coming. I felt Tim's hand on my thigh. 'It's making you nervous, right?' He asked and I nodded. We both didn't know what to say anymore, so we kept quiet as Tim continued driving.

When we arrived, we waited for the others to arrive. We all walked as a group to her grave and waited for the casket to arrive. I believe there were about 30 people, all silent by the grief. After that, a police officer I didn't know started folding the American flag on top of the coffin. I could hear the American national anthem in the background as I just stared at what the man was doing. Everyone was quiet as the man came up to me and handed me the folded flag. He placed the flag on top of my hands and not long after, a tear landed on one of the stars. It was mine. As hard as I tried not to cry. It felt like something in me died as well. I couldn't help it. A ritual followed before lowering the casket into the hole.

Then it was time for everyone to say their last goodbyes. The police officers started. I watched as they all closed their eyes, muttered something, and then grabbed a handful of dirt to throw over the casket. After they had their turn, they made a line next to the grave and watched how my family said their goodbyes. Tim was the only one who didn't join the line. He came up to me and stood by my side while I didn't even notice him. I just watched, frozen by the thoughts in my mind that had taken all my engerie to move. I was the last one and as I closed my eyes, pictures of memories came back. all the happy ones but also the sad ones. 'I'm going to make you proud, I promise.' I hear echoing in my head. I opened my eyes again and let the sand fall through my fingers onto the casket. It was hard but after a couple seconds I finally found the courage to take a couple steps back.

I turned around and immediately looked into Tim's eyes. I smiled slightly, but he didn't smile back, knowing I was faking it. I just stood next to him again and we all watched how they closed up the hole. After a couple minutes, people began to leave but I couldn't. I was nailed to the ground and even after they closed the hole, I couldn't stop staring at her gravestone. 'Zoe Andersen, february 1, 1981, March 19, 2019.' Was written on it. and underneath that: 'Improvise, adapt and overcome'. She always said that to me and others so I found it really fitting.

'Do you want to go too or should I wait in the car?' I heard a man's voice behind me and I turned around. 'What?' I asked back. Only now I saw that everyone was already gone. Tim repeated his question, patiently. 'Oh, no we can go.' I answered with a bit of reluctance. I looked down at the flag in my hands before we walked back towards the car. It was very quiet in this graveyard. I only heard some birds chirping and very far away, I could hear some cars.