Pancakes & Butterflies

13. Time

With a look of uncertainty, Jiwoong asked Matthew, "What do you mean?" His eyelids were trembling. He had just confessed his heart out to someone who was possibly one of those assholes who had hurt his little brother- it's too much to take in. He wanted to be certain. Matthew sniffed once, struggling hard to hold back from crying. He nodded his head and explained, "I was someone whom he befriended first. But then, I never stood up for him, and probably even enjoyed that he was being bothered by everyone.."

"You enjoyed watching him suffer in the damn bathroom?" Jiwoong's eyes held spite.

"No! That's not what I meant. I mean, yeah I knew they'd prank him, but.. I didn't plan to harass him like that."

"But you liked that others called him names?" This time, Jiwoong's tone wasn't spiteful, rather full of regrets, if you wanna say. So Matthew wanted to give him the whole truth. No fabrication, just the facts, the actual feelings he had at that time. The rest would be up to Jiwoong's judgement.

He told his neighbor everything he had discussed with Taerae that day. How things started, how he was worried, but also part of those useless people. How he wanted to be a part of the prank that turned so evil that Taerae had to leave the school. Jiwoong's eyes changed emotions again and again- but the constant was those regrets.

"Oh my God.. this.. this is so messed up." He brushed through his hair, "So when you two met here, he knew you're one of his bullies?"

Matthew nodded, "And so we talked the day after. He said that he has moved on, but I still wanted to tell you everything even though, I think I'm not fast enough." He sorrowfully eyed the whole preparation Jiwoong made. Would it be the same had he told the guy about these beforehand? Would those love songs still be playing, the candles stilll be burning; would he even be allowed inside this apartment?

"None of you told me anything about it." Jiwoong stood up, still holding his hair with one hand, the other on his waist, "Why, Matthew? Why must it be you of all people?"

Matthew stood up too, sniffing once again. Maybe one of his eyes failed to hold the tear in, cause one side of his cheeks was wet with a thin streak, "I'm sorry, Jiwoonie hyung, I promise if I had known bef-" he tried to touch the elder's hand who moved upon reflex, taking that hand away. For a split second, Matthew stood in shock, but then nodded. He realized, that Jiwoong needed time.

"Seems like you don't like me here anymore." He said, trying not to sound spiteful. Jiwoong didn't say anything. "Fine, if you don't have anything else to ask, I'll... I'll leave." Said the Canadian. That poor cheesecake that had the fox and the cat drawn over stayed intact. Jiwoong didn't even look at him. With a sigh, therefore, the younger left, hanging the door open, standing outside just in case Jiwoong wants to talk to him. But even after a few minutes, he saw no sign of anyone approaching him. In the end, he unlocked his own apartment and got inside, debating whether he had made the right choice by being honest.

He lost track of time, thinking and thinking. Jiwoong was mad. Jiwoong didn't wanna look at him, touch him, talk to him. Jiwoong must hate him. Jiwoong must regret ever taking a liking towards him.

His phone rang around half an hour later. Expectant, he took it, thinking that Jiwoong had called. But it was Gunwook.

"Hyung!" The younger's excited voice was heard, "What's up? How's it going? Are you two dating now??"

Matthew felt sorrow pooling inside him. He could have, had he just kept his mouth shut. Then again, hiding truth to have his man- he didn't fancy that, at all.

"Hyung?" Gunwook asked again, "Eyy are you too shy to talk about it? Did you guys do anything?- wait, why did you pick up the call? Aren't you supposed to be busy with your new boyfriend?"