Pancakes & Butterflies

14. Dinner

"What the hell is wrong with you, Kim Jiwoong!" Gyuvin spoke up the moment his brother opened the door to his apartment. It's the morning after the failed confession, by that time, everyone involved in the preparation got to know about what happened. His youngest brother who was mostly excited to finally see his brother with someone, felt distressed.

"Calm down, Gyuvin ah. There's a reason-"

"I know what the reason is." Said Gyuvin. And this made Jiwoong frown. He thought that maybe Hanbin spread the news but then he noticed the presence of another person behind the tall male, and that someone was Taerae.

"Oh, Taerae, you're here too?"

The two guys walked in. Jiwoong sighed. It's gonna be a long talk, he knew it.

"This is still ridiculous." Gyuvin plopped down on the couch, "You love him, ain't that enough already?"

"Hyung," Taerae asked, "Why did you choose to do things this way?"

"How else am I supposed to take it? It only came to this cause I had no idea he's the one doing those things to you." Jiwoong answered.

"But he did nothing hyung." Said Taerae, "You might think I'm saying this for you, but really, Matthew did nothing to hurt me, like ever."

"But he never tried to stop those who did, right?"

"And can you blame him for that?" Gyuvin asked, "There are so many factors acting here. Why don't you take those into account?"

"Taerae told you everything, huh?" Jiwoong asked his youngest brother, "So what do you think? Don't you despise him?"

"No." Gyuvin replied, "Why would I? That's his past, besides, Taerae hyung forgave him already. They're cool now."

Jiwoong sighed. Of course, Gyuvin was young. He didn't see the struggles. He didn't feel the shock of knowing someone you fell in love with used to hurt someone else really close to you. It's complicated. He couldn't accept it that easily.

"Hyung." Taerae held his brother's hand, "I'm not saying it for anyone's sake. I really, never held any bad feeling for him. In fact, he made me happy at times, simply by talking to me, or being nice with me. I agree, we stopped talking near the end of my stay there, but if you ask me to list who gave me a hard time back then, his name would come last."

"But that's because you didn't know he was supposed to be one of them who locked you in that-" Jiwoong left a deep breath, "Every time I think about it, I just- I can't think positively of him"

Taerae sighed too. The memory was painful. And the uncertainty whether Matthew would have joined them or not was adding more to it. But in all honesty, he didn't hate Matthew. Even for once.

"Okay, listen to me carefully." He said, looking deep in the elder's eyes, "Do you love him?"

"I.." Jiwoong paused. Saying no would be a lie. But he couldn't find it in him to say yes either.

"Hyung, all your life, you've done so many things for us. You became the father figure whenever we needed. So, do you know what we would like the most right now?" Asked Taerae, making a quick eye contact with his little brother. "Is if you only think about yourself for once. Listen to your heart. Forget about my past with him, just- think about how he is with you. What he means to you. Because if you find happiness in him, no one would be happier than the two of us."

"And will you be okay with it?" Jiwoong asked, his eyes trembling. Taerae smiled, "Of course. I think we two would make great friends."

Jiwoong nodded. For some reason, the heavy burden was lifted off his chest. Yes, he wasn't certain about his decision yet, but maybe knowing that Taerae would be alright worked for the good.