Sound of Silence (Good Hearts Series #1)

Chapter 22

I can't talk to people because I'm still hurt by what happened to Henri. I want to go to the orphanage to talk to Mother Helena but there's a part of me that doesn't want to know the truth.

Hindi ako lumalabas ng kwarto at nakatulala lang ako sa pangalan ni Henri.

How can I accept this?

Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko alam na ganito pala kasakit mawalan ng minamahal sa buhay.

Mas lalo akong natatakot maiwan. Ayokong maiwan.

"Hey, how could you not tell me about our relationship? I'd be glad if I knew you were my brother..." I said while looking at his urn.

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from crying and looked at the ceiling. Huminga ako nang malalim at muling tumingin sa urn.

"I was desperate to have a family, Henri!" Kumawala ang mga luha ko. "A-ang daya mo... you should have told me the truth!"

Bumukas ang pinto at pumasok si Favro. Hindi ako natigil sa pag-iyak at agad niya akong niyakap. I was crying on his shoulder. No one warned me that it would be this painful to lose a family. I never had a family before and I didn't know it would hurt like this. Para na rin akong pinapatay.

It's too hard to handle this kind of pain. Parang kaya ko dalhin ang lahat pero huwag lang ang mawalan ng pamilya.

"I'm here... I'm here, darling..." Hinagod niya ang likod ko.

"F-Favro, he was my brother... I lost him! I lost my family!" Humikbi ako.

"I understand your pain, darling. I'm here. I won't leave you alone. Your pain is my pain, too." Hinarap niya ako at inayos ang buhok ko. "Hindi kita iiwan."

Hindi tumigil ang mga luha ko. Nakilala ko siya bilang kaibigan ko at kahit doon kami nag-umpisa, sobrang sakit na nawala siya. I hope he was here. I hope he was alive.

Tinulak ko si Favro. "It's your fault!" sigaw ko. "Hindi mo na sana ako dinala sa Paris!"

"I didn't know you'd met him there. Please, darling, calm do—"

"I hate you!" sigaw ko habang umiiyak.

I hate myself, too. I hate everyone. I hate this life. I just want to disappear because I don't want to feel this pain anymore. Hindi ko 'to kayang dalhin.

"Ali..." mahinang sambit niya at lumapit sa akin. "Y-you changed..."

Tahimik akong umiiyak habang nakatingin sa kanya. Inabot niya ang mga kamay ko. "Can you give me back my old Ali?" Namuo ang luha sa mga mata niya.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. I was just crying.

"I-I don't think this is you... pwede bang bumalik ka na sa dati?" Tears streamed down his face.

And that when I realized what I did to him. Mas lalo akong napaiyak dahil tinutulak ko na palayo sa akin si Favro nang hindi 'yon namamalayan.

Humagulgol ako at yinakap siya. "I-I'm sorry!"

Narinig ko ang paghikbi niya at mas hinigpitan ang pagkakayakap sa akin. Paulit-ulit akong humingi ng tawad sa kanya at paulit-ulit niya rin sinabi na palagi niya akong iintindihin.

Nasaktan ko 'yong kaisa-isang tao na walang sawang iintindihin ako.

I really hate myself.

Favro helped me so I helped myself, too. Sinusubukan kong bumangon ulit pero hindi nawawala ang takot sa puso ko na baka balang araw ay iwan ako ng mga taong nakapaligid sa akin.

"I'm really sorry," I said. He held my hand and smiled at me. Iyong ngiti na nagsasabi na nandiyan lang siya para sa akin. 'Yong ngiti na kahit wala siyang sabihin ay gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko. Ngiti na pinapakita sa akin na palagi niya akong iintindihin.