Silent : Unveiling the Turmoil of a Teenage Heart

CHAPTER 18

TRIGGER WARNING : MENTION OF EATING DISORDER AND THROWING UP.

LILY / SAM

LILY

It's been a month since my grandmother made the gnocchi chicken skillet. Ever since that monday, she makes it at least twice a week. I'm getting kind of sick of it. Not only sick of the dish, but sick of pretending to enjoy eating in general. If I could, I would never eat again. But I can't survive without food. So I usually have a piece of fruit for the day. Dinner doesn't count, since I usually throw it up.

Right now, I'm at school. I remember those days I'd get chocolate bars at ten in the morning and I wouldn't care. Now I can't even look at the vending machine anymore.

I'm walking in the halls with Soori. It's our second lunch break. Soori looks fucking perfect today. Wearing a white long-sleeve and low rise, blue jeans. Her hair pin-straight and pretty dark eyes you could drown in if you look for too long.

And there's me, walking next to her. A girl who's fat compared to Soori. I'm wearing a black long-sleeve and black, straight leg jeans. I feel so much uglier next to Soori. And she tells me I'm pretty all the time, but how can I believe her? What if she's just saying that out of pity? Soori's beauty is unreal, how could she ever find someone like me pretty?

"Aren't you hungry? You haven't eaten yet." Soori asks as she turns to me. "No, not really. I had a pretty heavy breakfast." I answer as I run my fingers through my hair. "Oh, okay. If you want a bite of my cookie, just say so." Soori was eating chocolate chip cookies. They did look delicious, but I just couldn't get myself to say 'Yes, Soori. I would actually love a bite of your cookie.' Instead I lied and told her I had a heavy breakfast. I drank a fucking cup of tea, that was my breakfast. Nonna was still asleep when I had breakfast, so she wasn't there to force me to eat.

A guy walks up to Soori. He was tall, white, blonde haired, sapphire eyes and a diamond shaped face. "Hey, can I have your Snapchat?" He asks as he looks down at Soori. "No, thanks." Soori answers as she keeps walking. I might seem selfish right now, but why is it always Soori? Why never me? Why am I just a 'side character'? Why am I known as Soori's friend? I'm not only Soori's friend, I'm a lot more interesting than just that. I love Soori, and I love having her as my friend. But why is she so perfect and why am I not like that? Why do guys never like me?

"I hate these type of boys." Soori says as she rolls her eyes. "Yeah, me too." I muttered. "Everything okay, Pink?" She asks as she links her arm with mine. "Yeah, of course. I'm just tired." I reply. "Well, we only have one class left. I can't wait to take an after-school-nap." Soori leans her head against me as we keep walking. We kept walking like that for the entire lunch break.

TIME SKIP : AFTER SCHOOL

SAM

Our last period finally ended. We had English class, which wasn't too bad. The four of us were walking to our lockers once again. Lily's locker is close to mine. We both made sure we had all our things. The halls were loud since everyone was either done with classes or was switching to their next class. Lily started talking to me as she grabbed her things.

"I was talking about you with Nonna. She forgot who you were." Lily smiles as she tells me that. "Really? Nonna forgot me?" I questioned, pretending to be hurt. "She's getting old." True. Nonna is getting older. Everyone is. "Maybe I should come over. See if she remembers me." I suggest. "You want to?" Lily asks, turning to me. I nod at her question. "But I came on the bike. I can't take you home on that broken thing." She explains as she swings her backpack over her shoulder. "I can put it in the back of my car. Unless you don't want me to come over, you can just say so." I lock my locker and also put my backpack on. "No, I'd love that. We can try and fit the bike in."