Silent : Unveiling the Turmoil of a Teenage Heart

CHAPTER 28

LILY

Soori and I called that night after Noah brought us all back home. I explained her everything. How my insecurities started, how I dealt with it, opening up to Sam about it, confessing to Sam about my romantic feelings and to where we are now.

Soori is a great listener. She also gives me great advice. Soori offered me to go to the gym with her sometime. She thought it was a better way for me to lose weight, if that was what I really wanted. I tried going to the gym before, but it wasn't working fast enough for me. But maybe it would be more fun with a friend who you can talk to. So, Soori and I are going to the gym tomorrow night.

We had talked for hours on the phone. Before we were about to hang up, Soori told me I should come to school tomorrow. I wasn't sure if I was ready for it, but I wanted to do it for Soori. For Sam. For Noah.

The hug we had at Hank's made me feel so loved, so comforted, so safe. It was then confirmed to me that my friends actually liked me and that I could trust them. I was glad that nobody had judged me about my problem. All important people in my life now knew and they all wanted to help me. Nonna allowed Sam to come over much more often to give her some advice and instructions on helping me out. Sam was also there to help me eat when Nonna wasn't home. Soori offered to help me lose weight in a healthier way. She also calls me a lot more often than she did before, just to check on me. Noah texts me every night to check if I ate. He even gets me to send a picture to him almost every time I have some food.

Everyone cared, and that's what made me less insecure. I was finally starting to recover a bit. I even made myself food when I got hungry. I started eating when I was home alone. I had no one to coach me as I ate, and I still did it. I'm finally getting better.
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It was the morning after our hang out at Hank's. I was getting ready for school. I was going back today. I even ate breakfast this morning. It wasn't a heavy breakfast, but still. I had breakfast for the first time in months. I had a small bowl of fruit. It tasted great.

Today, I wore a light blue, oversized T-Shirt and black, straight leg jeans. I had my hair down. I waited for the clock to hit 7:40 AM. That's when I would start cycling to school. Nonna came up to me as I sat on the couch, patiently waiting to head to school. She sat down next to me and just looked at me. I glanced up from my phone. "What's wrong, Nonna?"

She looked at me, a proud smile appearing on her face. "I'm just so proud of you, Candy." She looked at me as if I was the best thing in the world. Nonna slowly opened her arms and leaned closer, insisting a hug. I sat still as she wrapped her arms around me. I was in shock.

I'm just so proud of you, Candy.

It was something Nonna didn't say often. But it was something I really needed. Especially now, in this rough time. 

"Why?" I asked. "Because you're finally recovering. Such a big step." I then finally wrapped my arms around her too and hugged her back. Oh, how I loved my Nonna. We sat there like that for a little longer, until I realized it was time for me to go. I slowly slipped out of Nonna's arms, standing up from the couch.

"I have to go, Nonna." I said. "Okay, Candy. Have a good day." Nonna gave me that warm smile she always has. I returned it, then headed to the hallway. I put on my shoes. I didn't bother putting on a jacket, since it would be a nice weather today. I put my backpack over my shoulders after I made sure I had everything. I took one quick look in the mirror before I went to school.

You'll be fine.

I gave myself a nod, then turned to the front door. I stepped out, then closed the door behind me again. I headed to my bike, which was parked in the front yard. Before I grabbed my key to unlock it, I put my AirPods in. Cycling with music made it a lot more fun. I put my favorite playlist on. The song 'Taking What's Not Yours' by TV Girl started playing in my AirPods. I then unlocked my bike, got on it, and cycled away from my house. It was refreshing, cycling in the early mornings again. I hadn't been to school in quite a while, and I sort of missed the feeling. I didn't like school nor the work we had to do, but just the feeling of having a rhythm again felt fresh. I felt the gentle breeze  as I cycled through the busy streets. It was early, but everyone was heading to school or work, so there was a lot of traffic. I felt calm as I cycled, energetic songs blasting in my ears. It gave me a lot more motivation to keep on cycling and head to school.

After about ten to fifteen minutes, I arrived at school. I parked my bike in one of the bike racks they had placed on the school yard. I took my key out and put it in the pocket of my jeans. I disconnected my AirPods from my phone as I headed to the main entrance of my school, then put them back in their case as I kept walking. I also put my AirPod case in my pocket, then looked back to what was in front of me. When I reached the entrance of my school building, I pushed the big doors open and walked through the school building. I walked up the big stairs, then took a left, leading me to the lockers. There I spotted Noah. 

"Hey." I called out. His head turned to the sound of my voice. He smiled as he saw me. "Hey, Lily." His voice sounded somewhat relieved. He walked over to me, leaving his locker open. He pulled me into a warm embrace. "I'm happy you're back." He said in his usual, hoarse voice. "Me too..." My voice was soft, my eyes closed as I felt safe and comfortable in our embrace.

 Even if Noah and I didn't talk much, we still had a strong bond. I may not have what I have with Soori or Sam with him, but I still had a bond with him. And I loved Noah as a friend. He was an amazing friend. No matter how unserious he can be, he was the best in these moments. Everyone needs a friend like that.

We let go of each other. Noah looked down at me and gave me a comforting smile before he guided me to my locker. I gave him one last smile before he also turned back to his own locker. As I unlocked my locker and grabbed my books, Noah spoke up. "Did you have breakfast?" He asked as I heard his locker door being slammed shut. "I did." I proudly said, also closing mine and turning to him. "Really? What'd you eat?" A smile slowly started appearing on his face. "A bowl of fruit." His eyes brightened, his smile lines appeared and his teeth showed. "I'm so proud of you, Lils." He complimented, keeping his smile. "Thanks, Noah." I returned the smile.

Two people told me they're proud of me today. I felt happy that people were proud of my process of healing, which got me motivated to keep going. I started eating light foods, went back to school and talked about food without feeling disgusted. It was such a big thing for me to be able to do that again. Oh, how I missed being normal.