Silent : Unveiling the Turmoil of a Teenage Heart

CHAPTER 23

TRIGGER WARNING : MENTION OF THROWING UP. There is also a mention of an exact weight in this chapter. If you weigh the amount I mentioned, that's not a bad thing. I describe it as something bad, because that's the way the character feels about it. Everyone is beautiful, no matter how much they weigh. Everything I describe in this story is NOT based on real people, it's all made up.

SOORI / LILY

SOORI

Monday again. Weekends seem so short. Why is Monday so far away from Friday, but Friday is so close to Monday? Weird, right?

At least I survived school today. I sat with Elijah during lunch for the first time. It wasn't awkward at all. It felt so nice, so natural. It's like I've known him for years.

Noah nearly fell in the cafeteria today, Sam fell asleep in history class and Lily surprisingly didn't show up. I wonder why she didn't. I texted her, but she didn't reply. She didn't call in sick either, cause all teachers asked us where she was. If she did call in sick, it would've been noted somewhere. It's probably not that big of a deal. She's probably just sick and Nonna didn't know how to call her in sick for school.

It's 1:47 PM. School ended around 1:15 PM today, so that was very nice. I love it when school ends early. I walk over to the kitchen and see something on the counter. A blueberry muffin. I am fucking starving. I need food right now. I take the blueberry muffin from the counter and take it with me to the dining table. I sit down in my seat and take off the wrapper from the muffin. Jae walks in. He sits down in his seat, opposite of mine. I take a bite from my muffin. Jae smirks at me. "What?" I ask, my mouth still full. "Enjoying your muffin?" He asks as he leans back in his chair. "Yes, very much." I take another bite. "What does it taste like?" He questioned in a teasing tone. "Blueberry." I raise my eyebrow, confused to why he's acting so weird. "And?" "Just blueberry. What's wrong, Jae?" I place the muffin on the dining table. "Are you sure that muffin doesn't taste a little different?" Jae leans closer to me. I look down at the half-eaten muffin. Oh. My. God. "Jae..." I start. He raises his eyebrows, waiting for me to continue my sentence. "Did you...lick this muffin?" I hesitate. I'm praying he didn't. "Like a lollipop." He flexes. "Jae! That is fucking disgusting! Why would you leave a licked muffin on the counter like that?" I fumed. "To see if you'd eat it." He calmly says. I grab the muffin and stuff it in his face. I pull away, revealing a blue-faced Jae. I laugh at him, his face filled with shock (and muffin). "I will fucking strangle you, Soori." He wipes the muffin off of his face. "Sure." I get up from the chair and walk upstairs to go brush my teeth. I need to get all Jae's dirty bacteria out of my mouth. That sounded like I kissed my brother, but he really just licked that muffin.

I get inside the bathroom and open the cabinet to grab my toothbrush. I wet it, fill it with toothpaste, wet it again and start aggressively brushing my teeth. After two minutes of brushing my teeth, I clean the sink and my toothbrush and put everything back in it's place. I've never felt more disgusting. This was probably the most disgusting Jae has ever done to me. Jae is honestly really weird. The worst thing is that he finds himself like super funny. He's not.

San is a lot more calm. He can be annoying, but another type of annoying. He's annoying because he leaves the door open after he went inside my room. Or when he steals the remote from me. Or when he purposely gets all the plates and cutlery super dirty so I have to do more dishes. Jae is on another level of annoying. When I tell you this boy made me think a piece of onion was a piece of cucumber and then proceeded to make me eat that entire piece of onion in one bite, I'm not lying. Living with Jae is just pure torture.

I go back downstairs, only to see Jae in the kitchen, aggressively washing his face. I snort as I watch him nearly drown because of how much water he has thrown on his face.

"What are you laughing at?" He asks as he turns of the faucet. "You." "I don't know, but you're the one who ate a licked muffin. I think you should be
laughed at." Jae dries off his face with a piece of paper towel. "True, but you're right cheek is still blue." I point at him. "You're such a bitch." He says as he turns the faucet back on. I giggle as I walk away.

How boring would life be as an only child?

LILY

Life is so boring. I stayed home today, because I felt 'sick.' I did actually feel sick, but I knew why. I haven't eaten anything in two days. And when I say I ate nothing, I mean actually nothing. I already felt pretty tired yesterday's hang out. It was still fun, but I already knew that I wasn't going to be able to go to school today.

I know I'm completely ruining myself. This isn't a healthy lifestyle and I cannot keep living like this. But I can't stop. I finally see some progress. I'm starting to slowly lose weight. Not much yet, but it's happening. That's the goal. Lose weight until I am satisfied. Right now, I weigh one hundred and sixty-three pounds. People always tell me it's not that bad, but it is bad to me. I have rolls of fat that are clearly visible when I sit down. I wear high waisted jeans and oversized shirts to cover it up. And when I wear something more revealing I just suck it all in. I hold my breath as much as I can and sit in a certain position that doesn't show my fat rolls as much. Must be nice to not have to think about the way you fucking sit.

Here I am, laying in my bed. A bucket besides me, a bottle with cold water on my nightstand and a fan blowing cold air in my direction. I'm watching a K-Drama called 'My Name' on Netflix. Such a good show. I've been binging it.

Nonna walks into my room with a bowl in her hands. "I made you vegetable soup." She carefully walks over to me. "Oh, that's sweet of you, Nonna." I slowly sit up, reaching my hands out to take the bowl from her. "I didn't put too much, because I don't want you to throw up. I heard you gagging and coughing in the bathroom last night." Nonna gives me the bowl. True, I was in the bathroom last night. I had a feeling I had to throw up, but I hadn't eaten anything, so nothing came up. So all I did was gagging and spitting out saliva.

I haven't told my friends I was staying home. I didn't call in sick either. I don't want to stress about that right now. I'll just wait until one of my friends asks me where I was today.

"Yeah. I didn't throw up or anything, I just felt like I had to for a moment." I explain. "Okay, Candy. If you need anything just call my name." Nonna winks at me as she exits the room. She closes the door behind her and I hear her footsteps fade into the hall. I. Have. To. Eat.

I lift the spoon that Nonna brought with the soup. I fill up the spoon with some soup, vegetables and a single meatball. I carefully blow on the food to cool it off, then slowly bring the spoon to my mouth. I take a bite. It feels good. After two days of nothing, it feels nice. Do you gain a lot of weight from soup? I place the bowl on my nightstand and search it up.

Can you gain weight from vegetable soup?

You can gain weight from soup. Depends on what kind of soup. Google didn't say vegetable soup though. Maybe I'll just eat this when I'm hungry. I'm not hungry easily anymore, because I'm getting pretty used to barely eating. I could go with one meal a day. Not an actual meal. I could get through the day with a single smoothie.

I know it's not healthy, but I can't stop.
___

wr1tebr1ght here. is 163 pounds the same as 73 kilograms? google says so, but idk if it's right. in my country we use kg instead of pounds. but since the story takes place in america i do want it to be correct 🙃