The Elite Bride ( I was enchanted to meet you, princess )

《 44. His Reason 》

जाने वो कैसे लोग थे जिनके प्यार को प्यार मिला

हमने तो जब कलियाँ माँगी काँटों का हार मिला|

खुशियों की मंज़िल ढूँढी तो ग़म की गर्द मिली

चाहत के नग़मे चाहे तो आँहें सर्द मिली

दिल के बोझ को दूना कर गया जो ग़मखार मिला|

(I wonder what kind of people find their love reciprocated

 Whenever I asked for flowers, I received a garland of thorns

I searched for a destination of joy, but I found a circle of sadness

 I desired tales of love, but I received only the coldness of sighs

The burdens of my heart only doubled, if I met someone meant to relieve my sorrow)

Jane Woh Kaise Log The by Hemant Kumar

Trigger warning: Mentions of suicide ahead

R A G H A V

*Flashback*

I was once again caged in that atrocious and gruesome night. Trapped by deceit, ego-crush, heartbreak, anger, betrayal and anguish. I wanted to thrash and escape from the clutches of that witch, moreover I wished to die. Yes, in that murky, dull and daunting prison where I was surrounded by darkness and gut-wrenching void I wished to get a blade and cut the life out of me. I hoped to end that settling loneliness. I hoped to end it once and for all. 

And I think once my stormy grey eyes turn empty my brother would sympathise with me enough to forgive me. I think that once he looks at my blank eyes staring into nothingness, he would have a mild understanding of how crippling my loneliness was that I couldn't help then and indulged with the wrong person and I couldn't help now but give up now because of that wrong indulgence. And I wish Baba sa would comprehend that his beloved elder son couldn't handle the crushing weight of responsibilities he was put under. I wish for once my sulking and grieving father would come and caress my head like Maa sa used to do while she was alive. And I hope Maa sa forgives me for giving up on her husband and her son and myself, but what can I really do? What can a lone man do by himself? Live a life in the name of fulfilling responsibilities and stop giving a fuck about the world because it has turned his back to him? Well, easier said than done. And I hope Matteo just lets me go with the same ease he let his wife go. Just a blade, I need, to end it all.

The bell of the prison rings and the gates of my adjoining cells barge open with hungry monsters dying to fill their pot bellies with the disgusting food of the canteen. Not seeing me come out, the jailer approaches my cell and bangs his baton on the bars of my cell. 

"Come out, you monster." he yells.

Sighing, I sluggishly lift my wounded and beaten body up from the cold floor and pressing my hands on the clothes I limp towards the exit, my plans to end myself failing. I lurk behind the loud crowd and follow them to the food canteen. The canteen is nothing but a huge vault-like setup with two guards standing at the entrance of it and a few of them serving the food, standing on the opposite side of the tables while some gossiping about how someone died last week by food poisoning. I can hear what they are saying and even hear the murmurs of the crowd walking ahead of me as I easily tower over each and every single men over here except for the guy with a scar stretching from the left of his head to the the right of his face, the edge of his scar ending somewhere in his overgrown beard. He literally looks scary to most of the inmates here even the one who are imprisoned for multiple murders or serial killing.