The Elite Bride ( I was enchanted to meet you, princess )

《 31. Apne Hi Rang Mein Mujhko Rang Dein 》

Warning : This chapter contains disturbing content, if you are uncomfortable reading it, I request you to read the next chapter.

J A N A K I

I was scared honestly, I didn't know how would Raghav react at my secret. It was a thing I was most ashamed about, I didn't know how to admit it to anyone and the least of all the possibilities of his reaction I could imagine, I did not even in my wildest dreams think of him asking 'Who did that to you?' 

I got baffled at his words, to tell him who did that to me would be like taking out the rawest form of my soul and presenting it to a man again. It would be like to take the young bud of a future flower and snapping it, just to break it. It's not like I don't trust him, for an assault victim, I let him come close to me. He respected me and didn't miss any signs of hesitation or discomfort I might have shown him. Just like today, when his question about honeymoon shocked me, he got the point, he caught onto the hesitation, he caught onto the trauma I still seldom struggle with and his behaviour impressed me a lot.

But when it comes to trusting a man again, I think I might forever not trust a man again. I think I might not even let my fiance close to me. If I got startled by his insinuation then what would happen when he wants to be intimate with me? What would happen when he wants me? Would I turn him away? Would I make him hate me? What if he cheats- no, he could never do something like that. He would never. Right?

As I am washing off all the remnant haldi I started rubbing my cheeks too hard, looking at the yellow color turning into maroon suddenly, just made my skin crawl. Like how can such a beautiful color as yellow that symbolises joy, hope, sunshine , summer and what not on the optimistic side of the spectrum turn itself into a hue as dark and drab color as maroon, the color of blood. Blood! Fuck, why in the world did I think about blood? 

I can see my vision zooming in on the tiny splatters of blood on my cheek, on my lower lip, at the tip of my nose, I tried rubbing all the three areas simultaneously with my two hands and as expected I failed. I failed again to rub and ruin and make the stains and pains vanish. Ugh! I hated this so much.

I broke down, feeling helpless. As I started to wipe my tears away, I saw the tears fading into the bloody dots on my face as if the blood was soaking my tears, as if it knew that the cause of those tears were that individual's blood. It felt like the stains owned me, they had right over me, they had right over my pain too. As if they were owning up to what they have caused, but never were punished.

I couldn't bear it anymore. So I yelled.

I yelled so loudly that my throat dried and ached.

I started thrashing away all the toiletries near the mirror. I wanted it all to go away. 

Loud noises of all the items falling on the floor were heard but it was a muted sound for me as that night's voices were ringing in my head.

My muffled cries

Scraping sounds

Ripping of my clothes

"Ahhhhhhhhhh stop! Stop. I will kill you with my bare hands. Don't touch me. I said don't touch me!" 

"Janaki, shh- its me, Raghav." I heard a soft voice.