I lie in the darkness for a moment or two before I finally attempt to peel my eyelids from my eyes.
My head is throbbing and my entire body aches. I'm lying on my sofa, at 6 foot 4 I'm too tall to lie on any bodies sofa
"Fuck" I groan as I attempt to unfold myself from my resting place and I'm momentarily hit by a waft of perfume. I peer through the slits that are my eyes, I can't see anyone else, I'm fully dressed
Fuck!
I look at my knees, my jeans are blood stained, my wounds covered with bandaids, and then I look at my right hand, my knuckles are bound with a bandage, the blood is still slowly seeping through and they sting like a motherfucker
What the hell did I get up to last night???
I look at the large, silver, circular, clock that hangs on my wall...
4oclock... my living room is bright with sunshine so that means it must be 4pm but it can't be...
I take out my phone and confirm that it is in fact 4pm
What the fuck did I do this morning?!
I close my eyes and try to travel back through my memory but it's blank.
I pick up my phone and open it hoping to find evidence.
No photos, usually when I'm black out and can't remember anything I wake up to a few nudes or maybe a video I took during sex but there's nothing new so I go to my texts
Fuck!
I sent 20 messages to Taylor , she replied to zero.
'Are you okay?'
'Message me back if you get this so I know you're okay'
'Has your dad found the phone?'
'I don't care if your dad's there or not I'm going to call you pick up'
On and on until...
'I'm on my way to the studio'
Fuck!
Did I go there?
Who did I fight with?!
Then my heart drains of blood
Did I fight with Taylors dad?!
No!
I wouldn't!
...okay I would but If I had he would have me in jail by now and he'd be gloating about it on the news
I click onto the Just Jared Instagram page and click through, my heart hammering in my chest as my brain continues to throb in my head
There's nothing. So I go on to google and google my own name
Nothing new!
Thank fuck!
But that doesn't answer so many questions I have. I push myself to my feet and I'm immediately hit by a wave of nausea. This is the time I would usually reach for 'hair of the dog' but my fear Taylor has been caught up in my latest escapade causes me to dial and request a car.
First I need to clean up and then I need to face the damage I have done
*********************
"Are you calm now?" Asks Tiago
Was I not calm before???
I don't want to admit to Tiago that I don't actually remember anything that happened so I just nod and smile
"Sure"
"Okay but you owe Lara an apology"
What the fuck did I do to Lara?!
I like Lara!
"Sure"
We begin walking through reception and I quickly spot Lara with her crimson coloured hair a multitude of facial piercings, I shout over that we'll talk in a little bit and she smiles sweetly 'Sure Trav' and then she lowers her head and carries on with her work and I feel a little bit of relief that at least one apology I have to make seems like it will be accepted easily
"Your girlfriend is not here" he informs me and I don't miss the smirk on his face
"She's not my girlfriend" I say firmly but he just chuckles so I grab his arm and pull him to me "I'm serious Tiago don't be saying that shit about me, I told you before we aren't dating, she's not my girlfriend"
"Seems like someone has a little bit of lost memory" he pulls his arm from my hand and crosses his arms over his thin, muscleless chest
"Tell me" I sigh, leaning my back against the wall as my heart began to do the tango in my chest
"You tell me. All I know is you turned up here demanding to see Taylor, the girls said no, knowing the instructions from her father and you went ballistic, saying she was your girlfriend and no one had the right to tell you that you couldn't see her, you scared the life out of Lara"
"I'll apologise"
He nods "And then you put your fist through the wall"
"I'll pay for it"
He nods again
"What happened Travis? I'm not going to say this isn't like you because we both know it's very like you but not here, not where you work"
I shake my head, ashamed of my behaviour once again but already accepting it will never change. I am who I am, the way my dad and my past has made me
"Where's Taylor now?"
"I don't know, she took you home..." I look down at the bandaids and bandages, that was Taylor, she fixed me up "She said she'd be straight back so I made an excuse with Scott but she was gone a couple hours, when she got back he just announced we were done for the day and left"
"Was he mad? Did he buy the excuse?"
"Who knows with Scott. Come on, I want you to hear the final mix of Youth"
He turns and walks towards our studio but my mind is still battling to make sense of my missing hours.
Taylor came to my house, she fixed me up and then..."
'Don't leave me, please don't leave me, I hate sleeping alone'
...and she stayed and now she's gone and I can't help the dark feeling seeping in to my chest when I think about her leaving here with her father after having been missing for a few hours the scent of me still on her skin from when we lay on my sofa and I held her tight
'My girlfriend' in my weakest most inebriated moments I had called her that and she had stayed with me, tended to me, soothed me to sleep and now she's gone and I feel like shit for being so eager to convince Tiago she was not when she had acted in every way as though she was
