"How do you feel?"
"Like my heart has actually broken into a hundred pieces and each piece is piercing my insides" I wipe my eyes with my sleeve and then rest against the soft, brown leather sofa of my hotel room
"How was he?" Nesto looks at me with sad eyes, his rivalry with Travis long gone
"Broken, desperate, hung over, remorseful..."
"It won't last. As soon as he's sober.."
" I know that, don't you think i know?!" I'm harsher than I want to be but my heart is literally disintegrating in my chest as I speak
"Tay..."
"I love him so much Nesto"
" I know you do but he's an addict, he's always been an addict, ever since you met him alcohol was a priority"
"I want him with me Nesto!!!, I can't live without him" I wipe at my tears again hating how they seem to just pour from me as my back aches with sobbing
"You gave him a chance tonight when you said enough was enough. If he was serious about quitting he would have broken down and told you everything, begged you to take him to rehab, you're doing the right thing Taylor"
More tears slip hopelessly down my face as I feel Travis slipping further and further away from me, I'm losing him to the darkness in his mind and I'm terrified he's losing himself to it too.
Out of the blue my phone suddenly starts ringing in my purse causing Nesto and I to both jump in shock and as I pull it out I see Travis' name on the screen "It's Travis"
"Leave it"
"I can't"
"Tay..."
"Nesto I just can't" and I press the accept button and hear my worst nightmare, the sound of a club, music and loud voices filling my ears and causing my heart to shatter even further "Travis..."
"Taylor it's Jake..."
My blood runs cold at his voice, a million worst case scenarios flood my mind in the few seconds it takes for him to continue speaking "Travis is at 'In and Out' he's having some sort of meltdown in the bathroom all he wants is you he won't let anyone else near"
"I'll be there" I'm on my feet grabbing my purse and signalling to Nesto that we have to go in seconds
"It isn't pretty" Jake warns but I couldn't care, no matter how bad it is Travis needs me and I need to be with Travis
*************
"Travis?"
She appears out of nowhere, dressed as she was the last time I saw her only now her hair is down in loose curls just as I like it and once again my heart aches at how beautiful she is
I had her...
I fucked up...
I lost her...
Through the haze of my intoxication I grab blindly for what I hope is alcohol but instead my obsessed hands grab at her as she falls to her knees in front of me and grabs my face the way she always did when she wanted to kiss me and I jolt forward desperate for the feel of her lips
"No"
But I can't stop myself trying again
"I said no!"
This time she's harsher and I push her away from me as I back up into the corner of the bathroom, knees to my chest, arms over my head and I have no greater desire in the world that to just stop existing, to stop the demons that live in mind, to exterminate the entity that is Travis fuckin Kelce
"Trav..."
Her hands are back on me but if I can't have her I suddenly can't stand to have her near me so I yell and curse at her to go, telling her I don't want her and don't need her
Fuck if only she knew how much I do need her right now but my mind isn't my own, the intoxication is too great for me to think or see straight
"Please..."
She's begging me but her voice is doing something, it's seeping into all the broken pieces of me and it hurting me more
I cry out for her to stop and through my tears I see tears of her own
"TALK TO ME" she screams
"FUCK YOU FOR LEAVING ME!" I scream back, clutching at my hair, pulling hard, hoping for physical pain to cut through this mental torment and then from out of nowhere a calmness floods my chest, I look up at her, her beautiful eyes red and tear stained, she's beautiful even when she's in pain and she's here, she's came to save me
"Travis you are scaring the shit out of me right now, please talk to me, tell me how to help you" she sobs and I reach out and take her hand
"I'm sorry" I whisper "smoothing my thumb over the back of her hand and smiling at soft her skin is "Brian was my best friend, since we were kids we did everything together, I had just passed my driving test, we were driving around, just 2 kids, talking y'know? About girls, music, school..."
"You don't have to do this now" she says offering me a way out but I don't take it because all of a sudden, tonight, I don't want it
"He wanted to go faster so I went faster..." the memories hit me full force but I don't run from them as Taylors hand begins to stroke my face gently "A drunk driver hit my car, we flipped and then my best friend burned to death right next to me"
The smells and sounds fill every part of my being but I continue, somehow unharmed by them right now "The driver of the other car walked away, I was injured, the scar I tell everyone was from having my appendix removed and this" I touch the small scar on my cheek "Is all I have as a reminder of that day. The driver was so drunk he barely even remembered what happened whereas I have spent every second of every day since trying to forget"
"Oh my God" her voice is quiet as her arms go around her neck
"Whatever I have to do Taylor, whatever I have to tell you, whatever it is to make sure I don't lose you I'll do. I couldn't do anything to save Brian but if I can do something to save us"
"Come to Miami with me. Tomorrow. Please"
*so I think just the epilogue to go x
