I stand at the microphone and know all eyes are on me for reasons other than my voice.
I have seen the stares, heard the whispers ever since I stepped foot out of my car and I have to admit it feels good.
There's no sign of Travis but he said he would be here with his band so I try to focus on the song and hope he appears at some point. I'm desperate to see his reaction when he sees the way I'm dressed, especially since it was his words that pushed me to make the change
"No dad again?" Renee asks, looking up from her piano
"He's in meetings all day but he will be back tomorrow" I can't help but smile as I enjoy the feeling of freedom even if it is just for one day
"You look great by the way"
"I had to sneak out of the house so he didn't see me. Pathetic for a 19 year old right?"
"You do what you have to do, no one is judging you"
"Are you kidding? The whole world is judging me" Renee smiles kindly as she returns back to piano and I pick up my phone and go to my notes before absentmindedly clicking on Instagram and watching as a photo of a blond climbing into a car with Travis fills my screen and something like acid fills my gut
This is Travis, this is what he does, so why do I feel sick at the sight?
Then I look down at the way I'm dressed and suddenly I feel like a stupid school girl with a crush, dressing a certain way just to get their attention.
I put my phone down and look at my exposed midriff and feel like crying at how ridiculous I must look
"Are you okay?" Asks Renee obviously noticing the change in my demeanour
"I need to go, I need to change" I take off the headphones and push my way out of the booth and grab the door to leave the studio but just as I do it turns from the other side and I'm stood face to face with my father.
"What's this?" He asks, pulling at the red fabric of my top.
We are standing in the hallway of the studio and I know other people are around so I drop my head and say nothing
"I'm asking you a question" he reaches and grabs my chin lifting my head so I'm looking into his eyes
"I just wanted a change. Something more relaxed for in the studio"
"People have seen you like this?!"
"Just Tiago And Renee and the girls on reception"
"FOR FUCK SAKE TAYLOR!!!" He slams his hand onto the wall behind my head "we have spoken about this!"
"I'm sorry" I barely whisper
"Always sorry but that doesn't stop you going against me does it?!"
I drop my head again and clutch my hands together praying this is over quick
"Do you know what you look like? Like a whore with your stomach on show and your jeans, you look like you can't afford clothes without holes in them"
I want to tell him the jeans cost nearly 300 dollars but there's no point
"What must people think of you Taylor, what must they think of US!!! I work day and night to help you and you treat me like this, with complete and utter contempt"
He's pulling at the fabric again, shouting with such anger his spit is landing on my flesh and then his hand goes into my hair and begins pulling at the scrunchy and I can't help but cry out at how much it hurts and how embarrassed and ashamed and lost I feel
************************
My head pounds as I walk down the corridor in search of coffee. I don't know what the hell I got up to last night but the gossip pages are filled with pictures of me wasted and a blond haired girl I can barely remember fucking
'Maybe we need to tone it down' I had suggested to the guys in the car this morning but they just laughed knowing all we are ever going to do was 'tone it up'
A short but loud squeal snaps me from my thoughts as I pause and listen, I can hear someone yelling but it's none of my business so I keep walking until I hear another half scream so I walk backwards until I get to the door that leads down the corridor to studio one, the studio...
"Taylor..." I say it out loud as I use one hand to push open the door and then move as quickly as I can down the corridor
"You're an embarrassment! I have never been more ashamed of you in my entire life!"
The insults and abuse is what I hear first and that has already got me ready to punch someone but as I turn the corridor I'm met with a sight I struggle to comprehend at first.
A girl... a tiny thing, her hair half in a ponytail half out, like she had been attacked by a wild animal crouched down on the ground whilst her father attempts to wrestle her out of her red T-shirt
I run as fast as I can and grab the man by his hair and drag him backwards off of her. He shouts abuse at me in what I assume is English but it's meaning is lost to his temper and then I catch sight of Taylors pale, tear stained face as she manages to pull her top on properly and I can't control myself as I slam him into the wall
"COME ON TOUGH GUY" I yell "DO THAT TO ME!! I dare you to do that to me" the last part of my sentence is as cold and detached as the press claim I am
"Travis don't!" Taylor pushes herself to her feet and reaches for my arm but I move out of her grasp and grab her father by his collar
"Come on, show me how tough you really are, hit me instead of some tiny little girl. Do it..." the mans face turns grey with fear but I'm beyond the point of controlling my temper "I said FUCKIN DO IT!" I scream into his face and he splutters something as Taylor's hand grips my wrist and tries to pull me off and I turn and look down and realise she needs my attention not the asshole in front of me
"Are you okay?" I ask taking her face in my hands and looking her over for injuries
"I'm okay" she sniffs "please don't hurt him, please don't hurt my dad"
"But he hurt you"
"I'm fine"
"Taylor! Car! Now!"
Her dad is righting his shirt and tie as he stalks away down the corridor, away from the confrontation I know he's terrified to have
"Come on" I say taking her hand and pulling her towards the studio the guys and I are working in but she pulls against me
"I have to go" she says wiping her eyes with her hand
"No..."
"He's my dad Travis I have to go" this time she pulls harder and I lose my grip on her and before I can say or do another thing she turns and runs down the corridor towards her father and I'm left standing there wondering what the fuck Taylor Swift goes through that the world knows nothing about, determined that I'm about to find out
