Travis and I have been sitting in silence for the past 45 minutes I haven't had the guts to ask him what happened with his dad and he hasn't felt inclined to tell me.
All I know is his dad isn't here and Travis is pissed.
I don't want to upset him anymore so I stand up and explain I'm going to bed.
I go to the bathroom and clean up before brushing my teeth and dressing in a pair of pink and white plaid pyjamas knowing I don't need to worry about what Travis thinks, there's no way he's in the mood to come anywhere near me tonight.
As I open the guest room door I'm surprised to find Shawn sitting on the bed, his fingers threaded through his hair and his elbows on his knees "What are we doing here Tay?" He asks without ever raising his head
"You want me to go?"
"No!" His head snaps up to meet my gaze "Fuck no, that's the last thing I want but what does that mean?"
"I don't know... you're confusing me" he reaches out an arm and I go to him, he wraps it around my waist and pulls me to his lap
"I argued with my dad today"
"About me?"
"Yeah. First sober argument I can remember since I was a kid"
"I'm sorry" I drop my head to his shoulder, embarrassed by the trouble I'm causing
"I'm not. I could have stepped back and let him have his say and agreed like I usually do but I just... I couldn't do that to you"
"Thank you" I nibble nervously at the edge of my nail and then give him my truth " I'm not worth falling out with your family over, I'm not actually worth very much to anyone unless it's for a financial reward"
"Apparently you're worth it to me"
He lets his grip of me loosen and I know this is a hard moment for him and I immediately feel guilty that I am causing him this torment
"Trav..."
His hand comes down gently over my mouth and my heart begins to thump
"I like you" he admits as though the weight of the confession was too much for him to bare
"I like you too" I meet him confession for confession
"Your dad hates me"
He pauses and then nods
"He doesn't know you"
"He doesn't want to know me"
"But I do" he rests his forehead against mine "I really do but I don't know how to do this. The press is going to go crazy, they're gonna treat us like we're animals at the zoo, read in to every little thing, try to cause trouble. Are you going to be able to deal with that?"
I watch as a million different thoughts seem to flash over his face, a million different situations and scenarios and wonder what exactly it is that he's thinking
"If it isn't clear, I want to make this... us, official"
My heart seems to stutter to a halt in my chest and I just begin to panic that I can't breathe when it suddenly kicks back into life.
Official... as in he wants to be my boyfriend and he wants me to be his girlfriend.
The words go around and around in my head until they no longer make sense.
Official...
I want to scream the word to the world, for the first time in my life I'm taken. I have a boyfriend...
"Come on Taylor don't leave me hanging, I haven't done this shit since I was in high school"
I suddenly remember Travis, he's gazing at me with a look of concern so grave on his face you would think he was waiting to hear how long he has left to live, not just waiting for an answer to a question he has to already know
"Yes" I whisper and then louder "yes"
"We're going to do this?"
"We are" I confirm
"We're going to be so bad at this" he laughs like a weight has been taken off his shoulders as he pulls me into a hug
"The worst"
I lift my head just as he lowers his and I receive my first ever kiss from my 'boyfriend' and for some reason it tastes so much sweeter, feels so much softer.
Pulling away I rest my hands against his chest
"What?"
"Travis, I want to be a proper girlfriend to you" he smiles at the word 'girlfriend' and then furrows his brow "I'm talking about in the bedroom by the way"
"Oh!"
"I know I don't have much experience but I want to learn, I want you to teach me, how to please you, all of it"
He smiles and nods "How about we learn together?"
"That would be nice" I smile and then lean in for another kiss from my boyfriend
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