"I'm sorry"
He looks down at me as I take a bite of my toast but I can't bring myself to look up at him because i'm scared of what I might see on his face and in his eyes, scared of what he's really apologising for
"Taylor... baby..."
For some reason that word stings instead of soothes. Yesterday had been so perfect and we had been so happy and then everything spiralled and this morning I feel as though I'm just lying wounded at his feet, waiting to find out if the wound is terminal
His arms reach for my hands, pulling me to my feet as he wraps his arms tightly around me as though he is desperately searching for some kind of comfort from me but I feel unable to give it straight away, scared of where he was and what he did
"Where were you?" My voice is like ice, nothing like the way it had been so soft for him before and I know he senses it because he tightens his grip, his lips dropping to my neck
"I needed space that's all"
"Yeah? Well it seemed to me like it was alcohol that you needed"
"I thought i did, when I left here i was determined to go to a bar and get wasted but I couldn't do that to you so instead I curled up in my car and just thought about things"
I feel my body relax as I realise there will be no media expose, no Travis falling out of a club with another girl in his arms, no... 'let's see how ridiculous we can make Taylor seem for thinking she can have a relationship with a guy like that' campaign in the press
"Why couldn't you just talk to me? Do you know how scared I've been? I didn't know what was wrong, why you were so upset and then I didn't know where you'd gone or what I would wake up to"
He pulls away and gazes down at me, his beautiful, sparkly, green eyes a mix of concern and hurt
"You thought I would cheat on you?"
"I thought you would get drunk and not know what the hell you were doing"
"I would never..."
"Drunk Travis isn't my Travis, he's a law unto himself"
"Every Travis is your Travis. I thought you knew that by now, there isn't any part of me that doesn't belong to you"
He puts a finger under my chin and tilts my head towards him
"I won't hurt you Tay"
"You hurt me last night by pushing me away"
"I'm sorry. Last night... it's hard. I... when I'm ready we'll talk"
"Do you promise?"
"Of course. I want you to know every part of me Taylor but this..."
"I get it, I do, just whenever you're ready" I tell him smiling for the first time today "And the tantrum? During dinner?"
"Well that was meathead Travis, you've met him a few times by now I'm sure" he smiles playfully and then drops a gentle kiss to my lips "I'll tell him he's not welcome around here anymore"
This time the kiss he gives me is deeper, speaking words he doesn't seem to be able to say and I know In that moment that I can trust him, it may take some time for him to be able to trust me with whatever truth haunts him in the night but we'll get there, I smile against his lips as I become sure of it
"I have something for you to hear if you want to"
"Of course I want to, what is it?" He looks intrigued as I giggle with excitement
"The first song on my sophomore album" his eyes shine with what I take to be excitement and pride at my words, his arms gripping me tighter
"It's about me right? Tell me it's about me"
"Shouldn't you hear it first before you say that? What if it's a hate anthem or something?" I take out my phone and pass him one of my AirPods
"You're too sweet for a hate anthem"
"Hey I could be a screamy rocker if I wanted to"
"Yeah, no you couldn't" he pulls me to his lap as we settle on the sofa and I nervously find the song I'm looking for in amongst a bunch of other junk and non starters but this song is special, this song I love nearly as much as I love the man I wrote it for
'Something must have gone wrong in my brain...'
As my voice cuts in I watch Travis' face intently, trying to gage his reaction.
Does he love it as much as I do?
Does he think it's pop and it's lame and hates that it will be forever associated with him?
The verse passes and as the chorus kicks in I see him fighting a smile and my nerves begin to settle
"It's you babe, and I'm a sucker for the way that you move babe, I could try to leave but it would be useless, you're to blame, just one bit of you I knew I'd never be the same"
He glances down at me and shakes his head, his smile wide now and I rest my head in the crook of his neck, enjoying the warmth and the feel of his heart beating strong against my back.
We sit there until the song ends and before I can ask what he thinks he flips me onto my back and I giggle as I gaze up at him
"You're so fuckin talented, do you know that?"
I don't get to reply because his mouth covers mine as he begins to kiss me. His fingers moving to the button of my white denim cut offs and I know exactly what effect the song has had on him.
"Trav!" I gasp as I mange to pull my face from his but he growls at the loss of contact and nips at my bottom lip with his teeth "Tell me what you think first"
"I'm about to show you what I think if you would stop talking and let me make love to you"
His choice of worlds stun me for a second because it's not a term I've ever heard him use before
"That's right" he assures me as he runs his thumb over my bottom lip and moans softly "I love you Taylor, I wasn't sure if I was there before but now I know, I guess I've always known but maybe I was afraid to admit it. I'm so in love with you I can't think of anything else"
"I love you too" I admit as he drops his forehead to mine "So, so much"
"I love the song, I remember when we were doing that, sneaking around..."
"And now we don't have to, now everyone knows, the way I feel about you isn't a secret anymore"
I lift my hips and wriggle out of my cut offs "You know, they say sex is so much better when it's with someone you love"
"Well let's find out shall we?" He asks before covering my lips with his and proving every part of the saying to be true
*Not much of this one left but first... some drama
