Dangerous Husbands, Broken Wives [18+]

FORTY EIGHT: PERSONAL SPACE

[ANASTASIA]

Uh... I haven't been awkward in a long while, probably because I haven't been close to any other man in a long time, Ivan especially. Not that the thought of any other man had ever even crossed my mind. For as long as I was away, my kids were my world; they still are. I wish I could say my awkwardness was the result of my uncertainty regarding a situation, but it was not.

I knew exactly what was going on here, and I couldn't help but be ashamed of myself.

What the hell was I thinking?

Oh, wait. I wasn't thinking. Because I was asleep. Only to wake up wrapped up around him.

Why? Ugh. Why would I put myself through this? Why can't my body just stay put when I sleep? Why do I have to roll around and find my way around him? I'm so done with myself, so freaking done.

The problem is, I can't even blame him this time. It's all my doing. Somehow, throughout the night, I managed to have one arm and leg over him. But that wasn't all. No, of course, it wasn't. That couldn't have been enough to embarrass myself. I even tucked my head under his chin and had my chest pressed against his. I'm practically clinging to him as if my life depended on it. And it's even more annoying that his arms around me, strong and hard as I remember them to be, scoop me perfectly into his embrace.

This was so not the plan. Not mine, at least.

I don't even know how much time has passed since I woke up and realized my stupid predicament. It's been terrible; I can't think straight with him being so close. It's all foggy up there. The more I try to think about removing myself away from him, the more I end up losing myself in the faint scent of his cologne and something that's completely his own.

There was a time when I craved him more than anything in the world, when his scent, his touch, and his voice would be enough to set my whole existence ablaze. I was addicted to him, unreasonably so. Stupidly and madly in love with him, I even tried to look past who he really was to the world.

It was times like these that I thought I could turn a blind eye to the truth. The times when I would have my ear pressed to his chest, lost in the sound of the way his heart beat. Everything felt right when I was close to him—felt safe. I thought I needed nothing more if I had him, if he loved me just as much as I loved him; that nothing else mattered.

Even now, I can feel my racing heart calm down as I press my ear to his chest, scrambling to match the steady beats of his heart. I let out a sigh and inhale a heavy dose of his scent. He still smells the same, just the way I remember, just the way I loved.

But then I shake my head and try to rid such terrible thoughts from my mind. What the hell am I doing? It's one thing to end up clinging to him while asleep, and it's another to continue to cling to him even when I'm not asleep at all. Something has to be freaking wrong with me.

"You're growling, malysh," I feel his chest rumble, his throat shift, and his chin move. He sounds so sly, as if he can't enjoy himself enough.

My cheeks flush with embarrassment as I realize he caught me in this absurd act. I pull away, creating some distance between us, trying to mask my discomfort with a feeble argument. "That's because you were practically choking me. I told you to stay away from me."

He chuckles, another reminder of how charming and handsome this man could be. Even though he just woke up, he looks like he couldn't be sexier. What's with God being obsessed with creating bad men with good looks? It doesn't make much sense.

"Don't kid yourself, Ana, you never were one for personal space." He says with conviction, before adding, "Besides..." He moves his arm up, tucking some loose hair out of my face. "... you didn't seem to mind it so much when you were snuggled up to me."