Unexpected Encounters

Chapter 38

I went out to my car, and I had to force myself to start it and drive over to Whitney's house. I had no idea if she'd even be home, but I had to do this while I had the courage.

I wasn't even sure if I really even had it right now, but it had at least gotten me this far.

My heart started to feel like it was going to pound out of my chest as I pulled up out front and slowly got out.

"Come on," I said to myself, "just fucking get this over with, you have to try."

Hopefully no one was close enough to hear me, because I'm sure I sounded like a maniac right about now.

I walked up to the front door, and I realized that I'd been clenching my fists. I wiped my sweaty palms on the legs of my pants before I reached up and quietly knocked.

It looked like there were lights on inside, but when I waited there for a minute without an answer, I almost turned right back around and left.

Before I could make that decision, I heard footsteps on the other side of the door. I felt like I was going to vomit.

Whitney opened it, and I couldn't read her expression as she looked me up and down.

I was very suddenly aware of how much of a mess I probably looked like. I hadn't been expecting to go anywhere else tonight.

"Bailey," Whitney said in an unenthusiastic tone, "what are you doing here?"

"I um - can I talk to you?" I asked.

"I'm not really sure that's a good idea," she sighed.

"Please Whitney," I pleaded, "you have no idea how much it took for me to even get this far, just give me a few minutes."

She hesitated as she met my gaze, and for a minute I thought she was going to tell me to leave.

"Alright," she finally said as she stepped aside and let me in.

I followed her in to her living room and we both sat down on the couch. I nervously fidgeted with my hands in my lap as she looked at me expectantly.

"Well?" Whitney said.

"Okay," I said as I took a deep breath, "first of all, I'm sorry, I've been a fucking idiot, and I know that."

"I'm um, I'm sorry too," Whitney said, "I know I said a lot to you that I shouldn't have."

"Well you weren't wrong about most of it," I mumbled.

"That's why I don't think I can do this Bailey," she said.

"Hold on," I said as I put my hand up, "I'm - I'm trying to explain that part."

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I mean the reason why I kept on insisting that this was nothing more than sex to me," I said as I looked up at her slowly.

"Okay..." she said as she watched me, "you know I tried to get that out of you a while ago."

"I know," I sighed, "but it's um - Gabbie and Kaia are the only ones who know about any of this, so it's not exactly easy for me."

"Alright," Whitney said, "I'm listening."

"Okay well, I've been cheated on a few times which obviously doesn't help," I said, "but the last serious relationship I had..."

I trailed off as I felt my palms sweating again, this was harder than I thought it was going to be.

"So it was a couple of years ago," I said as I took a deep breath, "and we were pretty damn serious, the longest relationship I've had, all of that stuff."

Whitney continued to watch me as she nodded at what I was saying.

"She was a pretty big partier," I continued, "and she eventually got into drugs and shit."

I sighed as I rubbed my hand over my face. I was wishing that I could just stop here and go home, but I knew that I couldn't.

"I um - she kind of dragged me into all of that too," I finally said, "and I got pretty bad."

"Pretty bad as in I'm not sure how the hell I made it home alive most nights with all of the shit that we were on," I continued.

I cautiously looked up at Whitney, and I couldn't tell if she was concerned or horrified. Maybe it was both.

"Jesus Bailey," she mumbled.

"I know," I nodded, "it's fucked up."

"Anyway, when I got really bad," I sighed, "she basically just disappeared on me, left me in an absolute fucking mess."

"Didn't ever come back, check on me, none of that," I said as I felt my breath catch in my throat, "and I was obviously pretty fucking heartbroken, so that only made me get worse."

I heard Whitney quietly sigh, and it looked like she was finally starting to understand why I'd acted the way that I did.

"I'm not exaggerating when I say that Gabbie and Kaia basically saved my life," I continued on, "because I don't know what I would've done or continued to do if they hadn't helped me get my shit together."

"Which is why they looked so horrified when I told them I saw you outside smoking with someone last weekend," Whitney said.

"Yup," I nodded, "I hadn't done any of that since - well, yeah, since everything happened with my ex."

"Damn it Bailey," she said as she rested her hand on my leg, "why didn't you just tell me all of this a long time ago?"

"It's not exactly something that I enjoy talking about," I said, "I wanted to, I really did, I just couldn't make myself do it."

"It's fucking embarrassing," I continued, "and it brings back a lot of things that I don't want to remember."

"Well everything would've made a lot more sense to me if you had," she said with a sigh.

"I know," I nodded, "I just - I panic any time that something like this gets brought up. The thought of going through any of that again, I can't do it."

"So every time the relationship topic is mentioned..." I said, "I kind of shut down, or - or basically run."

"And your method of choice with me was to tell me to fuck off when I tried to talk and insist that you didn't care about me?" Whitney asked.

"Hold on," I said defensively, "I'm not going to deny part of that, but you know that I never said that I didn't care about you."

Whitney rubbed her hand over her eyes and sighed, I couldn't figure out what she was thinking about all of this.

"You have to know that I cared - that I do care about you," I said, "that's why I got the way that I did, it scared me. I haven't felt that in a really long time. After everything with my ex, I mean I - I can't explain how much that fucked me up."

"Wait," Whitney said as she looked up at me, "this ex isn't McKenzie...is it?"

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