ALONE (Nymfia's dairy)

30

I want to speak freely.

People make it difficult.

Things that aren't hard become a chore.

Things that are simple become obstacles.

Things that are easy become tests.

Tests I didn't study for because there wasn't anything to study for to begin with.

People are like jobs.

Exhausting.

Controlling.

Difficult.

Uninteresting.

Depressing.

People aren't people.

Everyone acts as if they are one step away from a knife.

No one wants to start the conversation because it's being desperate.

No one wants to continue speaking because they end up talking to themselves in a group full of people.

No one wants to ask questions because all they get is replies.

You stop asking they stop talking.

No one wants to approach because they always go first.

No one wants to reply to a message too quick because they always had to wait for hours, days or weeks to get a reply.

No one wants to just be themselves.

Everyone is shielding themselves from something.

Aren't we done for?

I'd rather be psychotic and continue talking to myself.

Make stories.

Live a fantasy because at least in my world people are actually people.

Not fucking inhumane.

They call it Maladaptive daydreaming.

It went away naturally.

And now that I miss being normal it came back.

I don't just imagine for hours.

I walk around speaking my stories out loud again.

It's surprising how walls listen better than people.

Sometimes I feel like they reply as well.

In seconds by the way.

Unlike some of you assholes.