EPIPHANY ✁ newt

17 , the calm before

That night went by in a trance. Vince left us to gather whatever we could salvage from the rubble while he tended to Mary, who was doing pretty good for having been shot just a few hours. After we had collected as much as we could without passing out due to exhaustion, Fry and Jorge started a fire that we all huddled around. The first rays of morning light had already broken through the inky darkness of the night, but spirits stayed low.

The others were talking softly among themselves, voices barely audible over the crackling flames - but I didn't mind. I wasn't really in the mood to talk to people anyway, blankly staring at the bright orange sparks in front of me instead, replaying the events of the previous night one too many times.

"Hey," I jumped slightly, only relaxing once I'd turned to my side, seeing Newt sitting down beside me - a small smile on his face. "You doin' alright?"

I nodded slightly, unable to stop myself from wondering why I always felt so calm around the blonde. It was strange, this almost familiarity I had with him - especially since Mary had confirmed we hadn't known each other before the maze. He was just someone I didn't feel the need to act around. Newt and his soothing accent, Newt and his warm, welcoming dark eyes. I didn't know what I was feeling, but I didn't like it.

"I'm fine." I replied slowly. "I'm not really sure where to go from here, though. It just-" I cut myself off, sighing. "It just feels like we can't ever catch a break, you know? I really thought this was it. That we were done..."

Newt didn't say anything else, simply reaching into his pocket and pulling out what looked like two snack bars - offering one to me. I shook my head, looking away. "Thanks, but I'm alright. We barely have any resources - and... I'm really not hungry anyway." It was mostly the truth. Even though my energy had seemed to return with the injection Mary had given me, my appetite hadn't.

"Seph, please," the boy started softly, and I looked at him, confused as to what he was talking about. "don't do this to yourself. You know you don't have to feel guilty about anything right? E-even stuff that happened back in your maze. None of whats happening is any of our fault - really. Just take the bar. You need food to keep going, Sephora."

I would have found the way Newt sounded like a parent funny if it weren't for the fact that the thing he was asking of me felt so impossible. So stupidly impossible. Back in the Clearing, no one had really bothered about my eating habits - not to any fault of theirs. Obviously they had better things to do than deal with each Clearing members meals. But I didn't have to deal with people actually watching me - and it terrified me.

I appreciated Newt's concern more than he could ever imagine - but it was hard for people to understand the way I felt. It seemed dumb to struggle with something so simple most of the time, and I didn't like talking about it. But... somewhere in the back of my mind, I think when I had opened up to the blonde, it had been because I was scared. Scared I would lead myself down paths I didn't want to go.

I knew everyone was scared of the dark times in front of us, of the unknown. But no one else harmed themselves because of it. I knew I was only making myself even more of a hindrance to the team by acting like this, but I couldn't help it no matter how hard I tried.

"Hey - look, I got one for myself as well." Newt said quickly, realising I was zoned out. He ripped into the packing of one bar - taking a small bite out of it. "See? It's not that bad. Seph - I know its different for you. But come on, try it? We can eat ours together." The blonde let a small hopeful smile slip onto his lips, and I couldn't help calm down in his presence.