EPIPHANY ✁ newt

36 , epiphany

"Newt?" My voice cracked - as any nervousness I had been feeling to talk to the boy vanished, only being thankful he was still around in that moment, as I stood up, running over to the blonde in three quick steps and throwing my arms around him. "H-how are you feeling? Is it any better? When did you wake up? Is it still bad? Or-"

"I'm fine, Seph. I promise. I'm okay, I'm fine." Newt assured me quickly, wrapping his arms around me slowly, as if not really sure what to do with me acting like the sappy mess that I was. "I feel perfectly normal now. A bit washed out, but I'm fine. And I only woke up a few minutes ago - I would have come found you immediately, but Mary wanted to give me a quick check up before I did. Seriously, you got to stop stressing so much, everything is fine."

Such simple words should have had no power feeling so reassuring, but hearing Newt, who a few hours ago I wasn't even sure would be alive right now, was probably the most comforting thing I could ask for in that moment. "Okay... okay, good." I said softly, pulling away from the boy to take a look at his face. Any trace of the black veins that had snaked over his face before were gone, leaving only the blonde I knew so well standing before me. Alright. Alive. "Look - I'm sorry. I-I wasn't thinking about what I was doing, really. I just needed a way to get you to stop-"

Newt held up his hand before I could go on, cutting off my ramble I couldn't help start. "Seph, I know. Thank you. You don't have to explain yourself, just... thank you. And..." I wanted to go on, but at the same time I'd give anything to just move on and forget what had happened had happened.

I could see the blonde moving closer to me, his eyes flickering down to my lips slowly, as my breath caught at the sudden closeness of us two. He was right there, his intentions clearer than ever, but I couldn't. I couldn't do this to him. Even though it ripped my heart in two, I lifted one hand, gently placing it on Newt's chest to stop the boy from moving any further. "Newt... you don't have to do this. It's not - I'm not right... in the head. Please, I can't - it's not worth it, trust me."

I couldn't really believe it. I was standing before one of the most perfect people I knew in this world, begging him to not raise my hopes the way he was. As much as I wished I could just fall into his arms and never leave them, I knew it wouldn't work like that. Newt would just try and spend some time with me, realise how broken I really was, and give up on me like everyone else seemed to do. After all, from what Mary told me, my mother hadn't wanted me to go into the maze at first - she had thought I was special. Then I'd probably grown up.

My heart physically hurt seeing the pain and confusion in the blondes eyes as I took a step away from him - the breeze around us not feeling welcoming anymore, but chilling. But Newt didn't look convinced as he sighed, taking a seat on the rock I'd just gotten up from, gesturing for me to join him, noticing the conflict and pain in my eyes that perfectly mirrored his. "Seph... I was going to ask for it back, but... do you still have that necklace I gave you?"

I nodded, a bit confused, sitting down next to the blonde as I pulled the string out of my pocket, taking hold of the pendant to examine it for the first time. It was some sort of tiny, tiny box, I realised. "Newt..." I started, looking over to the boy, silently asked what I was meant to do.

"Just open it. Read it."

With shaking hands, scared of whatever lay inside, I pulled open the container, watching as a small sheet of tightly rolled up paper slipped out of it, landing on my lap. Unfolding it, my breath caught seeing my name written in Newt's small, perfect cursive writing. Only then did it hit me what this was. "Newt, I can't. This... I can't read it." I pleaded, not knowing if I had it in me to read through the letter without breaking down.

But Newt shook his head. "Sephora, I'm right here. I'm alright, but I need you to read that. Please? I just... I don't think I can say everything I wrote out loud right now, so please. I need you to understand, okay?" How could I ever say no to those warm brown eyes that were looking at me with such hope? I nodded slightly, looking back down at the letter and bracing myself as I started reading it.

Dear Sephora, if you're reading this, I'm probably gone.

But it's alright, I'm not scared of dying. I'm scared of becoming one of those things - of losing myself to the virus. But if I'm gone, I'm at peace knowing I can't hurt anyone else now. Anyway, I'm getting carried away, I don't have much time to write this and I have a lot to say.

I can't keep denying this, and it kills me knowing it's too late to tell this to you in person, but you have to know. Sephora, I don't know what it is about you, but I knew you were special since the first time I saw you in the WICKED facility. You were sitting on the other side of the room, and I couldn't take my eyes off you for some reason.

I tried to tell myself I was just curious, but thats a bloody lie. Look, I don't know what caring for a person... intimately really is, but I think this is what it feels like. And I may be jumping straight into the deep end by saying all of this, but if this is the only chance I'll ever get to say it, who cares? You need to know.

I never... believed in the concept of soulmates. Of twin flames. Someone having their other half out there, the universe just waiting till they found each other. But ever since I spoke to you... I'm not really sure about anything anymore. You understand me in a way no one else seems able to, even though we've known each other merely months.

I knew the second we spoke that I would follow you anywhere you wanted - blindly. And I did, gladly. But I don't want you to feel sad about it coming to an end, alright? As I'm writing this, sure, I'm upset we didn't get to know each other as well as I would have hoped. But my gratefulness that we even got to speak once is tenfold of that.

I hope that you're safe as you read this, Seph. I need you to take care of yourself for me, alright? Don't beat yourself up over whatever happened, I implore you. I see who you are brighter than the stars, you deserve all the happiness in the world, and I need you to take it, even if you don't feel like its fair. I hope that once the mist clears, you can see it the way I do.

I'll leave it at this, albeit not getting to really explore even the thought of having... feelings, for anyone - I do wish I had had the opportunity to, and just know, if there is such a thing as an afterlife, I hope we get too see each other again sometime. I wish I had had the courage to confess all of this before, but sadly it was something I only realised I had to say right now. Unfortunately, a last minute epiphany.

Love, Newt

I couldn't help the sob that escaped my lips as I quickly folded the letter back up with trembling hands, putting in back into its container to make sure my tears didn't stain his perfect writing, lifting one hand to cover my mouth once it was secure. I couldn't meet Newt's eyes I tried to wipe away the tears that flowed down my cheeks, but there was really no point to try and hide them from Newt when I could feel his gaze on me.

"Hey, Seph, I wasn't trying to upset you even more, hey, it's alright, I'm here, aren't I?" he consoled, grabbing hold of my arm and gently turning my body to face him. "Look at me, Sephora. I'm here. I'm alright. I just needed you to read that because I knew that now what we're both safe, I wouldn't have the courage to ever say it myself. I-I left one letter to Tommy as well, but it was nothing like this. Don't you see? I'm not trying to do you a bloody favour or something! I want this."

There was something about the look in his eyes as Newt forced me to meet his gaze. Something that, for the first time, really made me believe every word he was saying. And so I didn't fight it this time. I let Newt slip one of his hands around my waist lightly as he pulled me closer, pressing his lips to mine.