EPIPHANY ✁ newt

27 , panic attack

"No. No, no, no, no. FUCK NO." I dropped my coat back down on the chair it had been draped over, feeling the room spinning as I tried to control my shallow breathing. That was all I had. The only string left. My only way to help Newt. And I'd somehow misplaced it, god knows where. Had I dropped it at some point? When I was running? Maybe if I fell at some point? When I passed out? Could someone have found it and taken it already? Could it by lying somewhere in this building?

"Seph? Hey - what happened!? Seph, hey, look at me." I felt my body being spun around to face the blonde boy, concern seeping into his eyes as he spoke, shaking my shoulders slightly. "Whats wrong? Talk to me, please."

I swallowed, trying to remember how to breathe as I calmed myself down from the panic attack. "Newt," I gasped out, my voice breaking on the single word, "I'm so sorry. I- I don't know what happened - I could have stopped all of this. I should have said something. And now I- I don't know where it is and..." my voice choked on a sob. I had no idea why I was acting like this - it wasn't like me to start randomly crying every five minutes, but it just felt like every single thing inside me had been battered around so much in the past few weeks that I couldn't be bothered trying to hold back my tears.

"Seph, you gotta talk to me, come on, I don't know what you mean. You're scaring me," the boy said softly, pulling me closer into a hug as I buried my face in his jacket, taking in a few shaky breaths when I noticed Thomas and Brenda watching us from the doorway. I pulled away from Newt, wiping my eyes as quickly as I could, closing my eyes to situate myself for a few seconds before replying.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry," reluctantly meeting Newt's eyes, I forced myself to go on, "back in the Right Arm's camp... when Mary took Thomas and Brenda into that tent. She, uhm, she left a bit of the enzyme or whatever she called it in the vial after taking however much she needed for Brenda. I... I took it - I was keeping it in an injection in my coat. You know, in case we needed it at some point. But its gone. I don't know what I did with it."

It was Newt's turn to look away as a pained expression crossed his face. "Seph, don't blame yourself. Hey, seriously, its okay. Don't you dare think this is your fault. I went and got scratched like a fool - if this is on anyone, its me. So just relax, okay? I'll be fine, alright? I promise you... we'll figure this out."

A bitter laugh left my lips before I could stop myself, realising how stupid this whole situation was. "Newt, you're the one whos hurt. Please don't try and comfort me. I already feel pathetic enough, don't make it even worse," I said, smiling to let him know I was joking. Once they were sure no killing or anything was going on, Thomas and Brenda retreated back to the room everyone seemed to be in - planning the mission into WICKED's headquarters.

Sighing, Newt tilted his head in the direction they two had just walked off in. "Come on, Seph, we should go see what the others are saying. This is it. We have to go get Minho back home to us. Then maybe we can actually see what this Safe Heaven all about. And then maybe you can finally get that cat you wanted." he added with a small smile, guiding me out of the room without another word.

We arrived to the others in some sort of argument, and Newt and I shared an exasperated look as we tried to figure out what the issue seemed to be. Of course, Thomas and Jorge were at odds over the makeshift half-baked plan they had come up with. Fry was siding with Thomas, saying it sounded a bit too dangerous. Brenda and Gally stood beside Jorge, both being all for as much chaos and carnage as possible.

Finally, Thomas sighed, and I raised an eyebrow in surprise as he raised his hands up as if in defeat. "Fine. Fine! You win. We can go ahead with your plan, then. Whatever, I'll do it. But I hope you guys all understand just how risky it is. Sure, it could work, but have you thought out all the things that could go wrong?"

Jorge gave the boy a small grim smile as he leaned forward slightly, "Hermano, this is WICKED. However well thought out our plan may be, it still consists of trying to break in to one of the best kept and most secure buildings in an already fortified city. Not to mention the bounty probably out on all you children's heads. Any way we put this, its a suicide mission. So, my friend, we can't start thinking out all the possibilities. It'll do nothing other than bring more fear to our minds and we don't need that."

I sighed, looking at Thomas who still didn't seem convinced. "Look, I hate to say it but I do think Jorge is right in this situation. We can't start planning out every little detail like we had the pleasure of doing with the train rescue. And... think about it - we put so much effort into planning that whole thing out, and look how it ended. I'm not saying we shouldn't be prepared, Thomas, because that would be plain outright stupidity. But..."

My eyes shifted to Newt for some sort of support, who nodded when he saw my eyes on him. "If we do this... I think we've got to just go for it. No matter how insane the plan sounds. The one and only thing we can have over WICKED at this point is the element of surprise - and the longer we wait to strike the less the chances of that actually helping become."

Thomas looked to Brenda, the two having some sort of silent conversation before the boy stood up straighter, pushing off the wall he had been leaning against. "Alright, then. Let's do this. Let's go get Minho home." I smiled as the group quickly dispersed - a new sort of energy seeming to have fallen over all of us as we worked to get everything we were going to need together as fast as we could.

I had put my coat back on, not being able to stop myself from checking through the pockets one more time to no avail before sighing and moving to reload my gun. Within half an hour everyone was ready - and I had re-tied my hair up, the loose pony bothering me too much to leave like that.

"Hey, Newt, how you feeling?" I asked, walking up to the blonde boy who had one of his feet up against a wall, tying up his shoelace as he turned to look at me. I handed the boy a water bottle I had brought, giving him a few seconds to actually think about the question as he took a few sips, thanking me quietly.

"I'm doing alright. I don't feel... anything out of the ordinary - at least not yet." I know he only meant it as a joke, but I couldn't help my heart sinking at his words. "Seph, I'll be fine. Trust me. We're doing to go get Minho out of that bloody wretched place, and then I'm going to get that cure - whatever it is. We'll be fine, okay?" I nodded slightly, not meeting Newt's eyes as I took the bottle from him to pass on to Thomas, who was speaking to Jorge - the two going over the plan one last time.

I did know one thing for sure, though. Newt was coming out of this mission alive, whatever it took. It was like some sort of invisible silent vow I had sworn to myself, that I would make sure the boy lived. That I would make sure he got a peaceful life, no matter however long it took to get there. The world didn't deserve people like him, but that didn't mean he didn't deserve the world.