POTS ~ The struggle of standing

|| 32 ||

(Here's a pic of a butterfly, bc I thought it was pretty)

Juno's pov:

Eliot had been a little too distant lately. He needed to talk to him. Juno needed to be relied on as a person. He had always been expected to work for love. And if he didn't work for it, then he didn't deserve it. Love was not unconditional. Especially not when it came from others. He had been taught so all his life.

He walked around outside the school. Eliot would often frequent the these areas in his gap classes. He and Eliot had a gap class at the same time once a week. They used to spend it together. Then they got together, and things changed.

Juno's goal for today was to find Eliot. And hopefully sort out some unsaid words.

After looking around for a bit he found him. There: behind a couple of trees. Cross legged on a bench with a book in his lap. The dark green hoodie complimenting the trees behind where he sat, and his brown pants; his hair.

"Hi." Juno said as he approached Eliot. "There you are. What are you doing?"

Eliot looked up. A hair lock falling before his eye. He was beautiful. Eliot smiled. He was even more handsome when he smiled. "Just doing some homework. Biology - Ribosomes, to be precise. They're awesome."

"That's great... but I actually came to talk to you."

"Oh. Well, what do you want to talk about, Juno?"

"Um... you mostly. But also, us" Juno suddenly found the ground very interesting to look at. He was nervous. Juno took a deep breath and spoke. "I can't read minds. And until I get that super power, I need you to talk to me, Ellie. I can't find an answer, if I don't know the question."

Eliot also suddenly found the ground highly enchanting. "Yeah... maybe we do need to talk." Gesturing for Juno to sit, and he did so.

They sat there in silence for a minute, looking at anything but each other.

"Okay. I'm just gonna say it, before I decide otherwise... Juno-" Eliot looked Juno is the eyes. They were green, and full of uncertainty. It was now or never. "I think I need a break. From us."

Huh?

I'm sorry? Huh? Was it his fault? Of course it was. How could it not be? He had been selfish. Only thinking about himself. Never seeing what was right in front of him. Juno messed up. He was broken and lost. He didn't want to sound depressed and sappy. He just  wanted to make Eliot happy. And in doing so, making himself feel better. But when he looked back, they did spent less time together. And when they were together, it was him that had invited Eliot into do so. Had Eliot just tacked along? Did he even want to be with him? Or was that also just to make Juno happy?

Was Eliot ever happy?

"Oh."

The more Juno thought about it, the more he came to the conclusion, that he was right. But then again, he was spiralling. And when he did that, he often overthought to the extent that he ended up in the wrong, without him meaning to do so. If he lost himself, he was afraid he was going to lose Eliot too. But maybe that had already happened.

Grieving for something that hasn't happened yet, was unnecessary, he tired to convince himself. He needed to hear what Eliot said, and listen to that, and just that. Not what he didn't say.

Breath in.

Hold.

And out.

Juno opened his eyes. When he did so, he was met with the most beautiful, yet fragile person. Filled with a forest of emotions and intrigues. He took his emotions aside and decided that he would listen and be supportive of Eliot's wishes.

"If that's what you want, that's what we'll do."

Eliot looked like he was holding back tears. He really was strong. Juno had dived in head first, even though he knew the outcome. He knew what a 'break' meant. But for Eliot, he would risk almost anything.

"I want to get better. I need to. But it's hard work, and I don't think I can do that on top of everything else. School and my condition can't really be put on hold. So I thought maybe a break form us could. Just for a while. Nothing permanent. I do still like you Juno. But I need time." Juno could see he was holding back on over explaining.And so he did. Eliot really was incredible.

He smiled. He cared. "It's okay to let your feelings out, Juno. It's okay to cry. Come here" He fell into Eliot's warm embrace. They hugged one another and pretended everything was okay. What else were they to do? And maybe Eliot was different. With time, maybe things would turn out for the better.

After some time they let go. Juno looked and at Eliot and smiled. They were okay now. The important thing was to help Eliot. And that he would.

(Well that was longer than normal, but I couldn't just stop in the middle of it all. Happy summer break to all of you! Hope you're enjoying it. And take care:)
Sending love - the author.)