After keeping the box hidden for so long, I finally went through the pictures of us from when I was a kid. I used to store my toys in this box during my childhood. Now it only keeps all the memories I have of them. I'm still making up my mind about which photo to keep for the rest of my life after deciding to burn the rest. It wasn't anyone's suggestion, it was mine. Those are moments I know I can't experience again. Those laugher, the chatter on the dinner table, Mom staying with me in my room until I fall asleep, the books Dad would buy for bedtime stories made me dislike reading because they remind me of him. I think I've truly accepted that those experiences are behind me. One thing I know for certain is that it takes a huge amount of courage to reach this point. That's why picking a photo at this moment is one of the hardest decisions I've had to make.
I finally realize that I can't spend most of my time looking at every photo in detail. I chose the photo taken in the living room and I think it was taken by someone from Mom's side of family during a reunion. I was hugging them tightly, beaming with a big smile. I've never seen such genuine happiness on my face.
A week has passed since I realized that everything I said to myself and those close to me was a lie. It's been a week since I last entered our house. And it's also been a week that I decided not to leave Sam's house. He had to cancel the event, the one that he couldn't stop overthinking because he wanted it all to be perfect. I'm aware that he did it for me. But I couldn't argue with him considering that I'm too exhausted for that. I blame myself for it too, but Sam kept on reassuring me that I come first more than anything. Which is stupid to think about because it's his career.
“Hey, I've got your favorites here.” Sam finally went back after being gone for half an hour of getting some food outside. I put the remaining photos in the box and left the selected one on the table.
“Finally, I'm starving.” I got up from my seat and went straight to Sam to help prepare our dinner. The mixture of the food scents he brought makes my stomach rumble. “I've never been this hungry for food in my life.” I said while still taking the food out of the bag. I realized Sam was staring at me.
“You know that I like it when you smile, right?” He said, moving closer to me. “It makes me want to kiss you.”
He grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him as he puts his lips into mine without giving me a chance to speak. The way he starts moving inside caused me shivers and making me feel the familiar sensations everytime he kisses me. “Take it off.” He whispered to my ear. I can hear his breath craving for more as he kisses my neck. I'm not even sure what to take off or I just really want him to do it for me.
“You take it off.” I revealed to him as I feel a surge of desire just by looking at him. He wasted no time in taking off my shirt, unhooked my straps and completely exposed my chest to him. And then he began unbuttoning my pants as if in a hurry. He stared at my bare body for a few seconds, and once he saw that I'm on board with what we're about to do tonight, he removed his clothes too. I gasped as he pushed me back against the counter, his tongue moving inside me while he keeps pulling my waist towards him. “Let’s do it in your bedroom.” I murmured as he continued kissing me.
“Let’s just do it here in the living room. Promise you'll even like it more.” Then he lifted both of my legs and carried me to the couch while we continued kissing relentlessly. Heavy breathing filled the entire room, kissing and touching every part of each other's body. I needed this. A gentle moan escaped my lips as he placed me on the couch and began his kisses down there. I craved his touch and kisses all over me. He finally removed my bottoms that made me want it more. He slowly pressed his mouth inside me, making me moan louder. I couldn't help moving from this intense feeling he's giving me. “You’re good at this.” I whispered while leaning back on the couch letting this pleasure have me.
Though it's happening for real I still can't stop running it through my head as if I'm in a perfect dream. I held back my voice from getting louder because I didn't want anyone to complain about the noise of pleasure he's giving me. “Sam. . .”
A loud buzzing sound was coming from the kitchen. It's my phone. It couldn't be Sam's because his phone is blaring when it rings. “Someone’s calling me.” I quickly grabbed my clothes and put them on. I never get any calls from my phone, answering it without clothes on would be awkward. Imagine receiving a bad news while completely naked. I pressed the answer button, “Hello?”
“Hey, this is Tyrone.”
I sighed in relief, “Hi, how did you get my number?” I can see Sam asking in a whisper who I was speaking to, but I completely ignored him.
“I asked Laurel about your number. Are you busy?”
I suddenly remember what Sam and I were doing before picking up the phone. “Uh, not really. Why?”
“My Mom referred you to a psychiatrist, Cari. She's a friend of our family. You start tomorrow.” Confusion and shock flooded my thoughts. I needed a few seconds to gather my next words. “You there?”
“Yeah. Is that a good idea? I've never been to therapy a long time ago now. It'd be awkward to come bac—”
“You need this. Besides, who says no to a free treatment?” Tyrone never struck me as someone who could lighten a mood but I sighed with relief when he mentioned it was for free. I've discussed therapy with Sam and we both agree it's a good idea to start again. I think it just made me anxious hearing about it again.
“Yeah, okay. Text me the address.”
“I’ll be there tomorrow.”
“Thank you, Tyrone.”
“Anything for you.” I hung up the call and turned to Sam who's patiently waiting for me.
“I love it when you smile but what does that smile mean?” I stepped closer to him and raised my arms to put around his shoulders.
“Tyrone is nice. I think I'm talking to someone tomorrow.” I smiled once more and it was a real one. I never imagined I could reach this point. Seeing my own smile while sharing special moments with Sam. “Should we continue what we were doing?”
I didn't let him reply to me, instead I used my palm to cover his mouth to keep him silent. This time I'm leading him to the couch as we start kissing each other again. We savored the moment with our heavy breaths filling the entire space once again.
