“Do you really expect me to believe that nothing happened?”
“It was nothing, Laurel.”
“So you're saying that they're just messing around? That Sam just suddenly wanted to punch Tyrone because nothing happened?”
“I-I don't know, maybe. Sam has done shocking things tonight.”
“Are you being serious right now?” I told Tyrone's parents I wasn't feeling well and needed to go home right away. I didn't say goodbye to Tyrone either because Laurel said it’s best not to see the both of them. But I texted Tyrone to let him know I’d get home safely. As for Sam, after the scene he caused on the balcony, I didn't see him again. No messages or anything. “I’m gonna ask you again, what happened back there?”
Laurel had to call Austin to pick us up and go back at Sam's place. It's funny to think that dinner hasn't even started yet and a lot already happened. I wasn't wrong that something unpleasant could happen tonight. “Is there something going on with you and Tyrone?” I paused and looked over at Laurel.
“That’s a ridiculous question.”
“Well then if you're not going to tell me anything, that's all I can come up with, Cari.”
I'm not avoiding telling Laurel, it's just that sometimes it's better to keep it to yourself. “He kissed me, okay?”
“He what? Why?”
“I-I don't know. It happened so fast.” I want to believe that he just made a mistake, that he was somewhat drunk or not thinking clearly to do that. But then he didn't smell alcohol and I'm certain he knew exactly what he was doing. I just can't find a reason to be mad at him, not because I wanted what he did, but because he's my friend and I want to think it just was an accident.
“If that's what happened, Sam had a reason to do that.”
“No. Sam is still upset because of what I said, because I told him that he doesn't understand me.” Laurel moved towards me.
“Sam is your boyfriend, Cari. Maybe he's upset about what you said, you understand that. But another guy kissing you is a different matter. I'm just relieved it didn't happen in front of his parents.” She's making it seem like I'm clueless about a relationship and though I may not have all the answers yet, Sam also chose to ignore me instead of talking about it. It's not as if I'm entirely ignoring him like he does to me. “So call him and explain everything.”
“Fine.” I was just about to dial his number when I heard a car pull up outside. That couldn't be Austin since he's been outside the whole time, and Laurel refuses to let him in because he's out smoking. She walked to the window to check who it could be.
“Good, Sam's here. Do you promise you'll talk with him?” She grabbed her stuffs with her and I gave her a nod. I can hear voices outside and knowing I'll be facing Sam any moment now makes me anxious. Which is unusual for me because I've never felt any concern around him, not like the time he admitted he liked me, there was a lot of feelings involved. But seeing that side of him back there makes me feel I should be worried. I can hear their car driving away. I'm trying to relax on the couch while I wait for him to come in and once he entered, he locked the door and sat across from me. “Sam.” He’s now staring straight at me.
“What was that, Cari?” I can't seem to know what he's feeling right now because he makes it look like he's so calm on the outside. “Did you like him kissing you like that?”
I let out a soft gasp as I tried to process what he had just said. I can't believe him. “Why would you say something like that, Sam?” His words struck me like an arrow to the chest. I feel like everyone is blaming me for something I'm not responsible for and will never do. And hearing that from him is making me mad.
“You remember what you said? ‘it was nothing?’”
“I only said that to stop anything bad from happening.”
“Really? I followed you both upstairs and he's all over you!” He stood from his seat with his hands on his hips pacing back and forth. “I’ve never liked him, you know.”
“He’s not all over me, Sam. I came to talk to him because you're not talking to me—”
“Oh, so this is my fault now? Because what, I was just supposed to move on after you slammed me for not understanding what you're going through? Well, I've put that behind me, Cari. I followed you because I wanted to talk to you and—and that's what I'm going to see? How do you think I feel?”
I have tried so hard to calm down because I don't want to say something I might regret while this anger grows in him. “I’m sorry.” Is all I could say because he's right, I hurt him.
“I hope you don't feel like you have to protect him because you owe him.” He seemed calm this time. I would normally argue for my perspective especially when I haven't done anything wrong but with Sam, I've learned to step back sometimes. Accept it. No matter how upset I feel right now for not talking to me, for causing a scene and for saying hurtful words at me, I just can't do the same to him. I can handle all the pain from my awful past, but I can't stand that we're not okay.
“I’m not.” I stood from the seat and walked over to hug him from behind. I can smell the familiar scents he has, from his perfume to his hair and his entire body. The one I’ve always found my way back to. “I want us to be okay. I need you.” I said softly, resting my head on his back. There are moments when I think I've shed too many tears, perhaps that's why they won't come out now. My entire life all I did was that. But this time I won't.
“You wanna eat something?” The second Sam asked me that I felt a chuckle coming out of my mouth. I actually wore something nice tonight and let Laurel slightly do a make over for me and all I could get from the party was a single lemonade that I haven't even finished. I sat on the stool while he searched the refrigerator for something to eat.
“Tell me there's something.”
“I really don't wanna disappoint you but. . . we've got nothing here.” We both laughed and he closed the refrigerator, stood for a few seconds like he's trying to think of something. “It’s a good thing we can order online, pizza sound good?”
“Anything is.” Sam headed to the couch to get his phone when I felt a vibration in my coat. I was hoping it was a text from Laurel so I could tell her Sam and I are finally okay but it wasn't. It's from Tyrone.
“Come check out the place when you have the time. Goodnight, Cari”
I stared at the text for a few seconds not knowing what to respond to him. The next thing happened my phone went black and I felt relieved that it did. I almost forgot that my phone isn't as useful as I once thought it was. I stashed it back in my coat avoiding thoughts of earlier events, considering Tyrone leads me to see a different side of Sam. I want to put yesterday and tonight's incident out of my mind when I sleep with him tonight. I made my way to Sam who's still focused on his phone, just as I was about to take a seat next to him I noticed a mini card from the other day that belonged to the two individuals that came here. The only thing on my mind right now is that I have nothing left to lose. I took it and gave it to Sam. “What’s this?”
“I want you to call them. I wanna do it.” I said without holding back.
“Hey, are you sure about this?”
“Yeah, I’d like to talk to them about how it's going to work.” This is not something you can simply walk away from, once I'm in, I don't wanna have this thought of stepping away just like that. That’s not gonna happen now. I need to start doing things differently and it begins with this.
