“We already went over this and you said you were okay with me moving out, Sam.”
“That was before I learned he offered you a place near him!”
“Is this still because of the kiss?” I get why he's upset before because I'd feel the same, but him raising his voice at me right now is really surprising. I can definitely tell now that he's different when he's angry with me. “Because it's already happened, and I've already apologized to you for it—”
“You’re not getting it, Cari.” He turned away from me, clearly deep in thought.
If I could blame anyone, it would be myself for hiding this from him, I wouldn't deny something like that. I had the option to tell him sooner, but I decided to hold off because I want us to be fine for now. I didn’t want anything to disrupt us these past few days because I knew Sam and I were heading to a really good place. Who would want to risk that?
“I’m not okay with this.” He turned back to me with emotions I still couldn’t grasp. It seems to me that he doubts my ability to make decisions without jeopardizing our relationship. If that's what he believes, he's mistaken because our relationship is irreplaceable and I wouldn't give it up for anything.
“I’m asking you to trust me on this.”
“I-I'm not sure I can trust him, Cari.”
“What are you trying to say?” He paused briefly and crossed his arms, appearing confident as he faced me.
“You can stay here with me, Cari. You don't need to find another place. Let's commit to this for good.” If he believes I didn't think about that, I have, over and over—I just kept it to myself. Sam is always part of my future because he's like family, but I can't honestly say I'm ready to live with him permanently. Yes, I've lived alone for most of my life and maybe it's time to think about this with Sam. But starting there would mean a lot for making a genuine beginning for myself too. It was a promise I made to myself as well.
“I wish it were that simple.” I spoke without looking in his direction. I couldn't bring myself to say that and witness the pain in his eyes. I realize now that when you truly love someone, the truth becomes irrelevant as long as it’s your own truth. Deception only complicates things further. “I’ve made arrangements with Tyrone and I will be moving in a few days.”
This time I saw him fall quiet for a few minutes. He’s just looking right at me and I can see the sadness wash over his face. It’s unfamiliar to see Sam down because of my actions, and it makes me despise myself. If only he could see things from my perspective, everything would be fine. “Sam. . .”
I tried calling him twice, but it feels like he doesn’t want to talk to me. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring this up sooner. You can blame me all you want, but please understand—this is for my own good too. I’m starting to focus on myself now, Sam.” I spoke those final words softly.
“And I'm sorry too, Cari. But I need some distance from you for now.” He walked away from me and headed to his room in silence. I was left alone in the living room, surrounded by silence and the familiar sadness I felt once more. As I attempt to make sense of how Sam and I ended things, the tears have finally stopped. He considered the conversation over because I kept this secret and his feelings are reasonable. As I desperately wished for him to at least give me the opportunity to do this. I understand we have different perspectives, but I want to resolve this with him. My phone began ringing with a flurry of notifications, causing me to grab it quickly. It’s flooded with notifications about a story of mine being shared across various social media platforms. I notice many people tagging me in their posts and leaving comments. Trapped in a Nightmare: The Orphan Who Clings to the Delusion of Her Parents’ Survival. At this point, the title doesn't shock me anymore because I expected it to be accurate. Though the content triggered flashbacks and past anger, I didn't give it much thought. I couldn't read all of it—not because I didn't care, I do—but as I've said, I'm ready to accept whatever it says. Regardless of how harsh it may seem to others. That was my life, and I won't hide from it. Those were real, painful experiences that affected me badly. I doubt I'd be who I am today without those experiences.
I reached for my phone and texted Tyrone, suggesting we meet at a nearby café to talk about my permanent arrangement. Honestly, I didn't want to move there without letting him know first since I'm still unfamiliar with the area and he knows it well. Even though I'm a bit upset because I suspect he gave me the keys on purpose to cause a fight between me and Sam. But I want to find out the real truth behind that. Whenever Sam realizes we've had a misunderstanding or a small argument, he retreats to his room and stays there until he has calmed down. I left his place without speaking to him, hoping that my meeting with Tyrone would only be brief. I'm aware that meeting Tyrone behind his back might not be the best choice, but I knew I needed to meet him.
When I finally reached the small café on the edge of the village, I spotted Tyrone sitting at a nearby two-person table near the large window. I was certain he was still around. “This won’t take long, Tyrone.” I told him and then took a deep breath.
“Considering how much you’ve done for me, I’d like to take over that responsibility now.”
“What exactly do you mean, Cari?”
“I need you to step back and let me take care of everything from here. You don't need to check on me anymore whenever I have a clinic session.” I said it straight to him. He gave me a puzzled look but kept his composure.
“Alright. I’m not going to hold you back, Cari. But you're not going to ask me to stop being your friend, are you?” I stopped briefly when he asked the question. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, no one could have forced me to see the truth if Tyrone hadn’t been there that night. I don’t want to say I owe him, but I can’t picture what my situation would be like if he hadn't told me. So, no, I’m not going to ask him to keep his distance since he’s a friend.
“I’m simply asking you to stop taking care of things for me. You’ve been looking after me from the beginning.” I revealed to him. I catch him nodding with a sense of relief.
“Is Sam still upset with me?” He unexpectedly asked. “It was clear that he still is.”
“I’m sorry—”
“No, Cari. I’m the one who should apologize. I'm sorry for what happened the other night, I was overwhelmed by loneliness and you were there with me—” He hesitated, appearing as if he wasn’t meant to speak those words. “I deeply regret it.”
“What’s done is done. I just don't want to cause Sam any pain.” I responded to him truthfully. I’m confident I'm in the right, but I’m open to preventing any misunderstandings or minor conflicts.
“You truly care about him.” I gave a small smile when he said that. I really do. I just want him to see that. “You think I was clueless?” Tyrone took something resembling a small gift from his pocket and gave it to me.
“A small token to remember how we first met.” I took the gift from him and opened it, finding a miniature bike keychain identical to the one he had when we were young. I still recall its appearance because it was one of the things that used to frustrate me.
I gave him a light laugh. “I couldn't stand this bike.”
“Happy Birthday, Cari. You've always meant a lot to me.” After our quick conversation, I decided to head home with a present tucked in my pocket. I’d prefer Sam not to know I was with Tyrone, given how he might react. Especially while he's still upset and not in a good place. I don’t want to complicate things for him any further. I don’t want this argument to drag on, especially since we’re supposed to go to the theater later.
