We all sit around the fire outside, my legs on Matty's lap, Louise is poking at the fire, and Denise is downing a glass of wine. It's nearly midnight but none of us can bare to go crawling back inside. I like it out here anyway, it's quiet but noisy- and all my favourite people are surrounding me.
"I wonder if we could buy you a walking suit." Louis voices. We all look to him as he looks back up at us.
"What?"
"For your legs. It gives you the ability to walk I'm sure they have it somewhere." I laugh him off.
"Thanks Lou,"
"Of course, it must be shitty to be paralysed."
"Louis!" Matty snaps. "Stop."
"What?" He looks around the pit, his mother his scolding him- hard.
"Guys it's okay." Matty shakes his head, squeezing my hand. From inside I can hear the door opening and footsteps down the Fourier.
"Your dad's home." She smiles softly. I turn back towards the door, watching him emerge from the darkness, his tie loose- and suit mangled. He's drunk.
Then it hits me, like a ton of bricks to the chest. It all starts coming back, my last morning in the cabin with Adam when I found the frame. My skin goes cold. Matty focus' on me but all I can do is stare at him as he walks toward the back where we all are.
He takes me I first, smiling but I say cold.
"Welcome back."
"How was work?" Denise questions.
"Smashing." He grins. "Now it's time for me to retire, you kids have fun." He turns away, nearly falling into the side of the house and make his way inside.
"I need to talk to you." I whisper to Matty.
"What?"
"I need to talk to you now."
"Okay," he grabs my arm looping it around his neck. "We're going to bed guys."
"Goodnight." Denise calls. He lugs me upstairs and once we reach the room he sits me down on the bed, closing the door.
"What?" He walks over to me sitting down.
"Your dad is Adams father."
"What? That's not funny-"
"I'm not trying to be funny. Okay, when I was with Adam I found this picture of this family and Adam and your dad were front and centre."
"That doesn't sound right."
"You were in it too, at least I think it was you." He stares at me like I've gone mad, like I'm making this stuff up. "Matty don't look at me like that."
"Adam is not my brother."
"Okay." I sigh.
"What?"
"Nothing." He sinks back into the mattress looking at me. I don't like the feeling of this, the feelings that his father has given me or the fact that he doesn't believe me. I have no proof.
"This is really bothering you isn't it?"
"Yeh, it is."
He cups my face in his hands," we'll sleep on it and then talk in the morning or not talk about it. It's up to you."
"Okay whatever."
"We shouldn't let this get to us, he's already ruined everything else, and if I do remember correctly didn't someone make a bet that I couldn't go a week without sex?" I scoff at him, a smirk coming over my face. I can't believe he still remembers that.
"I went six months without anything, you owe me."
"I owe you?" He drags his arms across the bed, hovering over me with our faces touching. I stick my tongue out, tapping the tip of his nose. He pulls back slowly and feverishly starts to kiss my neck, dragging his hands up my arms, until were both on the bed giggling with pleasure.
I yank his shirt up above his head, revealing his tattoos. They looks so foreign, but so beautiful. I'm compelled to touch them, scale my fingers along very detail- the scarred over bullet hole. I stop at that, looking up at Matty.
"Does it make me look tough?" He laughs.
"So tough." I laugh back. I don't want to think to hard about it, all I want is to bury myself in Matty and his scent, his words, his adoration.
I quickly pull my shirt above my head and throw it to the side. He tries his best to in lip my zipper for me, and after a few minute he successfully pulls them away.
He lays kisses along my chest, my stomach and finally- nothing. I don't feel anything.
"Okay stop."
"What? Did I do something wrong?" He looks down at me concerned, but I can't even look at him, I cover my face with my hands. "Joclin?"
"Let's just stop." He sits up on his knees, wrapping the blanket around his body.
"I'm really sorry, baby. I am."
I try to ignore him, I do t want to to talk about it. It's not only embarrassing but frustrating. All I want to do is sleep now. I turn in bed, pulling the covers above my head, Matty lays next to me, wrapping his arms around my body.
"It'll be okay."
