It's about three hours after the 'welcome home' party my family threw for me. I'm at Matty's house which is drastically different from the last time I was here. The decor has improved but the walls are the same, the atmosphere is still the same. Promising.
I remember the last time I was here. That last night before we left for Upstate.
He wrapped his arms around my legs, picking me up and slinging me over his shoulder. I drop the few bags I was carrying and try to gain some leverage by grabbing his neck.
Some indie song plays in the background, he takes me into the room and throws m on the bed- devouring me. Nipping at the skin on my neck, my chest, my stomach. Pulling at buttons and undoing zippers until hot skin sticks to palms. Fingers tracing smiles and scars, tattoos on chest, tongues on breast.
Hands tangled in the midst of sheets and moans escaping gasping for air but being denied the simplest. Eyes fluttering as we both relax.
"Matty?" I pant, running a hand through his head.
"Love?"
"You." He laughs, tracing down my arm.
"You corny little shit."
He looks at me now, his good arm shoved into his jean pocket. He acts like I'm a peice of glass, like I'm going to break.
"You hungry?"
"Hungry?"
"Yeh," he laughs. "Is that a bizarre question?"
"No," I tell him. "And no I'm not hungry."
He takes the seat next to me and grabs my hand.
"I want everything to be normal. I don't want to have to treat you like a child but I don't know what to do."
I cup his face in my hands, "babe, everything is normal. Sure I can't walk," he laughs. "But we're okay."
"You're okay." I kiss him, grabbing the back of his neck. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I have to pull away.
Its Jackie.
Are you okay? Need anything call me please. I'll be there as soon as I can. Promise.
I text back:
I'm fine. Matty won't let anything happen to me. I'll call when I do need you, I love you Jack-Jack.
"She's worried?" He asks. The concern in his eyes as well.
"Yeh,"
"She should be. I couldn't protect you the first time."
"Matty you saved me life. You almost died because of me." I assure him. He is my saviour, I would do anything for him just as he's done for me how can he think that he is incapable of saving me. He's saved me numerous times. It's time for me to save him. My sweet Matty.
I kiss his cheek.
"And I would do it again."
...
I squeeze Matty's arm, my bladder is killing me. I have to pee.
"Matty." I say, my voice scratchy. "Matty!" He shoots up from his place, grabbing me.
"Are you okay? Is it another dream?"
"No, I have to pee."
"Okay okay." He grabs my legs, anchoring me against his body. He sits me down and closes the door behind him.
Looking down at my legs all I can do is grow angrier and angrier. I try to move one leg but I can't feel it, I can't move it, I can't do anything. I'm so useless and it's all because of him. He took everything, or at least he tried to. He took everything but Matty.
I wipe at involuntary tears and try to smother them but that only burns my throat and let's out a bigger gasp. Matty twist the door open, looking down at me.
"Are you crying?" I shake my head. Looking away from him, I try to pull my pants above my thighs but I can't. "Why are you crying?"
"I'm not."
"Stop! Tell me what's wrong? Right now!" He snaps.
"Don't yell at me, I'm fucking sick of this already."
"Of what?" He finally bends down so he can see my face, grabbing it in his hands. "What are you sick of?"
"Being a victim. Of having to have someone help me piss. That's what I'm sick of. I hate that I trusted him. I'm so fucking stupid." I shove my face in my hands but he pulls them away, making me stare at him.
"This is not your fault. He betrayed you. You trusted him and he took it for granted. I will help you do anything you don't need to walk-"
"You shouldn't have to. I want to be able to do stuff on my own."
"I know love."
"You don't."
"Then help me." He smiles weakly. "Please? I feel like shit."
"I feel useless. Like I'm not good enough for anything. Like I should have fought- like Its all my fault if I would have just listened and not have put myself out there none of this would have happened. I'd be able to walk. You're arm would be okay. I wouldn't be so ashamed." I pant. All of its true. Every single word and he knows it but he stays silent.
"It's my fault. Not yours. I should have followed you out of there that day. I shouldn't have assumed something was wrong when you just left. It's not you. If you want to take a break from everything we will. My mom would love to see you again. Everyone would. We can leave in the morning. We can relax." He's going to cry, his eyes are watery and soft, like they might melt right out of his head.
"Really?"
"Absolutely. We'll pack our shit and go. It's only a few hours away."
"Okay." I smile, tars brimming my lip.
"Okay."
[ Authors note: okay so sorry about not updating for like a month. I love you guys and I love how dedicate you guys are to the story it will start to get very crazy in a few chapter but bear with me because it all connects in the end!Thanks for commenting. Thank you for reading. Thank you for everything you've done. You guys are truly amazing. I love all of you guys sincerely.
-Kayla
