I've been in bed with my head in my chest and my heart on my sleeves waiting for Matty to waltz in the door.
So far nothing.
I don't know where I should go to find him or if he's even coming home. I know he said he would but an hour has gone by and-I'm still alone. I listen to the sound of night, it's always different somewhere else.
I can hear Louis three bedrooms down, rolling in his sleep and Matty's mom snoring, her husband clicking the light shut and closing the bedroom door and Adam, well he's silent.
The clock on Matty's dresser says 12:45 and yet here I am fighting the sandman's advances just to see him come home. I'm covered in his comforter forgetting already what it feels like to have him embracing me. It's such a foreign feeling when he's mad at me, I hate it. It's the worst thing ever because I know I could have prevented it but I'm too selfish to let someone go and someone fly. I want to fly but right now Adam has one wing in his bed and Matty had the other where ever he is.
Or maybe I'm not meant to fly. Maybe I'm a wingless bird whose meant to take everyone down with her.
I toss in his bed, starring at a poster of the White Stripes and Andy Kipman. I think of little Matty laying in this same position, listening to all the night noises of his home. He's more intellectual than me- than anyone else I know really, so he'd think deeply about everything. What this snore means, what that thump means, is his brother having nightmares or is his mother thinking of hers right now.
I curl further down into his blanket trying to get that little Matty here now. So I can kiss his forehead and tell him that I would soon fall in love with him. Like a cinder-block thrown into water.
I close my eyes, thinking of those tattoos and raven hair. His beautiful voice and cocoa eyes. Almost instantly I hear the jingle of keys in the fourier. Immediately I pull the covers off of me and sit up. I hear his boots on the staircase- then silence. I lean forward wandering what is going on and finally the door opens.
He stands in front of me with his jumper riding up on his stomach and his hair in black waves on top of his head. We don't talk for the first 10 minutes. We just exchange looks and then finally he steps in the room and shuts the door, kicking off his boots and taking his jumper completely off. He kicks his jeans off and sits down on the bed with his back to me.
"Where is he?" He asks not looking to me.
"Guest room." He nods and runs his hand through his hair. I've been waiting for him to come home but I'm speechless. I had this whole speech about him and Adam and sorry this sorry that but I know all too we'll that it would be just like any other time.
He finally turns to me. "I shouldn't have ran out on you. That was a shity ass thing to do and I shouldn't have lied to you that was even more shitty-"
"Lied to me?"
"I shouldn't have kept you waiting. Especially with him here." He pauses and leans forward to place his head in my lap. "What did you two do?"
"We talked."
"About?" I stroke his head, brushing the hair from his tired eyes.
"Everything. The police station, the mall, everything." His eyes roll up to meet mine.
"What about the mall?"
"Just how sorry he is for brushing me off."
"Oh." He looks down at my feet, reaching both arms around my waist and kisses my stomach.
"I love you." I say with an involuntary tear springing free. "I'm sorry for making you mad at me and I'm sorry I invited him without talking to you-"
