//caesura//

//13: Stunning//*

I didn't eat.

Sitting at the table all I could think of was the empty chair where Matty would sit. Everyone just stayed quiet and ate but I sat there feeling guilty and finally excused myself to sit outside and wait for either Matty to come back or for Adam to come peeling down the driveway.

I check my phone again and see a message from Adam.

I'm almost here, wait for me.

I take this time to walk down to the gate. I see his headlights down the driveway and shove through the gate. He stops his car and cuts the head lights, getting out of the car.

"You look pretty." I grin at him and scoff.

"Pretty, okay. I look horrible."

"You look beautiful as always." He walks toward me and stops, and then I find myself shrinking back toward the gate.

"I know I messed up. I regret it but I just need to be with you tonight." He steps closer, grabbing my hand and I can't help but flinch.

"I'm sorry," I say. He whips around grabbing my wrist and pushing me against the brick wall of the police station.

"Don't say that- don't you dare fucking say that!" I can smell the scent of alcohol on his breath and immediately crumble under him.

"Have you been drinking?"

"Like you care."

"I do." I step forward to grab his face but he pushes me back and raises his hand to me bringing it down hard on my cheek. The moment I hit the floor I see Matty running back over to us. He pushes Adam back and starts to beat on him before Beck starts to pull him off.

"Don't you ever come around us again! Do you understand me?"

"Adam it's over," I breath.

"Adam it's over, you know that right?" He looks at the ground and then back up at me.

"I just want to apologize for that night and the days after. I don't know why I-"

"It's okay." His head pops back up and even in the darkness I can see his blue eyes light up at the possibility to feed off my naive-ness.

"But it wasn't okay, I was supposed to be someone who loved you and instead I decided to- I'm glad you forgive me but I can't forgive myself."

"I never said I forgive you." He looks shocked. "You hit me and then completely ignored me for days and when I finally decided to talk to you you acted liked I was a nobody. I mean who was she."

"Who was she?"

"Yes!" I snap.

"I thought Matty would tell you."

"What?" He stares at me for a split second and smiles.

Matty

"And where is she?" Donna asks, placing another drink in front of me. I should have stopped after the fifth one but- she's at home with him and...

"Eh, I don't know."

"God Matty you suck." She laughs. I laugh back at her and down my glass.

"So how is life? I haven't seen you in what- 3 years."

"It's been that long?"

"It's been that long.

"...well it's been good."

"Not that good if your stuck back here, drowning your kidneys in rum and whiskey." I slam the glass back down and slide the glass back over to her.

"Just pour-" she eyes me with her hands on her hips. She can tell I'm getting pissed.

"How are you getting home? Because I'm not letting you drive."

"Donna!"

"Matty, you are smarter than this. You know all too well that drinking will not solve your problems."

"I'm not trying to solve them-." She shakes her head and pours another glass walking away.

Joclin

I drape a blanket over my shoulders and lean forward where Adam lays at my feet. He raises my legs up and puts them on his chest.

"So when should I go?"

"What?"

"You know Matty's not gonna be pleased when he comes home and I'm laying next to you." I nod and bite down on my cheek.

"I know he won't like it- but you're here so I'm not going to make you drive 6 hours back home that's insane. There's a guest bedroom down the hall you can sleep there and go in the morning, only if you want." He leans up and gives me a smile, crawling up to sit by me.

"You know what I've missed the most about you not being home."

"What?"

"When you would lie next to me, hearing you breath and smelling your perfume. That was the best thing ever." I smile too but mine is far more awkward than his. "And Gemma misses you like crazy and Sophia- she just wishes you'd call you know?"

I look back to him and his deep blue eyes, like crystals, how could I hurt him like that. Crush his heart and leave it for his soul to mend. I touch the side of his cheek gently.

"I thought they hated me."

"No one hates you." He grabs my hand from his face and kisses it.

"You're mom hates me."

"My mom's a cunt. She hates everyone but Gemma and Sophia and grandma they all miss you. Try to come over sometime okay?"

My mind is doing that thing where it only focuses on the way his lips look and the curve of his jaw and all the things we could do together, right now with no one in the room. I have to restrain myself from devouring him, the way I always do.

"Maybe you should go to bed." I say the nicest way I can. He notices how uncomfortable I am and kisses my forehead crawling from the bed.

"If you need anything I'm in the next room." I nod and he leaves.

I take my phone out and call Matty. His phone rings once and finally I hear him on the other end.

"Matty?"

"What?"

"Please come home- I don't want you to be angry with me."

I'm not-" the sound of music drowns him out.

"Matty-"

"I'm coming now-" he snaps and hangs up.