//caesura//

//21: robbers// *

The sun has set and all around the hospital it's pitch black. The light beside my bed cast a yellow shadow over everything, the melted ice in a white cup and a half eaten PB&J, and right inside my left hand, Matty's. His eyes are squeezed shut and his body is covered in one of the hospital blankets.

I smile down at his sleeping face, so peaceful- and then the white cast that holds his arms up.

I lean forward, out of my bed and towards him, kissing his clammy forehead. He jolts backwards, looking up at me with a restful smile.

"You're up?"

"You didn't have to stay."

"Yes I did." He tightens his grip on my hand and smiles. "How did you sleep?"

"Um, good I suppose. What about you? How's your arm?" He sits, letting the blanket fall off of him.

"It feels better, the doctor refuses to drug me up when I'm in here."

"You missed your medication?"

"Eh, I'll be fine. I've just missed you so much." He cuffs his fingers around my cheeks and kisses me, gently this time. Not even as passionate as the one this morning and I know why so I don't question him and I don't pull him closer.

"So when are you being discharged."

"I was discharged two months ago but, I'm waiting for you and they say it'll be a few more weeks."

"You've been here for two months?"

"Yeh, it doesn't matter though." I touch the side of his face, and place my hand down on his shoulder and sink into his arms trying my best not to cry.

"Can you just tell me what happened, please?"

"You don't wannt to hear that, Joc."

"Please." I speak into his chest. He holds me for a second and exhales.

"Okay."

Matty's P.O.V

I watch as her eyes become foggy the more as I stare at the blood pooling around her, caked onto her skin, and then finally at the lunatic pointing a gun at us.

I watch as her head falls back and the pure panic kicks in. I think of losing her and the unfamiliar sting of pain in my chest leaves my words hitched.

"Jocy!" "I scream for her, not wanting to let her slip through my finger tips again.

When he took her from me, I couldn't think straight. I saw that she was gone and something snapped inside me, made me feel like I wasn't worth the time I had instead in her. I wasn't worth the late night calls in the bathroom or secret rendezvous' at my house.

Losing her would mean losing me, it would mean not having that warm lump in my bed with the silky hair and Blackwoods perfume I adore so much. It would mean never looking into those skyfall eyes and touching her soft cheeks that just two months ago were cradled in my lap.

It would mean so much that I'm not ready for, ultimately it would mean me taking my life for hers.

I hold up my hand, cradling her to my chest, the tears springing to my eyes. "Adam let me take her to the hospital-," her body goes limp as I try to reposition her to fit in my arm. "Jocy open your eyes." I scream.

"I can't," She whispers faintly. I push the hair from her face, looking at her purple lips and lifeless eyes, Adam is still pointing the barrel at the back of my head but I couldn't give less of a shit right now.

"No stop- wake up!" I cry out, not being able to choke down my tears.
"Jocy, please."I choke, placing my head on her chest to listen for a heart beat but I hear nothing.

I kiss her forehead, I kiss her cheeks, I kiss everywhere as if this the last time because I don't know if she'll wake up or if I'll end up with a bullet in the back of my head.

"Joclin?" I speak, crying into her shirt, but she's silent. Adam kicks me away from her and I land right on my back staring right up at him as he pulls the trigger.

Or at least I thought.

....

She sighs and lays her hand down on my chest, playing with the small fibers sticking out of my cast.

"Were a bunch of cripples." She laughs. I hug her tighter, kissing the crown of her head.

"I can still get around." I tell her, "you're the one that needs a wheelchair." She shoots up in her bed and looks down at me.

"What?" Her tone is more serious than I would have expected.

"You didn't know?"

"That I need a wheelchair?" She shouts. The vitals machine hooked up to her starts to flash and beep continuously.

"Joclin stop," I grab at her wrist but she pushes me away.

"No one told me." She cries, grabbing for her legs but I grab her hands.

"I know, I'm sorry." She falls backwards putting her hands on her face, breathing hard. Really hard. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know." She breathes. She grabs the switch on the side of her bed and looks up at me.

"I think you should go." She huffs, her hands still on her face.

"What?"

"I need- I need to think. To breath."

"I'm not leaving."

"Please!" She yelps.

I sigh, leaning forward to get up from the chair. "Fine, I'll be outside."