So this is it.
The last time we'll have to go through this, hopefully. The last time I'll have to face the pangs of hurt at the sight of him. The last time I'll feel his eyes on me- well maybe not the last.
"I've tried." I tell him. "Everyone's getting exhausted with us running back and forth. You have to admit that this is not healthy."
"I'll tell you about high school. I will. I promise." He yells in desperation and pushes his face into my stomach, clutching onto my shirt.
"That's not it. I'm just realizing that you're not the man I want to marry, no matter how many times I tell myself you are. I don't want to do this anymore."
"Joclin please." He say blubbering into the thin fabric, I can feel the cold tears on my skin burning like acid. I hold the top of his head in my hand, running my fingers through the brown locks.
"Your my breath I can't lose you. Not to him."
We touch foreheads for a moment until I finally get the courage to speak.
"It's not for him. It's for me, I'll always be here for you but I just can't do it anymore. Do you understand?"
"No," he mumbles.
I look away from him, "I have to go. I'll give you everything back."
"Keep it." He tells me wiping his tears.
"We're not gonna work it out." I pause, gripping onto his shoulder." I'll leave the ring on the coffee table. Okay?"
"Don't go." He grabs at my arm again.
"I have to Adam." I peel away from him, his head still rested where I was but his distraught face is exposed. I don't know what to do with myself but praising me is not one. I can't even look back at him so I run downstairs and set the ring in the table and take one last glimpse at our "home". The pictures, the gifts, the smell. It's hard to wash that away- the smell of love, of two people's scents intertwined.
That'll be the hardest part of this.
This is it...
I put the keys down too and step outside. Chelsea sits in her car at the edge of the driveway. I can hear Arctic Monkeys blaring as I near her. Ironically "Arabella" is taunting me as the chorus pulls at my heart strings and I liquify in her passenger seat.
She knows exactly what to do when we get to her house. She has the red wine placed on the table and two glasses ready to be filled. Putting a bag of popcorn in the microwave she goes to her movie rack and starts to sort through.
"What are you in the mood for?"
"Something that makes me feel less shitty than I already do." I say and tilt the glass back, taking the last reminder of human compassion along with the hazy drink.
"Dirty dancing?" I stare at her hoping she shoves it back inside. I don't want to think of Patrick Swayze right now. She shrugs and grabs another one out.
"The notebook?"
"Chelsea!"
"I only have sappy movies." She defends.
"Fine then, lets watch Dirty Dancing."
"Okay." She pops it in and goes to the microwave to get the popcorn.
Halfway through I get a call from Adam but ignore it then a call from Matty then a call from my sister. I turn it off so I can unplug and just enjoy my wallowing.
"Are you going to answer for anyone?" She asks.
"Not right now, no. Maybe after a few more glasses." A few more glasses turns into a whole bottle and that whole bottle turns into three, until Patricky Swayze starts to look a little more fuzzy than I last remember him. I pull myself together on the couch and Chels pulls a blanket over me, turning on late night TV and tells me to get some sleep before going into her room.
I turn on my phone with half a mind to call Adam and tell him I'm sorry but this roller coaster thing is over, the ride is closed down and I should except that. I call Matty first since his name is the first I see. He answers on the first ring
"Joc?"
"What do you want?" I spit, the hate apearant in my voice.
"Are you drunk? Where are you?"
"Maybe. It doesn't matter anyway. What do you want?"
"Adam called me and told me you broke up with him."
"Yeah. And?"
He sighs on the other end l.
"I really hate when you drink." He mumbles. I shrug and try to pull myself off the couch to reach for my half empty glass.
"Yeah well it's the only way I can stay awake without feeling bad."
"You shouldn't feel bad he's the one who did it not you."
"He didn't do anything really." I admit.
"You think that's nothing?!" He screams in my ear.
"I mean, I'm the one who went behind his back for years and lied about it. Who wants to deal with a girl with that much baggage." I can hear him get angry just by the sound of the sigh echoing through the phone- well echoing to me.
"He lied to you since the day you two met."
"What are talking about?" The wine is really starting to taste better than the first 18 glasses.
"His creepy obsession with you. That's what I'm talking about." I lay my head back down, dropping the glass to the floor. Everything is going black now.
"We broke up so I don't really care anymore." I yawn.
"Your taking this pretty hard for a girl who broke up with him."
"You don't know what I'm going through right now so don't say that."
"Oh like what?" I shake my head and lean up to grab my phone from under my head, turning on my side.
"It doesn't matter does it? You get what you want so everything's fine."
"What did I want?"
"Me. Now you have me."
"You broke up with him for me?"
"Yeah I told you I would."
"I thought you said we were over."
"You know how I am, I didn't mean it." I say using his exact words from earlier.
"How do I know this is the last time we go through this whole shitty ass excuse for a scandal?"
"Come pick me up." I tell him, flirting with every syllable.
"I don't know where you are."
"Chels'."
"Be there." He says and hangs up. I try my best to stay up before he comes pounding on the door but the liquor coursing through me is making it hard.
