//caesura//

//2:And you said// *

I sit on the porch of our home, my hands doing laps round each other. I don't dare to go inside-letting him cool off and all that stuff. Instead I watch the sun in its isolated state, going down, dismissing all of the beauty going on around it.

When I was little my father told me that the interval when the sun goes down is the sun meeting up with the moon and they fall in love all over again. They tell each other about their day, share their hardships and tango. The sun and the moon are lovers but they spend so much time apart they become one when they see each other so that our night is not the night, but the marriage between two souls.

So in a way Adam is the sky I am the Moon and Matty is my Sun. Adam is just a canvas where this all takes place.

I watch from the corner of my eye as he opens the door and comes out onto the porch.

"Are you leaving tonight?"

I shrug. "I don't know I might go."

"To Matt's?"

"Well where else would I go?"

"Your parents? I mean going to his house is like a huge slap in the face."

"I'm not going to my parents."

"Well do what you want." I dismiss him and get up and go walk inside but he grabs my arm gently and places me in front of him.

"I don't want you to think that I'm mad-I mean yeah I'm fucking angry but, I love you and I want to work this out."

"I'll talk to you in the morning." I say and wait for him to loosen his grip. When he does I march upstairs and grab a bag to put my things in.

I show up at Matty's door, knocking like a cop in pursuit. I hear the locks unlocking like the slow draw of a rifle.

"Joclin, it's like 3 in the morning what's wrong?" He stands in a black T and his boxers, his hair in thick waves. He takes a look at my bag and then back at me like he already knows.

"I always told you if this happened that I don't want to sit up all night and go over all the wrong I did."

"Oh fuck, come here." He grabs my hand pulling me into his chest and wraps his arms around me. I start to cry immediately, taking refuge between his arm and his chest.

"What happened?"

"He asked me and I said yes. I didn't want to keep hurting him but-."

"I know, I know." He comforts, pulling me inside and shutting the door.

"I don't want you to be upset with me for telling him."

"Of course I'm not. Honestly it's all I've been waiting for, not for this," he grabs my face, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. "But to have you all to myself. So we'll get your things in the morning and you can stay here."

He lets go of my face, kissing my forehead and grabs the bag from my hand and then my hand. Stopping.

"I thought you said you broke up?"

"We did." I tell him.

He raises my hand in his. "But you still have your ring." I curl my hand up in embarrassment and pull away.

"He said he still wants to work it out."

"Do you?" His cocks his head to the side, his eyes narrowing, questioning me. I don't know what I could possibly say that wouldn't make him mad at me. Saying "Yes, because I still love him" wouldn't be the best thing to say to him or to me for that matter. There's a spectrum of love and I can't tell which one I hold for him but leaving him would be hard.