Seeking the Wellspring of Heart

24

CHAPTER 24
Vibrant Colors on a Dull Canvas

This feels so heavenly, just like I'm lying on a soft bed and a warm blanket is covering my body, protecting me from danger. I can hear my heartbeats quicken with every breath I take. I've tried to open my eyes, but they are so heavy that even when I force myself, I can't. I'm feeling cold, and my body isn't cooperating; it feels so heavy too.

Did the universe finally get me or what? Am I now just another asteroid drifting through the void of space? I feel heavy as hell, but it's a good kind of heavy; like I'm free from all that crap I was supposed to deal with. No more reality, just me and the endless black.

I was just chilling on the other side for a few minutes, taking it all in. But then out of nowhere, I started feeling really dizzy. It was like this spiraling thing just came and swallowed me up, and the next thing I know, I'm in this freezing cold place. I tried opening my eyes and moving around, but I couldn't do either. All of a sudden, I start hearing this beeping noise, like it's coming from thin air. And then I feel this thing on my face, covering my nose and mouth. What the heck is this? And then I realize it must be giving me oxygen or something.

Nagsimula na rin akong makarinig ng kaunting ingay. Gusto kong dumilat, pero hindi ko magawa. Buhay pa ba ako?

May narinig akong hikbi ng isang babae——hikbi ni Micay.

“H-how could I have been so oblivious? I'm the one who shares this apartment with her... and yet I completely missed the signs of her silent struggle...” bawat salitang binibitawan niya ay ang hikbi. “I-I'm so sorry, Nola... gumising kana... isang linggo na oh.”

Isang linggo?

“P-pasensiya rin... napansin namin, napapansin namin ni Sean... pero, magaling siyang magtago at napapaniwala kami sa binibigay niyang rason...” malungkot na boses ni Pat ang sumunod. “... noong kumapit ako sa braso niya, halata sa mukha niya na may iniinda siya at sobrang sakit. Hindi ko naman alam na... sinasaktan niya sarili niya.”

Mas lalong humikbi si Micay sa sinabi ni Pat. No... 'wag niyo akong iyakan.

“I have faults too... I should have reached out...” boses ni Sean ang nanaig ngayon. “...I've known it all along, I've noticed some things about her lately that worry me. For one, she just seems out of it sometimes, like she's not fully present...” he stopped then continued. “...and her eyes are always red and puffy, like she's been crying. I know her well enough to know she's not one to go bare-faced. She always puts on at least a little makeup.” He paused again, parang nahihirapan siya. “...but lately, she looks absolutely miserable. And she lost a ton of weight in just a week, which is crazy unhealthy.”

May naramdaman akong humawak sa kamay ko.

“Alam niyo bang nagpapagupit lang si Nowie kapag sobrang dami ng bagay na gumugulo sa isip niya? It makes her feel better and reduces her stress...” ngayon, si Akon. Siya ang humawak sa kamay ko dahil naramdaman ko ang pagpisil. “Ako 'yung pinakamalapit sa kanya, parang Kuya na nga niya ako eh. Mas may alam ako sa nangyayari sa pamilya niya... pero wala ako sa tabi niya.”

He's crying.

Naramdaman ko ang pagbitaw niya na para bang may humila sa kanya.

“Hindi mo kasalanan, pre.” Rinig kong sambit ni Brix at lumayo ang boses niya.

“It's not anyone's fault. We've all been absent when she needed us the most. We weren't there for her when she was going through her darkest times. She puts on a brave face, but I know she has plenty of reasons for not opening up about what she's going through.”