One Stupid Thing

3:10:107

It feels as if I am stuck in some sick time warp. The sound of my father's body hitting the ground echoes in my ears and they start to ring. Everything seems to be going in slow motion and I have lost all ability to function. Breathe, I command myself. You have to breathe. Inhale. Exhale.

Everyone around me moves towards the edge and glances down. I force myself to swallow. I need to know if it's true this time. I need to see it for my own eyes to be absolutely certain that he won't show his face again one day. I push past the people in front of me, Kie and John B, and gaze down. My breath hitches in my throat when I see Ward's body splayed out on the root of a tree, three bullet wounds decorate his torso. If the fall hadn't killed him, he would have bled out regardless. Ryan lays unmoving beside him.

To my left, Sarah chokes out a sob. He saved her life. In his last moments, our father, who has made more mistakes than I can count on my two hands, redeemed his past actions and took his own life to save Sarah's. I may not be able to forgive him for everything he has done, but I will also never be able to repay him for saving my sister.

I watch out of the corner of my eye as JJ's hand reaches towards me, but just as it is about to rest on my shoulder, he hesitates and pulls it back. I pretend not to notice even though a pit forms in my stomach. All I want is to feel his strong arms around me, for him to hold me until the world ends and tell me that it's all going to be okay—that we're going to be okay—but that isn't going to happen.

After the fateful day that Ward faked his death by blowing up the Druthers, I already processed his death. I had thought it was real the first time. Oddly enough, this time doesn't feel much different even though I am staring down at his broken body with my own eyes.

"Hey," Pope starts softly and he quickly walks over to Big John. His head lolled, his eyes rolling into the back of his skull. "Hey. Big John? Big John?" The boy tries desperately to shake him awake, but he isn't regaining consciousness. "John B!"

"Dad." The brunette, who had been so focused on comforting his girlfriend hurried to his father's side and helps Pope get Big John up off the rock. Both boys support him under each arm. "Okay, Dad, we gotta get you out of here."

"It's all right," Big John slurs.

"Hey, stay up. Stay awake," John B begs his father. "Please stay awake. Come on." They start back the way we came, leading the way down the mountainside. Everyone else begins to follow suit, but Sarah seems stuck in that one spot on the edge of the cliff. As if her body won't allow her to leave.

"Sarah, are you coming?" I ask her gently. She turns her head to look at me, her eyes soaked with tears. She sniffles and nods. I walk back to stand by her side and together we take one last look, one final goodbye. I take her hand in mine, squeeze it, and then guide her by the shoulders after the rest of our friends.

—

The boys took turns supporting Big John. On foot, we could only move so fast without compromising the man's condition, however he is only getting worse the longer he goes without medical attention.

We finally made it to the stretch of field which I consider the halfway point. John B is leading the way now and JJ and Pope are with Big John at the rear.

"Hang on, Big John," Pope encourages him. "We got you. We got you."

"We just gotta get you downriver. You're gonna be okay," John B yells back assuringly.

By the time we reached the dock where the small boat was parked, JJ and John B were practically dragging Big John, holding up his entire body weight. Pope retrieved two bags of medical supplies to maintain his condition until he could see a professional.