One Stupid Thing

2:7:64

JJ's POV

John B, Kiara, Pope and I are all gathered around the bonfire drinking beer and smoking weed like us Pogues do, when we hear footsteps crack louder and louder as they approach, uneven and clearly not trying to be stealthy.

"Um, what the fuck is that?" Kiara whispers. She doesn't even have time to get a response when a shadow stumbles into the light. Drunk as hell and hardly able to walk, Stella Cameron mutters to herself with an empty bottle of vodka in her hand. What the hell is going on? Stella doesn't drink, everyone knows that.

When I see her my heart drops into my stomach. This morning, my visit to Tannyhill was not something I had ever imagined myself doing. It's stupid really, the reason I broke things off with her.

This past month, I've realized that I'm not good enough for her. It's weighed on me constantly. Why would Stella Cameron ever want to be with someone like me? I knew she'd be better off without me. Her Dad blowing himself up was the final straw. She doesn't need to worry about keeping my ass out of jail while her family processes this grief. So, now that I'm seeing her here, all of my regret comes flooding back and it feels like any substance I have put in my body tonight just got flushed out. I feel stone-cold sober.

"Holy shit. Is that Stella?" John B asks. "Oh my God, it is."

"Is she... drunk?" Kiara questions. As if her almost falling on her face every two seconds isn't enough of a hint.

"Shit. This is all my fault," I groan. I toss my empty can into the fire and make my way across the lawn over to her. She stumbles once more, but I catch her before her head can hit the ground.

"JJ, are you serious? What the fuck did you do?" Pope scolds me.

"I really don't need you criticizing me right now, Pope. Now, can you guys stop standing there and come help me?" I beg. Stella swings the glass bottle at me with an incoherent mumble, but I duck before it can come in contact with my head. John B hurries over and intercepts the bottle, taking it from her grasp.

"Dude... what the— fuck you," Stella groans. Her legs practically give way beneath her, so that the only thing keeping her upright is my grip on her waist.

"Yeah, I deserve that," I reply, straining to keep her from falling.

"She has officially gone off the deep end. You genuinely thought that cutting yourself off from her was going to help?" Kiara scrutinizes, folding her arms across her chest.

"Okay, okay. I get it, Kie. I get it," I snap. "Just... someone get the door." I take Stella's practically unconscious body and pick her up bridal-style. She thrashes, kicks, and pounds her fists into my chest like she is fighting for her life.

"Let me down! I can... I can fucking walk myself inside," she slurs.

"No the hell you can't," I reply, taking her weak blows with ease. I've gone through worse beatings then that of a drunk girl. Stella groans dramatically and flops back in my arms, her limbs dangling. Pope holds the screen door open and John B and Kiara lead the way inside. John B holds the front door and lets Kie through first as she hurries to open the door to my room. I walk into the dimly lit room and lay Stella on the bed.

"Can you handle things from here, Jayj?" Kiara asks me, leaning in the doorway.

"Yeah. Yeah, I've got this," I sigh.

"Okay. We'll be outside if you need us." Kie shoots me a weak smile and leaves the house, not bothering to shut the bedroom door behind her.

"Who... who do... who do you think you are?" Stella murmurs, writhing around on top of the covers. Her eyes are closed but clearly her brain is awake and she has absolutely no filter.

"I-I don't know, Stella. I fucked up. I get that," I mutter, unsure of what to say. It's not like she will remember any of this anyways.

"I mean... I-I fucking loved... love you, JJ," she confesses. I see a tear make it's way down the side of her face. Shit. "And you hurt me in the only way you possibly could have."

"El..." I take a seat on the bed beside her and I reach over to wipe the tear off of her cheek, but she rolls away.

"Don't touch me," she snaps.

"Okay, sorry," I sigh. I stand up and turn to look at her. Her dark blonde hair is ruffled against my pillow and I can see the remnants of left over mascara smeared under her eyes. Even in this drunken state, she's still the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. God, I hate myself for hurting her. How could I be so stupid?

The worst part is, I love her too. I've known it since that day on the beach. I scan her neck and notice the chain from the sun catcher pendant I gave her peeking out from beneath her shirt collar. She didn't take it off. I feel my breath hitch and I turn to leave the room, unable to look at her anymore without being reminded of how I broke her heart.

Standing on the porch, I see my friends still gathered around the fire, laughing and joking around like they always do, but I don't have the energy to party anymore, so I head back inside and lay on the couch.

Alone with my thoughts, the only thing I feel is a deep regret for my actions yesterday. I never wanted to hurt her, that wasn't my intention, but I don't know what I had assumed would happen instead. I have to fix this somehow, I have to. I'm not going to lose her again.

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Sorry about the late post guys! Not sure if I will be posting tomorrow or not since it's my birthday, but keep an eye out just in case :)