A Court of Heritance and Destiny

Chapter 12 Etera

"I can stay home." Ikarad whispered as he held her, "They don't need me there."

"It is Solstice." Etera said back, forcing her eyes open, "and your mothers birthday." The last five days had been hard. She had believed that she was getting better, that her body and mind had started to heal. Maybe it was hubris when she asked to come with her mate to the house five days ago, that she told herself that a meeting like that wasn't that hard on her.

But once she had learned everything, and heard the Seers name. The anger had come over her with a rage she didn't expect. And then it was gone, together with any progres she had made.

"It will happen every year." Ikarad pressed his nose into her neck as he held her, they had moved back to their home, leaving.

"I will just fall asleep." She let her eyes close again, "Go..."

"Sure?"

"Yes..." She smiled, or tried to. "Go, have a good dinner and night." She wanted him to remember that there was a life outside of this. In case she could never fully return. The thought was scary, what would she be if she could not work as a spy, what was her role in life then? In the darkest hours of the night, when Ikarad was sound asleep behind her, those thoughts kept her awake, giving her scenario after scenario to analyse. Some heart breaking, others less so.

"I will only be gone for an hour or two." Ikarad promised and kissed her cheek. "And I am always here." another light kiss on her temple. "Always."

"I know..." Even when he was gone, he was there. "Go, have a good night." Another quick series of kisses. "Ikarad..." She warned, and there, her lips curved up in a smile. One that didn't feel strained or exhausting to do. A hint of a life after this.

"I know... I know..." Her mate took a step back, and Etera buried her head down in the pillows and pulled blankets tighter around her. "Love you."

"Love you." Etera almost got up to force him away as he lingered in the door before leaving, but only almost. Her body was too tired for her to do it at any sort of speed. But she held onto the thought of wanting to do something when everything else felt hopeless. Light would always come to even the darkest of places.

Even the darkest of nights bend for the stars here. Words that held more truth to them then Etera could ever have realised when she first came here. It would take time, like all things in life, but one day she would be back. Once she had rested and healed, once she was ready again.

Her consciousness slowly started to drift into sleep. A place where she could run in all her forms, fly over the seas and mountains. Free from the restraints of her body. She wanted to be that again, that strong and free. It is easy to look back and wonder how far off the path one had wandered, wonder how one ended up here. But Etera knew. Greife, hiding her feelings and needs behind work, pretending that everything was fine. And she had tried, until she couldn't any more. It was not Ikarads fault, not Rhys, Feyres, Amayas or Orions. Not even Elains, how much Etera might want that. No, this was her own fault. And as her falcon flew upwards in the dream, she tried to accept that part too.

The anger could remain, the frustration over the Seer's actions over the years. But it was not Elains fault that Etera had collapsed, that her body and mind was this sick now.

The dream faded in all haste, and Etera snapped her eyes open. Every fibre in her body was on edge, telling her that she wasn't alone.

Love? Ikarad was there in her mind, What is it?

I don't know... It was pure survival instinct that made her move off the bed, grabbing one of the many hidden daggers both of them had placed around the house. Maybe just my nerves... She tried to calm her mate down, tried to downplay the tension she felt around her.