I Only Know How To Love

3: Alex

Finally finding Cashmere, I stayed by her side until we had gotten to the hospital. I kept on hearing the doctors from the back of the ambulance talking about getting her oxygen. It was scaring the crap out of me. Cashmere had scared me. I held her hand until we got there. I know that if this would ever happen, she would want me to hold her hand. I held her hand, and whispered to her, "if you ever feel like nothing, you are perfect to me". A tear had landed on her hand, and I kissed it.

Cashmere and I have never kissed, but I've been wanting to. Thing is, I don't quite know about my feelings for her. I know there is something there; I just don't know what it is. I've tried talking to my parents about them, and they tell me that I love her, but I keep telling myself that these feelings will eventually go away. How do I know for sure that these are just feelings anyway? I've tried telling Cashmere to not kill herself. I blame myself for not being there for her when she needed me. I blame myself for this.

Breaking down crying right there, one of the doctors back there had told me, "Don't worry. She's not dead, just unconscious. She will eventually wake up. If she doesn't wake up within the next hour, she does have a chance of passing away." "She doesn't deserve to die. Is there any way to wake her up?" I asked. "We'll just have to wait." He told me before we got there and they rushed her in. I tried to be there for her, until Snow had pulled me back. I went in for a hug and the tears were coming back again. "Don't worry. If I know Cashmere really well, then I know that she'll survive this." She told me before holding me in again for another hug. "Thank you Snow. You're a good friend to Cashmere. I want to thank you for calling me actually. I don't know what I would've done without you. I don't know what I would do without Cashmere really." I told her. "Do you love her?" She asked. I didn't want to answer, but I could tell that she wasn't going to stop until she got an answer.

"I don't really know. I love hanging out with her; she makes me laugh. She needs help, and I intend to be there for her. I really like her. I don't know if this is love." I tried telling her, sitting down in a chair outside of the room. "You never know if it's love until it's too late and she passes away." She told me, sitting down in the chair beside me. "I think you're right. I don't see my life without her in it. Thank you for realizing that Snow." I told her. "I want to hear you say it." She told me. "I love Cashmere." I told Snow as the doctor came out to us. "She's awake now. You can see her." He told us. "Go tell her. I have to get home". Snow had told me before heading off. I headed in to see Cashmere lying there with her neck wrapped in gauze.

"Alex?" She asked, as if she didn't know that I was the reason for getting her there. "Why am I here?" She asked me. "You tried to kill yourself. Snow had called me and I came as soon as I could to get you here", I finished. "Why? Why would you do that when I clearly didn't want anyone to bring me here, and to just let me die? No one cares anymore." She told me, crying. I grabbed her hand and told her, "There are people who do care about you: Snow, your parents, your teachers, me. You don't need to look for love when it's already there." Tears started falling from my eyes and landed on her hand. "I don't know what I would do without you." I kissed her hand where the tear had landed.

"Is there something you're trying to tell me?" She asked. "I haven't been able to admit it to myself, but I now am able to." I started. "What is it?" She asked, trying to keep the tears from falling. "I love you Cashmere". I told her, before leaning in for a kiss. I felt her lips; they were cold and shaking. She backed away after. "Thank you Alex. Thing is, I've been dealing with a lot of stuff. I don't know if I can take on more." She told me. "You don't have to worry about that. I'm here to help you with those problems. I already made a promise to you, please let me do what I said I would". I tried telling her. "Even if it means leaving this town, I would do that. I would be there for you through the entire thing." I told her, thinking that could work.

"Running away from my problems isn't going to fix anything. In fact, it might just make everything worse." She told me. The doctor walked into the room. "Am I interrupting anything?" He asked. "No you weren't." She told him. "Your parents are here to pick you up Cashmere. You ready?" He asked her. "Yes I am. Don't worry Alex. I'll see you on Tuesday''. She told me before getting up and had left the room. No kiss goodbye, nothing. Thanks a lot Snow.